


He Came Back

by mymindismyweapon



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Sibling Love, Slow Burn, Vanya and Five love each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2019-11-07 22:04:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 29
Words: 81,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17968892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymindismyweapon/pseuds/mymindismyweapon
Summary: Set in an alternate universe where Five makes it back after a week of living in the future apocalypse. Vanya helps him recover. Mostly just innocent fluff I needed out of my system.Edit: This has turned into more than originally planned... It's still an outlet for fluffy moments between Vanya and Five (who am I kidding?), but also some sibling love. No clue how many chapters will come out of this, but I'll keep writing until I am not satisfied anymore. :)





	1. Please come home

**Author's Note:**

> I loved Five's character so much in the show. I just wanted someone (ME) to give him a big emotional hug and tell him he wouldn't have to be alone anymore. Ugh. I wanted it so badly. So here is my shot at an alternate universe where he comes back after a week of living in the apocalypse and he's still a sad little kid that can't hold back his emotions like grumpy Five from the show.

She had been calling his name for a week. Every day, every night, every time Father would allow her to slip away. Right now, she was standing in front of the academy calling his name in the dark.

“Five! FIVE! Come home!”

It had been a week since he left, evidently wanting to prove to their father that he could jump through time. It was an argument that was had every day since Five learned to spatially jump. And everytime: “You are not ready, Number Five.” or “You are not skilled enough for such a feat, Number Five.” or “Stop asking, Number Five.”

Finally, he gave up asking and did what he wanted. And he disappeared. She wanted to be angry with him. She wanted to be like their other siblings and be annoyed that he did it because he thinks he’s better than the rest of them. But she couldn’t. All she could do was worry that he _really wasn’t ready_ and he was in trouble. And all she could do was make peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches, and call his name.

“Five! Where are you?!” Her eyes pricked with tears at the thought of him being lost or hurt. She didn’t know how jumping through time worked, but she knew their father would remind Five that time traveling could mess with a person’s mind, like it was meant to scare him away from the subject. But it was Five. He was never scared.

“Please, Five! Come home!” Finally, the tears slipped down her cheeks and she decided Mom would be coming out to get her soon, and she didn’t like to inconvenience anyone. She turned back to begin walking toward the large, rod iron gates, when she smelled something familiar. Like burning sulphur, but it was stronger than what she remembered. Then she saw the blue flash that came soon after the smell, and it was brighter than what she remembered. And finally she heard yelling, and it was more _desperate_ than what she remembered.

Five was crouched several yards in front of her with his back to her. She couldn’t mistake that navy blue blazer, and skinny body. Once it clicked in her mind that it was really Five, she shouted, “Five!” running towards him. When she was only a couple of yards from him, she slowed to a stop.

He slowly stood, his shoulders heaving up and down, and she was worried. “Five?” She reached out, walking the last few steps, touching his shoulder with the tips of her fingers. She felt dirt and then noticed the filth coating him from head to toe. She pulled on his shoulder and he slowly, very slowly turned his body, feet dragging heavily like it was the hardest thing in the world.

“V-Vanya?” Her heart went cold at the sound of his voice. He lifted his head revealing someone who was not Five. His eyes were rimmed with red, dirt caked every inch of him except the wet trails left by tears, and sadness emanating from him like waves from a cold river.

She whispered, too afraid her voice might shatter him, “Five, what happened?”

His eyes flooded and his head bobbed as his mouth fell into a deep frown, a sob emerging deep in his chest and breaking out of him. It was loud and startling and sounded like it hurt.

“V-V-Vanya,” he cried, tripping forward and catching her by the front of her blazer. He clutched her front, head bowed, directing his sorrow into the cement under their feet.

He began sinking to the ground, pulling her with him. His sadness was so unexpected, she was still trying to understand, but she gripped his arms and tried finding his hands clutched in the fabric of her button-up.

“Five, please -,” she realized she was crying too, not knowing how to help him or how to make him stop crying. “Five, what happened? Are you okay?” She pried her fingers to the palms of his hands, releasing the fabric enough to replace it with her grasp.

He still sobbed loudly, but his breaths were becoming shorter and faster. He brought his face back to look at her with wide eyes, panic settling into his features, his entire body trembling. She knew what was happening as she had experienced it herself, and began to yell for help. She knew what to do if it was her, but she didn’t know how to stop an attack with someone else!

“Help! Help! We need help!” He was squeezing her hands so hard she wished she would’ve left the fabric where it was. His trembling was knocking his bony knees into hers and it was like the more she yelled, the less air he breathed.

“Five, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.” she said over and over as she watched him shake his head, letting the tears leak freely and the shuddering gasps shake them both until they were sitting flat on the ground.

His mouth kept trying to form more than just a gaping hole for breathing. He was gasping, “V-Vanya,” over and over until finally he got everything he wanted out in a pathetic cry, “Don’t leave me!” She didn't know such sadness could be expressed in a face of a human, nonetheless, from Five.

She ripped her fingers from him and threw her arms around his form. She didn’t notice his hair sticking in her mouth, just his face pressed in her shoulder and his hands clenching the back of her jacket. There were footsteps behind her and shouting about Five. But, she couldn’t hear anything more over the loudness of Five’s sobs.


	2. He wouldn't leave me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short one and I apologize for that. I'm just happy I made the time to continue this since so many people like it so far! Thanks so much for all the positive comments! It obviously worked to get me to write more :) I'll do my best to update with a longer chapter by the end of this week.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this baby chapter!

When her father and Pogo finally arrived, Pogo was directed to pull Five and Vanya apart so Five could be carried into the house. Vanya’s heart felt like it was being torn from her chest as they separated. Five didn’t handle it well either.

_“No! No, please. Don’t leave me alone, Vanya. Don’t let me be alone, again. Please! Please!”_

His yells echoed around them, reverberating across the cement of the street. She remembered trying to reassure him that he was safe and he was with Father and Pogo. He acted as if he didn’t see them and that he was being dragged away by some unseen force. She tried taking his hand and walking alongside them at least, but Father held her back from following Pogo up the stairs, eventually forcing their hands to let go of each other. Five continued to weakly call her name, his body limply draped in Pogo’s arms.

She looked after him but soon realized that Father had been trying to get her attention. “Number Seven! Listen to me!” he growled, gripping her upper arm. It didn’t hurt but she finally turned from Five’s sad cries.

“What did he tell you?”

She looked into the old man’s cold grey eyes and answered, “He didn’t tell me anything.” Her voice surprised her. It sounded stiff and angry, making her realize the bubbling irritation building in her gut. _How could he be so mean to Five? He was obviously scared and needed reassurance that he was safe. No one knew what he went through!_

The Monocle glared at her before reiterating, “Are you _sure_ he didn’t say anything?”

“He only said _not_ to leave him alone.” She paused, responding to his glare with a harder scowl. She pulled her arm from him and said, “I want to go to him.”

He looked taken aback. She almost wanted to believe there was a glint of fear in his eyes as he turned away. “You will _not_ stay with him, or see him. His mind has obviously been affected by his time traveling. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about -,”

“ _Who cares?_ He’s scared and needs someone to stay with him.” She stared up at him, completely unafraid. She didn’t know what was happening to her, but it wasn’t the way she would normally speak to someone. Definitely not to Father.

He glanced down at her and made a disapproving sound deep in his throat before continuing as if she said nothing, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about because he traveled through time before his mind was ready, like I had said before he left on his escapade.” He put his foot on the first step indicating that the conversation was over and he was leaving. “You will go to your room and go to bed. Leave Five to rest and he will be fine in no time.”

She wanted to be defiant again and tell him that he was wrong and she was going to see Five, but she remained silent. Maybe she could sneak out later and check on him. If she kept arguing, she knew Father would have Mother and Pogo on watch for her. So she looked down at the floor and said nothing.

When he realized she hadn’t responded, he paused, glancing back at her again. “Good night, Number Seven.” His expression was unreadable as he continued up the stairs.

She stood at the bottom of the large staircase thinking about how she could see Five, as she watched Reginald Hargreeves disappear around the banister at the top landing. _I won’t leave Five alone. I told him I wouldn’t leave him. I know he would never leave me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had too good of a time writing Vanya and Reginald's conversation. I know the meds she takes help dampen her emotions, but I thought that if she felt something strong enough, it could open up some room for more feelings. I hope you enjoyed it! I think it sets up the next chapter nicely :)


	3. You're still here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys. Remember when I would do this by the end of the week and I actually did it before the end of the week?? It's honestly only because I stayed home from work today because I wasn't feeling well. So I had plenty of time to agonize in bed and write.   
> Boy, this is a fluffy one. I hope you all enjoy it!

Her bare feet helped her sneak quietly, without a sound, down the darkened hallway. If one thing she was good at, it was being unnoticed. She stood next to Ben’s door, peeking around the frame at the next door; Five’s. Everyone’s doors were shut and no lights were shining through the cracks.  _ I wonder if they know he’s back.  _

The voices inside became louder as the door cracked and two figures slipped out. She was small enough to stand flat against the wall and let the thick wood of the frame hide her from view.

_ “ _ Be sure none of the other children have contact with him. At least for now until he has regained his sanity.” Sir Reginald whispered.

“Are you sure we should be isolating the poor boy?” she heard Pogo reply. There was silence and some other exchange she didn’t see. Pogo spoke again in a more obedient tone, “Of course, sire.”

The tapping of foot steps worked their way down the hall in the opposite direction of her. Her bedroom was kept at the far end of the hall, separate from everyone else so she didn’t need to worry about being discovered. She glanced quickly around the corner to survey the situation. Pogo stood at the door staring down at the floor. She didn’t hear anything else coming from the room behind the chimp. 

Perhaps she could convince Pogo to let her in. Only a peek to be sure Five was okay. Pogo did always seem to have a soft spot for her. As she gathered up the courage to step out and confront him, she heard a mutter, “Well I can’t stand here the whole night,” and light padding of feet similar to her own bare ones, shuffled after Father. 

She stood confused for a moment before it finally occurred to her that this was her opening. She scurried to Five’s door and hesitated to touch the knob.  _ Maybe he was asleep already and she was going to disturb him. He obviously needed rest…  _ The uncertainty was snapped out of her when she heard similar footsteps returning from the end of the hallway. She quickly turned the knob, slid through the small gap, and shut the door. All much too loudly for what she planned, but she was in. She pressed her back against the door, holding her breath as she listened to Pogo drag something loudly against the floor and another squeak. She realized he was sitting in a chair at the door. 

_ Now how was she going to leave?  _ She slowly let the air out she was holding and listened to the dark room. She had been in Five’s room many times before, but not at night. She squinted at the room, recognizing a few things here and there. A globe on top of the dresser, the small desk he would sit at and calculate equations she couldn’t even begin to explain, and a lump on the bed. The tall curtains in his windows let a small sliver of light in to cast across his bed. It was like it sliced Five in half as it projected horizontally across him. 

She hesitated again. He seemed to be asleep as she stared at his unmoving form.  _ Why did I do this?  _ She looked back at the door, ready to rat herself out to Pogo, when a small noise reached her. 

Shuffling sounded from the bed as she watched his feet kick at the blankets tucked around him. There was the noise again. He was saying something but it was muffled by the blankets. She crept forward, cautious not to make any sound, and knelt at the side of the bed. Her eyes were adjusted to the darkness enough by now that she could see his normally buoyant hair plastered to his forehead. Worry scratched at the inside of her chest, as he turned toward her whimpering quietly. His hands were clenched in the fabric of the sheet in front of him like they were with her button up earlier in the night. 

_ How do I help him? How can I make him better?  _ She agonized over what to do as he restlessly flopped his head back over to the other side, facing away from her now.  _ He thinks he’s still alone, dummy. Let him know you’re here with him now.  _

Her hand reached out for him like she did when he first reappeared, and he was hunched over, all of his usual confidence drained out of him. She needed to get the old Five back. So, she put her hand over the lump of tangled sheets lying on his chest and whispered, “Five. Five? Can you hear me?” 

She waited for a reaction, kneeled in her striped pajamas in the quiet dark. She squeezed his balled up hands and whispered a little louder, “Five?” He tilted his head so it was facing the ceiling now. She watched his silhouetted mouth open and close in a shaky breath. 

“It’s dark.” Was all he said. 

She opened her mouth, but didn’t know how to respond. “Yes, but it’s okay. You need to sleep.” she said slowly.

“How do I know you’re here?” He said this as if he was convinced she really wasn’t. It sounded pained.

Again, she was at a loss. She looked at him, his eyes open now, staring up at the ceiling. “You can hear my voice, can’t you?” 

He immediately replied as if annoyed, “That doesn’t mean anything. I hear voices all the time.” She almost wanted to smile because he sounded like the old Five. But she knew the situation was much more dire than his usual snarky comments.

“Then look. I’m right here.” She replied softly. 

His hands fidgeted under hers and a nervous hiccup caught in his throat. She watched his head turn away as he whispered shakily, “I’m scared.” 

“Why are you scared? I’m right here.” She asked in confusion, almost offended that he would look away.

“Because what if you’re really not there? What if I’m - I’m - ,” he choked unable to finish the words she knew he was trying to say. 

She slowly stood, transitioning from the hardwood floor to the edge of the  mattress. She saw that his eyes were squeezed shut and his entire body was stiff and physically as far into the mattress as it could be, away from her. She felt a sort of protective concern overwhelming her, as she took her other hand and slid it between his face and the pillow. Immediately, her hand was wet on both sides; his skin, hot and sticky, and the pillow, damp and suffocating. His face scrunched up more at her touch but relaxed after a moment.

He turned his face upward again and opened his eyes to gaze up at her. “See? I told you I was here.” She said lightly, trying not to let the emotion built up in her throat be noticed. His eyes were wide and glassy for a fleeting second, but soon turned to more tears spilling down his cheeks to dip into the wrinkles made by a deep frown. 

“I thought you were gone again. Everyone was gone again.” he croaked. One of his hands released itself from the restricting sheet, and enveloped the hand on her face. His hands always seemed bigger and stronger than his lanky body let on, and she always thought that was her favorite part about him. He seemed so energetic and small, but could hold anyone up he cared about. 

She smiled, letting him press her hand against his face, the sweat and tears catching on her finger tips. “It’s okay now, Five. You’re safe here. You won’t have to be alone anymore.”

For some reason that seemed to upset him and he arched his head back to cry harder. “You don’t - ,” he paused to shake his head, “- you don’t understand.” He took in a shuddering breath and turned his face into her hand, soaking it even more. 

She squeezed the hand on his chest, feeling tears on her face. “I’m sorry, Five. I didn’t - ,” ... _ didn’t mean to hurt him more? ...didn’t know how to help him?  _ She shouldn’t have come in here. She always made things worse. She couldn’t do anything right. She wasn’t good for anything.

She pulled her hand from him intending to leave so she could stop upsetting him, but he sat up directly illuminating his face in the tiny fragment of light from the street. His eyes were pleading with her as he said, “Please, Vanya. Stay with me.” 

She looked into his familiar dark eyes and suddenly missed him so much. They weren’t far from each other, so it didn’t take much to lean forward and pull him into a soft hug. He responded with a sigh and brought his arms up to press against her back. 

“I missed you, Five.” She whispered into his shoulder.

He sniffed before replying softly, “I missed you too, Vanya.”

After a few minutes of enjoying their embrace, Five began to loosen his arms and his head became heavier against her shoulder. She shifted so she was holding his shoulders and pushed him back. She brushed her hair that clung to his face off and put her hand behind his head, feeling sweat and grime, to steady him as she laid him back onto the pillow. His eyes remained shut but he spoke with a clear voice, yet small, “Will you stay with me tonight?”

Without a second thought she said, “Of course. Whenever you need me.” If it were any other time, she might have been unsure if it was appropriate but she didn’t think about it now. 

He scooted his body tiredly over to create a spot next to him. She stood from the bed and pulled the blankets back, sliding into the place he just made. The pillow and sheets were damp and most likely dirty from the newly returned time traveler, but she paid it no mind and snuggled in deeper. 

She pulled the blankets up over them both, taking time to tuck it around Five’s shoulders like Mother does. Five seemed to already be asleep again as she observed his finally calm face. She felt happier seeing him be in peace, but knew he had seen things that will change him forever. 

He stirred and struggled to open his eyes, raising his dark eyebrows. He looked at her with complete exhaustion, then let them close again. His hand was roaming around the area between them until he found hers and brought it close to his chest. He squeezed it and muttered, “You’re still here.”

She replied in reassurance, “Always, Five.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I wrote it so it could end here if I don't get to write another, but I've obviously proved that I want to write some more badly enough, that I will most likely write more. Haha, but just in case. <3


	4. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I obviously decided to continue this and I'm trying to give it a little more plot. I kind of struggled a lot with this chapter in particular because I'm still trying to set up the story the way I want it.   
> Also, sorry it took me so long to get another chapter out. We just bought a house (first time homeowners!) and I'm packing and painting like a mad woman. I have a lot of time to think about this story, but not a lot of time to write it.   
> Also, also, I wanted to thank everyone for the kudos and lovely comments! I'm sorry I haven't responded much to anyone, but please know that I have read them and they have made my heart so happy :)

When Vanya woke up, a gentle hand was on her shoulder and warmth surrounded her like she was laying in the summer sun. 

“Miss Vanya. Please wake up.” She didn’t want to listen to the hushed whispers. If she acted like she was still asleep, maybe they would eventually go away and she could stay pleasantly cozy. 

But the hand shook slightly harder and more urgently. “Please, Miss Vanya. You need to leave before your father gets here.” 

_ Why would I need to leave my own room before father got here?  _ She was confused for only a moment before her body began to recognize where she really was. The mattress was stiffer than hers, and she felt a slight heart beat against her knuckles.  _ Five!  _

Her eyes shot open and stared into the sleeping face of Five. Now that she saw him in the light, she was more concerned than even she was before. 

“Miss Vanya! Please! Get up, quickly!” Pogo was crouched beside the bed, looking panicked. 

She nodded warily and pulled the blanket from her, careful not to disturb it from around Five and swung her legs over the edge. She looked back at Five feeling his warm hand in hers, knowing she would have to let go, and worrying if he would wake up thinking she left him alone. But she didn’t have a choice as Pogo pulled her to her feet, forcing her to let go of Five once again, and earnestly shooed her to the door. 

Once through the door, the realization of what was happening hit her and she asked, “You won’t tell Father will you? He needed someone to stay with him. Please, can I see him later?” Everything tumbled out of her in a concerned jumble.

Pogo still rushed her down the hallway to her room, but replied, “No, I will not tell him, Miss Vanya. Don’t worry, he’ll be okay.”

They made it to her door, and before she got pushed softly into her room, she turned and asked again, looking into Pogo’s dark amber eyes, “Please, Pogo. Will you let me see him later? He can’t be left alone. Something terrible happened to him.”

The chimp’s mouth pressed together, looking closely at her face, as if checking for a hint of falsehood. Living in a house full of 13-year-olds helped Pogo effectively develop this skill. He didn’t seem to find anything that would lead him otherwise so his face relaxed into something less scrutinizing and more empathetic. 

“I know. I will do my best to help Master Five. He is not well, you are correct. But please be careful not to give away what you are doing around your father. You won’t be the only one in trouble.” He slightly smiled, patting her arm. “Please go into your room and don’t come out until it is a decent enough hour to seem normal.”

She watched the kind hearted animal shuffle purposefully down the hallway toward his post at the door again. She wished there was something she could do for him. She knew he did more for her and her siblings than she would ever know. Maybe she could play a song for him on her violin. 

She thought about possible songs as she came into her room and realized how lonely and cold it felt.

*~*~*

When she went down for breakfast, she wore a crisp uniform and her hair was combed nicely. No sign of contact with a newly returned Five. 

As she walked toward the kitchen through the hall, a hand took her elbow. Ben was standing to her left and Klaus to the right, with his hand securely on her arm. Each boy had completely different expressions. 

“So Five is back? We heard you were there when he zapped back from the future!” Klaus motioned dramatically with wiggling fingers and a crooked grin.

Before she could respond, Ben chimed in, “Is he okay? I heard him talking last night, but it didn’t sound like him…” His hands were clenched in front of him in worry. 

She looked at the two boys and didn’t know how to reply to either of them, so she just nodded and said, “He’s back.” She avoided Ben’s question as she knew she would give herself away, especially right here in the openness of the kitchen. 

Klaus looked disappointed with her answer, but whispered closer to her ear, “You should tell us about it later.” Finally catching on to her anxiety. “C’mon, Ben! Mom made waffles today!” 

As the pair walked away, Ben looked back at her with concerned eyes. She nodded to reassure him that they would talk later.

She stood a step outside the kitchen looking in at her siblings all standing behind their chairs. Klaus was chattering away at a subdued Ben, motioning wildly with a fork in one hand and a spoon in the other. She was glad to see Klaus becoming more carefree. He used to be so resigned and nervous, always looking over his shoulder like someone he didn’t like stood behind him. That’s how he and Ben got along so well from the beginning. They had to fight so hard to keep their powers under control, unlike the rest of their siblings.

Allison and Luther stood beside each other, smiling and blushing. Everyone knew they liked each other more than just as brother and sister. Diego and Klaus would always make gross noises at them if they were caught holding hands, but no one really thought it was unnatural. Vanya thought they were good for each other, balanced in a perfect way. She didn’t know much about romantic feelings, because there were no models to show that in their home, but some of the books she read illustrated how that type of relationship developed. She thought Allison and Luther’s love could last forever.

And Diego was talking eagerly to Mother, beaming up at her from his chair next to the head of the table. He seemed very small but she knew he would grow up to be the hero he always acted like he was. Diego didn’t talk to her very much unless Ben or Five was around. She liked to think that if she was in trouble he would help her. However, everyone noticed his attitude had been flaring more lately, either at Father or everyone else. A word from Mother usually extinguished it, though.

Five’s chair sat empty for the eighth day in a row. Mom never ceased to set his place with a clean plate and silverware. She thought Mom was actually very sad about Five’s disappearance, but was reminded by Klaus that she was a robot and she didn’t have feelings. She preferred not to believe that piece of information.

Purposeful footsteps sounded behind her on the stairs, signaling Father’s arrival. She scurried to her spot at the other end of the table and stood quietly. She couldn’t explain the anxious pounding from her heart. It wasn’t like he had any reason to suspect she went against his explicit directions.  _ I need my medicine after breakfast.  _

“Sit.” He commanded, and sat, watching them all take their seats in response. They all picked up their forks and began eating, as if they did it only to survive. Not to enjoy the fluffy waffles she knew Mother made for them with love. 

Vanya knew their family was different from other families, and sometimes wished she could live with a normal family for a day. She could sit when she was ready, respond to food the way it is meant to be eaten, have a conversation with a sibling during a meal rather than listening to a dreadfully boring survival tutorial on a scratchy old record player. Perhaps she could stay with them longer than a day.

She hadn’t realized she was lost in thought until she heard someone clear their throat and say, “Father, permission to speak?” Everyone looked up to see Five standing in the roughly cut threshold of the kitchen. His filth covered body looked completely out of place in his crisp pajamas. Through all of the unknown grime, his eyes shone brightly with alertness and concern. 

Sir Reginald looked startled and spoke curtly, “Number Five, return to your room. There will be no speaking right now.” 

“But I have something important I need to tell you. It involves - ,”

“That will be  _ enough _ Number Five. Return to your room immediately.” And returned to eating his eggs as if he had already left.

Everyone else at the table still stared at Five with many different emotions. Diego and Luther looked concerned in an irritated way that meant Five should stop talking because he clearly needed rest. But everyone else looked concerned in a way that he could collapse at any time and they needed to go catch him. 

Five looked so intently at their father, she thought he would burst into flame if it were to intensify. He shouted, “You don’t understand! Everyone is going to die if we don’t do something! The world is going to end and you’re all just sitting here eating stupid eggs!” 

Clanging of forks sounded at the table as the children at the table looked to The Monocle for a reaction. But Grace walked from the other room before anyone else could say a word and tisked, “Now, now, Number Five. So much yelling in the morning isn’t good for anyone. Let’s get you back upstairs.” She approached him but he jerked away from her motherly touch. Pogo finally figured out that Five must have jumped downstairs and came from behind. 

“Stop! Don’t touch me, you don’t understand!” He backed into the stone of the archway like a cornered animal. He looked at all of his siblings, pleading with his eyes for help. There was something more behind his eyes as he looked at all of them, but she couldn’t place it. 

The anxiety of what was happening had her so much on edge already, that seeing the fear in Five’s face tipped that feeling into a bucket of anger. She stood from her chair and earned a displeased look from her father across the table. She didn’t know what she was going to do, but she took a step in his direction making eye contact with him through the adult limbs currently attempting to trap him. She wanted to protect him.

Before she could get any closer, Reginald spoke again but with total contempt, “Number Five, your mind is confused. As I told you before, time will taint your mind like spilled ink to a tissue. I am disappointed that your normally logical brain could not withstand the madness you are clearly experiencing.” 

As she watched Five’s expression change from fear, to determination, to hopelessness, she stepped forward again, unsure of what to do. He slid down the wall, still vacantly gazing at the father who blatantly just called him insane. The room was thick with pity for Five. No doubt he could feel it, seeking his weaknesses and picking at them like a scabbed up wound. She knew that feeling. She didn’t want him to feel that.

Before she could move closer, again, their father swallowed the food he continued to chew as if nothing was amiss, and looked at each of the children, and said, “None of you will humor Number Five’s illusions. You will only hinder his recovery. Is that understood?” He looked directly at her when asking for confirmation of obedience, ignoring all of the guilty nods and mumbled ‘yes sirs.’ 

Again, her indignation flared and she met his gaze. She couldn’t explain the emotion pumping through her, but she thought the world trembled just a little. However, she knew if she gave a straight answer she would be held to it, so she simply walked back to her chair and sat heavily. She wanted it to seem like she would follow his orders, but then do what she needed for Five without him knowing. 

Everyone’s eyes were on her as Sir Reginald’s nose flared at her response and then he turned back to his remaining breakfast without another word. She watched Pogo help Five from the floor, his back hunched in defeat, and watched his eyes scan the room once more before leaving. They were dark and full of betrayal. Her insides twisted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote Vanya's perspective of everyone as pretty naive and hopeful because I imagined her to be like that as a child. I hope I did the other characters justice in their personalities as teenagers.. Let me know if you think I should adjust the way I am writing them in the comments! I feel like they were kind of like they are as adults but still pretty obedient because they're children. I don't know. Help me out!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)


	5. Distracted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken me so long to get this next chapter up. I was planning on combining this chapter and the next but it was getting waaaay too long so I decided to split them up. The next chapter will be up soon after this one! I hope you enjoy it!

The whole day was agonizing. Father wouldn’t let her out of his sight and insisted that she do everything nearby him. First, it was helping everyone train. Or helping as much as an ordinary person can with five other superhumans. Allowing her to tag along during her siblings’ training usually made her incredibly happy. But for once, she wanted to be ignored like she normally was so she could check on Five.

    Their training on this day consisted of basic endurance drills; pushups, running, situps, and many more. She felt very awkward standing next to their father as they all sweated and groaned when he barked out the next exercise. She was tasked with timing her siblings and then scribbling it onto the clipboard. She felt self-conscious and uncomfortable.

    It was a relief when that part of the morning was over, but was once again whisked away by Grace to study. It was clear Sir Reginald had a hand in her lessons for the day when Mother informed her that she would be taking extensive assessments to monitor her growth and determine advanced instruction. She wasn’t highly intelligent like Five, so taking these tests made a mess of her already frayed nerves. It took the rest of the morning and into the afternoon to finish all areas of the test. Grace brought her food to eat, implying she wouldn’t be given a break, nor would she be eating with the rest of the family. Her father made quick work of making her day miserable and showing her what it would be like if she disobeyed him again. It didn’t matter how awful a day she could have, as long as Five was safe and happy.

    At last, it was late afternoon and she was told to practice violin until supper. _How could he make playing the violin bad?_ She loved to play even if it was difficult or there was pressure to play in front of Father. But she soon found out after Grace took the violin and set it aside, that she wouldn’t be playing. Which meant, she would be studying music theory. The most arduous part of learning music. Grace had an entire workbook for her to work through today. Later, she was brought food to eat in isolation again.

    She realized that her father had gotten his way when it came to distracting her from visiting Five. But, it didn’t stop her from allowing her thoughts of him to mingle with the serious work she was expected to do. The idea of him being angry with her made her sick and regret acting like she was submitting to their father’s wishes. Five wouldn’t have been so passive. He always stood up for what he believed was right and made sure Father knew how he felt. He was always true to himself and others.

    She thought about this as she finished up the last few pages on transposition, not even caring if what she wrote made sense anymore. Her mind was exhausted from the constant pressure she was held under for the last 12 hours, from her father or herself. As she finished, she could hear her siblings walking passed her classroom’s door, enjoying their very limited amount of free time.

          It was time for bed by the time Grace excused her, giving her encouraging words about the large amount of work she completed today. She wanted to feel something from the praise she received, but Mother always did that for everyone. It wasn’t because she was special.

Vanya thanked Grace for the day’s lessons and left. She stood in the now empty hallway, taking a deep breath. She really was tired. While walking to the other side of the mansion where the bedrooms were, she was pulled by her arm again, recognizing it from the morning. She let it happen, and found herself in a closet with Klaus and Ben.

“Where have you been all day, sister?” Klaus asked suspiciously, obviously annoyed that they hadn’t met up yet to talk about Five.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes. “I'm sorry.” she said out of habit and then added, “I've been busy.”

Klaus quirked an eyebrow and asked in deeper suspicion, “Doing what?”

She knew he didn't mean it in the way her mind automatically took it. To be honest, from her siblings’ perspective it probably seemed like she didn't do much compared to them. Truthfully, she didn't. But today was a warning from her father that he could make her days harder if he wanted them to be.

She looked at her two brothers and said, “I don't think dad liked the way I acted this morning, so he gave me a lot to do today.”

“It's best to stay on dad's good side.” Ben said in a soft voice, his eyes reflecting the single light bulb hanging from the ceiling.

“Yeah, it sucks when dad has it out for you,” Klaus said, eyeing her like he still didn't believe her, but used their father as a sidestep into a new subject, “Five came and talked to him again. Well, maybe not _talk_ but _passionately_ discuss the end of the world again…”

So Father did get his way in distracting her from other things that happened. “How did it go?” she asked stiffly.

The boys exchanged a glance and Klaus grimaced, “Not good.” Ben shook his head solidifying the true nature of the event. “I assume you haven't talked to Five if you haven't seen anyone all day?”

She shook her head, becoming more troubled.

“We're worried about him.” Ben chimed in. “What happened while he was gone?”

She fidgeted with the hem of her jacket nervously. “I don't really know. But something bad happened. When he came back -,” she didn't know how much Five would want his brothers to know how upset he was when he got back. He was always the strong one. Rarely ever letting anything get him to the point of showing weakness.

Her brothers watched her patiently waiting for her to finish. “... he acted like he had been alone for a long time. And he was very confused about -,” she stopped again, unsure how to proceed. “I still don't know what happened, other than what he told everyone this morning. I was hoping to sneak in to check on him again tonight. You should both come with. I'm sure -,”

“He doesn't want to talk to us.” Ben interrupted with a sad face. Klaus frowned putting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

Klaus answered her confused expression, “We tried talking to him after the fight with dad and he just yelled at us and said to leave him alone.” He continued to make an uncharacteristically serious expression, “I think he might actually be crazy.”

Her jaw clenched hearing that from someone other than their father and it made her mad for the second time in the day.

“I don't think we can say that he's _crazy_ until we actually know what happened to him. It's not fair to do that to him when we haven't even given his story a chance.” She crossed her arms so they couldn't see her hands trembling. It was hard for her not to yell at them.

They were clearly startled by her response, not accustomed to her recent discovery of speaking her mind when her emotions got to be too much. Once the shock of her straightforward response passed, they looked very guilty.

“You're right, Vanya.” Ben whispered. “If you see him tonight, tell him we want to help.”

Klaus nodded solemnly and added, “We should have a family meeting so he can tell us. Let everyone decide for themselves what they want to believe.” Then a more Klaus-like expression softened his intensity and he drawled, “Though _some_ people can’t make decisions without Father.”

Vanya nodded, thinking about the reactions from Luther and Diego earlier. “If we can get Allison on our side, then at least most of us can back up Five…” She started to trail off, distracted by what she was going to say to Five to make him trust her again and the impending meeting with her siblings. What if they couldn’t be convinced? What if it makes things worse for Five? _And he leaves again?_

“Yoo hoo, earth to Vanya?” Klaus snapped his fingers in front of her face.

She took a deep breath in, meeting her brothers’ worried looks. “I’m sorry. There’s a lot to think about.”

“It will be okay. Five is lucky to have you helping him.” Ben said, smiling.

It took her completely off guard and she opened her mouth to say something back but didn’t know how to respond.

“Well, I see you broke Vanya. So, it’s time for bed.” Klaus joked, grinning at the blush she felt crawling up into her face. He took Ben’s arm and brushed passed her to leave. Ben met her eyes once more, smiling the same grateful smile and wished her a good night.

She stood by herself for a moment. Ben’s comment shouldn’t have thrown her off so badly, but it was very unusual for her to think of herself as being needed by one of her siblings. They were all so capable and powerful. And extraordinary. How could they need someone ordinary like her? She stopped herself from thinking about it any longer by taking a deep breath through her nose, and setting all of her attention on talking to Five soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for all the kudos, bookmarks, and amazing comments! I appreciate it so so soooo much.  
> Again, the next chapter should be up soon as it is already mostly done. :)


	6. Regaining Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer one since it was supposed to be combined with the last one (which is on the shorter side). I don't know why I agonized over this chapter so much but it took me forever to write it.  
> Shameless fluff ahead! Enjoy!

Later that night, creeping down the hall in her pajamas and bare feet, seemed familiar but more daunting than the first time. This time, instead of going to comfort Five, she was going to support him. Which wouldn’t be so hard if Five wasn’t already under the impression that everyone in the Academy thought he was crazy. If he didn’t want to talk to Ben and Klaus, there was little chance of him wanting to talk to her. 

Pogo was sitting in the chair he had set out the night before when she walked up. She smiled lightly and whispered, “Hello, Pogo.” 

He looked up as if he was expecting her. “Hello, Miss Vanya. How are you tonight?” 

The casual formality was typical of the chimp, but she wished he would skip it and just let her into Five’s room. “I’m okay. How are you?” 

“I’m perfectly well, thank you.” He said politely. When she didn’t reply, he sighed in defeat. “Miss Vanya, I don’t know that Master Five wants to speak with anyone. He has turned down everyone who has tried.”

“I know… But I haven’t tried yet, and I’m really worried about him.” She plead, clutching her hands together.

His lips pressed into a thin line as he searched her eyes as he did the night before. And again, he found her being genuine. “Please don’t make him so upset that he starts yelling again. He needs rest, and so does everyone else in this house.” He eyed her, “Including you, Miss Vanya.” 

She nodded and thanked him as he opened the door and let her in. She let the door shut quietly behind her but she didn’t move further into the room. Five was sitting up on his bed, arms wrapped around his knees. He looked cleaner than the morning, still disheveled but less grimey. The lamp next to his bed shined from behind him, casting a dark shadow over his face. When he didn’t move or say anything, she called, “Five?” 

Again, he didn’t respond. So she took her chance, saying what she had rehearsed in her room, “Will you tell me what happened?” 

Finally he looked up. His eyes were sharp and shining, contrasting with the dark, tired circles around them. Besides the complete exhaustion weighing down his stare, suspicion glistened harshly. He asked gruffly, “Why?”

She took a deep breath, again pulling from her preplanned script in her head, “Because I care -,”

“No you don’t. No one cares what I have to say.” he scoffed, turning his head away from her.

She just stood there, thinking carefully how she was going to respond. She had never seen Five give up on convincing people about something he believed. Supporting his opinion was something like a natural skill to him. Sure, some of his persuasion was abrasive and harsh, but that was Five; willful and stubborn. 

She opened her mouth, only to be interrupted by a quiet mutter, “Just go away.”

She shut her mouth and clenched her fists. That’s not what he really wanted. He asked her to not leave him alone, to stay with him, and she was going to do that. So she said, “No.” Plain and emotionless. 

He looked up at her again, confusion knitting his eyebrows. She clarified, “I’m not leaving you alone.”  _ Because that’s not what you really want.  _

His stare relaxed some and he looked away again, laying his head on his folded arms, “Whatever.” 

She took that as an invitation and came to sit on the bed, cross-legged and across from him. It was quiet, but she didn’t feel uncomfortable. For once, she felt confident with her decision to let her more determined attitude fuel her actions. They sat there across from each other, for quite awhile. She had to hide a few yawns, but she sat patiently waiting for Five to talk, or not talk, whatever he needed. 

Eventually, she watched his fists tighten and he moved his head so his chin was resting on his knee. Their eyes locked and held each other in place for a few beats before he said, “You and everyone else made it pretty clear this morning that you didn’t want to believe me,” He broke his eye contact and added, “...because you think I’m crazy.” 

“I don’t think you’re crazy. And neither does anyone else.” She lied, trying to reassure him. “We have all told Dad that we’ll do something and then not before. This isn’t any different.” 

He narrowed his eyes and said roughly, “How is this the same as promising to not sneak junk food into the house? Or lying about staying up past our bedtime? Or denying that we had left the house for stupid donuts?” He lifted his head, and said through clenched teeth, “How is the end of the world the same as any of that?” 

She felt the intensity of his comeback down to her bones, but also caught the hurt in his voice. The betrayal of his siblings not sticking up for him. The pity they all oppressed him with for his messed up mind. The guilt from the morning hit her sevenfold and she dropped her head. _He was right._ _It wasn’t the same._

“I’m sorry, Five.” she said quietly. What she said earlier was a selfish attempt at trying to belittle the true damage they inflicted on Five’s trust. “It wasn’t fair for us to ignore what Dad said to you. We should’ve helped you.” 

His fingers touched her twisting hands, and she looked up to realize tears blurring his face. All of the anxiety from hurting him and regret of her cowardice stung her chest and tangled her insides. Everything just overflowed and she cried, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry we were so terrible to you. I just want to help you! And we made it worse, and- and- now you hate us, and I should’ve stood up to Father. I’m so useless, I should’ve  _ helped  _ you.” The hot tears rolled down her face as she tried to see through them. She expected to see a scowl, or disgust, or anything other than the concern clearly written in his features. 

“Vanya, it’s okay. Don’t cry.” His knees had come down to mirror her, and he was holding both of her hands in his. 

“It’s not okay, Five! It’s not! We should’ve done something, other than agree with Father. He was so mean to you! I should’ve -,” she was just rambling and sobbing and she knew she was a mess, but she felt so terrible for what she didn’t do for Five. He didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

“Please stop crying, Vanya. It’s okay.” he plead.

She could only shake her head and sob, “It’s not okay! You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t -,” 

“We all do dumb things. It’s not your fault Dad is an asshole. Please don’t cry anymore. I forgive you, it’s fine.” He rubbed his thumbs on the tops of her hands, and she felt the anxiety she was causing. She needed to get control of herself but her chest hurt so badly. 

In between deep breaths at attempting to calm herself, she said, “You shouldn’t forgive me. Any of us.” One more deep breath and she was finally under control enough to wipe her face on her shoulder. She didn’t want to let go of him.

“Vanya, it’s okay. Stop punishing yourself for everyone else’s mistakes. You were the only one that acted against Father at all.” He looked down at their hands, shaking his head, “Thank you for trying. I know it was hard for you.” 

“I should’ve done more. I wish I was as brave as you.” she whispered. She wished for a lot of things, but mostly to be special. Bravery made people special. She could never be special.

There was an eerie silence before his eyebrows dipped as if in deep thought and he said, “Bravery doesn’t always get you what you want, Vanya.” 

He was looking passed her at something that wasn’t there. She knew he was looking back at the day he decided to jump through time. It seemed so long ago, but it had only been a little over a week since he left. His hands had become limp in hers and she wanted to help him. 

“Five, what happened?” she readjusted her grip to be stronger on his fingers.

He finally broke his gaze with the invisible threat behind her and leveled with her own eyes. His nose flared with the deep breath he took and shook his head, “I don’t think I can tell you.” He answered her confused expression, speaking slowly, “It’s not something I want you to think about.” He paused and added, “Like I do.” 

She understood what he was doing. He was trying to protect her because she was ordinary and was unused to the terrors of the world. She didn’t go on missions with them all. She didn’t learn how to kill bad people. She had never even seen a dead body. He was protecting her because she was weak and he didn’t think she could handle it. 

She was wrong to think Five thought of her any different than the rest of her siblings. She slid her hands out of his and said, “I understand.”

She stood from the bed, unable to say anything else. What could she say?

“What are you doing?” he asked, taking her wrist. His hand was clammy.

“I’m leaving.” she said simply.

He stumbled from the bed, and asked with a calm panic, “Why? I thought you -”

“I’m leaving because you think I’m too weak to help you. To hear what happened. I understand that I’m not extraordinary like you and everyone else, but I can still  _ help  _ you. I -,” 

She stopped as she watched his face crack into that same broken expression from when he returned. There weren’t tears but his voice emanated so much sorrow, “I don’t want to tell you, or anyone. I don’t want anyone to live through what I did for a month! I can’t put that image  in someone else’s head, especially when I  _ know  _ it’s going to happen. I can’t…” He wiped his nose on his sleeve, still holding her wrist, “I can’t let you understand what happened the way  _ I do _ .”

She was shocked by his outburst, but only got one thing from it: “You were there for a month?” she breathed.

“Here’s the thing about time, Vanya. It’s a crapshoot. There’s no controlling or knowing what is going to happen, or even when it is going to happen. I jumped forward and couldn’t get back. I thought I was going to have to live my entire life in a burned, desolate place, with nothing and no one.” he paused to scoff, “It took me an entire month to regain enough power to even try to jump back. I don't know how it even happened. Or how I only lost a week here.” He shook his head brushing his hair across his furrowed eyebrows. 

She turned back to face him, knowing she was wrong for making this about herself. She was so selfish. “I’m sorry, Five.” 

He met her eyes and whispered, “Me too.” Regret soaked his voice as he continued, “Dad was right. I’m stupid and weak.” He sat down on the bed as if someone had slung an immensely heavy sack around his neck and it pulled him downward. 

He had let go of her and pushed his hands into his hair, pulling at the strands. This wasn’t Five. All she wanted was to make him be the Five she knew before he left. Before he jumped into a world of nothing. Before he suffered the experience of that world alone. Before his eyes were haunted and far away. 

She sat next to him allowing her need to protect him fuel her words, ignoring her urge to stay quiet, “Five,” she addressed him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I understand.” His head turned toward her and she clarified, “I mean, I understand your wishes. I understand why you can't tell me about the future. I feel the same way about - “ she stopped herself.  _ No more about me _ . “I just - I understand the way you're feeling. Believe me. Dad's words have hurt all of us.” She took a moment to look away in thought, “But we can only learn from our mistakes and do better. If that means stopping the end of the world, I think that's a good thing to get out of you jumping into the future.” He was sitting up, facing her now, letting tears freely flow down his face. She frowned, taking his hand and failing to hide the strain in her voice, “Even if that meant hurting you. We can make it better.” She said the last comment more to herself. She wanted to believe that Five could be fixed and he could return to his confident and determined self. She wanted to believe it so badly. 

He sniffed, still hunched, but his head held itself higher, “You're a good person, Vanya. There aren't many people in the world who have that in them. It's a super power that I wish I had.” He grinned crookedly at her surely surprised expression, squeezed her hand, and said, “Thank you for helping me. I don't know anyone else in this God forsaken house who cares enough to try.” Again, there was pain in his voice like he was suppressing a deep ache. He wiped at his face.

Then she remembered, “Five? Can we have a family meeting so everyone can decide for themselves if they believe what will happen in the future?” 

The look he gave her almost made her laugh out loud. It was deep and exasperated. But then it was like he remembered something very important and he put his finger up. “Hold that thought.” And before she could even think of replying, he vanished in a burst of blue and a crackling of phosphorous. 

She sighed loudly, but took the private moment to press her palms against her cheeks to possibly lessen the blush he caused from his earlier comment.  _ Stop taking everything so seriously.  _ She was so unused to anyone noticing her. But even more unused to anyone complimenting her. Her giddiness was irritating. 

After a few minutes of scolding herself, Five returned to the exact spot he left, but holding a plate of sandwiches. 

“Ah. I should've known.” She said unsurprised. 

“I'm offended you haven't brought me any since I've been back.” He said wistfully. 

Before she could stop herself she quipped, “I've made one everyday since you left, only to be left uneaten. I should be the offended one here.” She meant to be funny but realized the smile on her face was tense and a little more than bitter. 

She knew he caught onto her by the regret in his solemn gaze. She tried taking it back, because she didn't want to hurt him, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I was just kidding-” 

“No, Vanya. I'm sorry for leaving. I know I made you worry, I won't -” 

She didn't want to hear him apologize. That's not what she wanted. She just wanted him to be with her, so she threw her arms around him like she did that first night. Like he might disappear again. 

He made a startled noise, probably trying not to drop his precious peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches but returned her hug firmly with one arm. He sighed. 

“It's okay, ” she said, “You're here now.” She felt him nod against her shoulder, so she squeezed him a little harder and then let go. She quickly wiped a tear away with her knuckle and snatched a sandwich from the tower. “Now,” she began, back to business, “about that family meeting.”

After some serious conversations about each sibling’s standing with Five’s mental state and how likely they would be convinced of the future’s destiny, and how likely they would be to rat out the others for “ _ humoring Number Five’s illusions,”  _ Five was convinced to hold a secret family meeting, excluding adults. 

They had just finished the last of five sandwiches, Vanya teasing him about the obsession with himself, when they both glanced at the small alarm clock and grimaced. 

“I didn't realize how late it was,” she commented, a little disappointment leaking into her voice. 

Five responded with a wide yawn and a nod. The bags under his eyes made him look like he'd been awake for 58 years. But the energy he had been lacking for the last day had been reawakened. He seemed more determined now that the possibility of the rest of his siblings would help stop the end of the world. There was a spark behind his eyes again. But, he was still clearly needing to recover with sleep and she wasn’t sure if he was getting any, the way he was acting the night before.

She didn’t know how to ask, but maybe it wasn’t her place. So she stood from the bed and stretched. “I guess I should go. You really need to get more rest.” 

He just nodded, not giving anything away on his face.  _ I guess he’s okay by himself now.  _ She ignored the slight disappointment weighing down her stomach, and turned for the door. She started, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Five. I’ll talk to the others about meeting -,” 

“Hey, Vanya?” he called, as if he hadn’t heard her talking to begin with. 

“Hmm?” she hummed, stopping at the door and turning towards him again. 

He was sitting at the edge of the bed, his knee bouncing anxiously. He wasn’t looking at her as he mumbled, “I know it's childish and probably weird for you - “ he shook his head, “Nevermind.” He clutched his hands in front of him as if praying, finally met her eyes and smiled weakly, “I'll see you tomorrow. Good night.” 

She knew what he was asking. And it was obviously hard for him. Typical Five. She walked over to him saying, “Yeah, I can stay with you.” She stood near the head of the bed and waved her hand, “But you have to go to sleep now. No more talking.” 

“Yes, ma'am.” He mused, smiling and crawling back on to the bed, pulling the covers back. 

She rolled her eyes at him, “Really though. You need to rest more than what you're doing, Five.”

He held the sheets back for her as she settled in next to him. “It's hard for me to sleep here. I thought it would be easier after trying to sleep in the apocalypse,” he chuckled darkly, “but I suppose not.”

They sat beside each other, sharing the same blanket, shoulder to shoulder, and she didn't think she had ever felt as close to anyone in her life. She gazed at Five and said, “I can stay with you.” He smiled gratefully at her and she realized how close _ they really were _ and felt heat rise into her face. She looked anywhere other than his dimples and stuttered out, “I-I mean, to help you sleep.” 

“Thanks, Vanya.” He whispered, the same smile in his voice. He reached up and clicked the lamp off, immediately drowning them in darkness. The hotness in her face seemed cooler already. 

She had always been a little scared of the dark, especially in an old, creaky house like the Academy. It seemed to bring out the worst memories for her. But she was with Five, so she burrowed down in the sheets and pillow, and let a long yawn out. 

He got comfortable beside her, shuffling the blankets around until he sighed and there was silence. It felt different than the night before. More awkward. Less protective. But she knew he wouldn't ask her to stay if he didn't need her. She steeled her mind from thinking about his sweet smile or their heat mingling beneath the blankets. 

She cleared her throat and said softly, “Good night.” 

There was another sound against the cotton of his sheet and he had snatched her hand clumsily. It wasn't out of sweetness like his smile. It was desperate. She felt a slight tremble in his grasp, so she pulled it close, resting the back of his hand against her neck, tucked under her chin. Their arms crossed, forearms firmly pressed together. “I'm here.” She whispered. 

She wasn't the only one scared of the darkness of the Academy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The young Five in my head would be a little more open to his feelings and more likely to accept help, since he's still a kid. Also, he's scared of the apocalypse because, again, he's a kid. I thought hard about his responses to a lot of things, so I hope I'm staying true to character. I wanted to add in a little of the unpredictability of his time traveling by having him actually be in the future for a month. Let me know what you think.. Thank you all! <3


	7. I'll always be there if you need me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is on the shorter side compared to last chapter but I really wanted to get something up for all of you. You're all so encouraging and it really motivates me to write. This chapter came to me a lot easier and I'm hoping next chapter will be just as natural. Thank you again so much for the all the kudos and comments! You're all the besssst. <3

She had a dream this time staying with Five. The first night was dreamless and purposeful. As if her mind knew it should not be distracting itself with dreams because she needed to take care of Five. He was so sad and scared, and he  _ needed her.  _ There wasn’t time for dreaming. But, this time, she knew the reason he needed her, and her thoughts were trying to imagine what his dark, tormented eyes had seen in the future.

There was nothing and no one. So, her dream consisted of just that. She was sitting in what she could only assume was a room with no light, no furniture, no people, and no warmth. She could feel her mouth wide open, pushing out a frantic yell. She could tell she was yelling because her throat hurt from the strain, and her head felt like someone was sawing it open with a dull knife. Her body quivered from the effort of the scream, but there was no sound. Nothing. And it didn’t matter if she could hear it, because there was no one else to hear it either. That’s all her dream was. As simple as it was, it was truly terrifying. Suffocating.

“Vanya!” Five whispered hoarsely. She heard him. And she heard herself gasping for air.

She still held his hand against her chest, feeling her heart pounding like it was trying to escape her body. She blinked at the deep concern on his face and wanted more than anything to hug him again. The loneliness of that quiet room still lingered at the front of her mind like that was the most important need to meet at the time. But she restrained herself, not wanting to worry him more. 

“I-I’m fine. It w-was just a dream.” she croaked, worried that she had actually been screaming by the sound of her voice. 

He let out a breath as if he was fully expecting her to babble nonsense and said seriously, “Are you sure you’re okay? I can go get Mother.” 

“What? No! No. I’m fine.” she said all too quickly, sitting up, the cooling of sweat on the back of her neck causing chills to run up her back. She looked around at the dusting of light through the curtains. She ignored his stare and asked, “What time is it?”

“Probably time for you to go before anyone notices.” he said, a tightness in his voice. She looked back at him to find his eyes had dropped to the mattress. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking and she didn’t know how to get it out of him. If it was the dream, she didn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with him. He didn’t need more things to worry about. Definitely not her.

So she changed the subject. “I’ll talk to the others about meeting today. It will probably have to be tonight if that’s okay.”

“I probably won’t be able to leave my room again today anyway,” he said bitterly, “so I’ll be here.” 

He was still glaring at the folds in the sheets draped around them. She realized their hands were still connected as she moved her fingers a bit and said, “I can try to stop by to keep you company. Dad kept me too busy for anything yesterday though, so hopefully he’s forgiven me some today.” 

“What a bastard.” Five said dryly, finally looking up at her. His eyes were cold. But the kind of cold that steals any warmth that might try to soothe their frigidness. She had seen this coldness only when speaking about their Father. Never anyone else, which she was thankful for. She didn’t like seeing that in Five. It was scary.

She only nodded and moved to stand from the warm comfort of the bed. She wasn’t ready to leave him alone again. Or maybe she didn’t want to be left alone. 

“If you do find time, I could use the company.” He said, letting her hand slip from his, “You don’t want me  _ actually  _ going crazy.” 

She giggled a little, glad to hear his humor coming back to him. He gave her a strange look and then smiled. They said good-bye to each other and she left quietly. She bid good morning to a very sleepy Pogo and headed to the bathroom for a shower. 

~*~*~

Her day went too similarly to the day before. But this time, she didn’t get to help with her siblings’ training and she didn’t eat breakfast with them. Mother told her she needed to start her lessons early to get them finished by the end of the day. So, she ate all her meals over pre-algebra, classic literature, and violin drills. Again, her music lessons consisted of the worst possible content. 

At the time, she had just finished eating her supper and was returning to playing the arpeggio patterns Mother insisted were important to master if she wanted to improve her intonation. She kept messing up the transition into the third octave and was quickly losing her patience. Her head was hurting from the constant whirlwind of work her Father indirectly assigned her through Grace. Also, the pressure of wanting to find time to spend with Five at some point in the day. She tried excusing herself to use the bathroom and sneaking to the other side of the second floor to peek in, but Pogo was there and urged her to stop avoiding her school work. 

Eventually, she came to the conclusion that the sooner she finished her work, the sooner she would be free. So, she started the same scale over and over again, willing her fingers to grow just a centimeter longer so she could smoothly move into the next octave.  _ Just a bit more! I’m so close!  _

“I didn’t know playing the violin was so painful.” Someone chuckled from behind her. She jumped, causing a nasty, blood-curdling noise to come from the bow being pressed too hard in the wrong place on the strings. She whipped her head in the direction of the visitor and found Five caressing his ear and grimacing.

She let out a frustrated sigh, feeling her heart beat too loud in her ears. “Maybe knock next time.” It came out much more annoyed than she intended so she amended, “I just - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be mad.” She turned away, still trying to gain control of the overwhelming irritation. She should be excited someone thought enough of her to visit her.

Five cleared his throat and walked to her side, “I’m sorry for bothering you. I should’ve asked before interrupting you.”

“What? No, Five. I was just concentrating is all. Sometimes I don’t hear anything but the violin when I’m playing.” she blushed at herself. That wasn’t something she shared with anyone. “Besides,” she continued, taking a deep breath, “I’m not mad at you. It’s this stupid arpeggio pattern I’m trying to play…” She absentmindedly tapped her bow on the metal stand holding the sheet with the pattern printed crisply on a staff. 

“What the heck is an arpeggio?” he asked, stumbling over the word, “And why is it important?” 

She giggled at his very serious expression, and saw that he looked almost completely back to normal in his clean uniform, nicely combed hair, and hands in his pockets. She would almost say that he hadn’t been gone at all, except that there was still a strange darkness around his eyes. Expressing more than a lack of sleep.

He leaned forward to scrutinize the sheet music in front of her and said matter of factly, “I guess it’s an Italian word. ‘Arpa’ meaning harp, and the rest of the word meaning to play the harp.” His finger followed the notes on the page as he continued, “I suppose this means that you are playing the notes up and down like you would on a harp.” He glanced back at her arching an eyebrow at her eyes rolling. 

She wasn’t offended by the way he spouted all of the information like it was common sense and it wasn’t something it took her a year to learn. That was just Five and she was happy to see him acting normal. 

But she said anyway in response, “What was the point of asking if you already knew?” She lifted her bow to the strings and softly played the first octave.

He stood there watching her, which she would normally find uncomfortable, but this wasn’t the first time he listened to her play or asked her questions about music. He let her finish as if in courtesy of a true performance and said just as practically, “Because you’re the expert. I still don’t know  _ why  _ you practice arpeggios. Isn’t that the whole purpose of knowing a word?” 

She put her bow down, feeling her face scrunch in thought. He always made everything make sense. “It’s to improve intonation when playing a real piece of music. I have to be able to hear when a note is out of tune.” She illustrated what she meant by playing the same octave with perfect intonation, and then again with a ringing note like ‘D’ out of tune, one of the more obvious notes to catch. 

“Ah.” Five breathed. “I understand now.” 

She almost blushed again but remembered that was Five’s nature. To find something he doesn’t know about and then understand it. She suspected that he was bored and needed something to think about. But why would he come to her?

“Five, why are you here?” she asked, letting some concern slip into her voice.

“I can’t come listen to my sister play the violin?” he said, dramatically holding a hand to his chest. She just stared at him, waiting for the real answer, knowing if that were true he would be a lot less involved with what she was doing. He sighed loudly, walking toward the light of the window, “We’re waiting to have the family meeting.”

She was confused. “What do you mean you’re  _ waiting  _ to have the family meeting?”

“I mean, they’re all in my room waiting to have the meeting.” he retorted as if it was obvious.

She cocked her head still not understanding, “If they’re all in your room, why aren’t you there? And why are you waiting to have the meeting?” 

“I’m here because I couldn’t stand Diego’s complaining anymore. Seriously, that guy needs something more than just throwing knives. It’s obviously not letting enough anger out -”

“ _ Five.”  _ she said, interrupting his rant.

He turned back to her like he had forgotten they were in the same room. “Oh, right. We can’t start without you.”

She was completely floored. They were waiting on her. Because they thought she should be part of the meeting. Like she mattered. She could only stare at Five. For the third time in just a couple of days, she didn’t know how to react to being needed. 

“You’re the one that got us together. It wouldn’t be right to have the meeting without you.” He had cocked an eyebrow at her silence, again saying this like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

She finally got a hold of herself and realized that she was making her siblings wait for her. “Y-you should go start the meeting. I don’t know how much longer this is going to take, and Mother said I have to show her I improved. And I -,” she was shuffling papers around on her stand, feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things.

Five transported to her, hands still in his pockets. He looked up from behind his hair, almost shyly. Was Five ever  _ shy? _ “I want you to be there. I -” he looked away and visibly gulped. He took the hand holding her bow, awkwardly enveloping her fingers in his palm. “I just need you to be there when I tell them.” 

She finally realized that he was just stalling the entire time he was here. The meeting wasn’t something he was keen about, but he knew it was necessary to get them to team up. If last night told her anything, it was that he didn’t want to share what happened. But he needed people to understand that it was true. She understood that, but did Luther? Or Diego? Klaus, Ben, and Allison might not understand it either. He needed someone who  _ did  _ understand to be there. 

“I’ll be done as soon as I can.” she nodded.  _ I’ll always be there if you need me.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Family meeting coming up next!


	8. Family meeting: No adults allowed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have this up a couple of days ago, I'm so sorry! I know a lot of you were eager for the family meeting... I hope you enjoy it!

When she had finally proven her practice had actually refined the quality of her violin playing to Mother, she was dismissed. And it was dark outside. She quickly stacked papers and tidied up her playing room before scurrying out. Her heart was frantically beating with nervousness. What if they were mad at her for making them wait so long? How did they even know to get together? She hadn’t talked to anyone that day but Five. 

She caught herself rubbing the fabric of her skirt between her fingers as she hustled down the hallway towards Five’s room.  _ Ah, my medicine!  _ She had nearly forgot for the third time in a row. She normally took it right before bedtime and she has been sneaking out to stay with Five.  _ No wonder I haven’t been feeling right lately.  _ She knew that Mother always reminded her that her medicine was important to keep her anxiety under control because it was apparently very detrimental to her health when she was younger. She couldn’t remember the meltdowns she was told she had, but she would still have a panic attack every once in a while if she let her feelings become overwhelming. That would normally happen after a bad encounter with one of her siblings, or hurtful words from her father, or even nights when the darkness would allow painful thoughts to flood her. 

She knew her medicine was important, so how could she be so careless? She was nearly to Five’s door with the intention to walk passed, retrieve her medicine, and then return, but voices on the other side interrupted her clear path. 

Someone groaned loudly and said, exasperated, “ _ Where is she?  _ We’ve been waiting  _ forever! _ ” 

A gasp caught in her throat, and her need to please her siblings became more important than her medicine. She took a shaky breath, willing her taut muscles to relax, and opened the door. She hid behind her hair as she entered, looking down at the floor. 

“I’m sorry, I’m late,” she announced as remorseful as she could muster.

“ _ Late?  _ We’ve been waiting for like  _ ever. _ ” She looked up to see Allison with her arms crossed and an annoyed quirk in her eyebrow. 

She was sitting next to Luther on the bed with her legs crossed and Luther giving her a stern look. Diego looked angry as usual, a knife stuck in the floor next to him, trying to push a purposely limp Klaus off of his shoulder. Ben was currently pulling at Klaus’ legs, attempting to keep him on the bed. He was giggling at the blank expression on his fake-dead brother’s face. However, she noticed a blanket draped over Ben’s shoulders and a tiredness to his movements.  _ It must have been his training day.  _

She didn’t see Five sitting under the window, until he snapped, “At least she was being productive. When we have to wait for you, it’s because you’re doing your hair.”

Allison made a rude face at Five and he retorted again, “Nice comeback.” 

Everyone seemed to be very displeased with the whole situation. She pulled at the fabric on her skirt harder. “I-I’m sorry for making you wait.” She scurried to the front of the bed, avoiding eye contact with everyone and sat in the corner where the bed met the wall. This way, she wasn’t having to sit by anyone or be forced to meet their disappointed eyes. 

Klaus finally relieved Diego of his body weight and chirped, “Don’t worry Vanya! I couldn’t find you this morning, so Ben and I set this up with Five and got everyone in here!” He looked around with an obviously too big smile at everyone’s deadpan stares and held his hands up saying, “No, no. No need to thank me. You’re welcome!” 

“Can we just do this already? I need to sharpen my knives for tomorrow’s training.” Diego said loudly, taking his knife out of the floor and stabbing it in again. 

“Maybe if you didn’t  _ stab everything,  _ they wouldn’t need sharpened all the time, genius.” Five shot back, very obviously irritated with him damaging the floor in his room. 

“Stop. Just start already, Five.” Luther said in his big brother voice, catching the deep scowl on Diego’s face, knowing it would turn into a fight. Sometimes she was thankful for Luther using his Number One status as a buffer. Then again, sometimes she was thankful someone challenged his self-appointed rank, too.

Five rolled his eyes at Luther’s deep, authoritative tone and stood up. He didn’t look nervous and he didn’t sound nervous, but she could see it in the way his hands clenched at his sides, as he said, “You’re here so you can decide for yourselves if you believe me about the apocalypse,  _ that is definitely going to happen _ , or if you’re going to be idiots like normal and die  _ when the apocalypse happens.”  _ He was pacing back in forth in front of them all, pausing to stare them down each time he mentioned the impending doom.

She noticed a piece of fabric clutched in his fist as he passed her. It didn’t look familiar to her, but he was holding it very tightly. 

“How do we know you didn’t just lose your mind like dad said?” Diego said. The tension in the room immediately spiked, especially with the fury emanating from Five. Everyone was quiet. 

“I don’t know, Diego,” Five ground out, “Maybe because I _was_ there and dad _wasn’t_.” This constant anger between Five and Diego was causing their plans to go downhill very fast. She recalled the conversation they had about their siblings and their plan of attack, ending with Five declaring: _“Diego and Luther are too stupid to understand so I won’t waste my energy trying to convince them.”_

She cleared her throat, knowing they needed to get back on track. Her voice wasn’t as strong and convincing as she would have liked, but she said, “I don’t really see how we are losing anything by trusting Five.” She remembered what she had replied to Five:  _ “We need everyone if we want to save the world.” _

She felt everyone’s eyes on her.  She hugged herself, staring at Five’s shoes, and continued, “If the apocalypse isn’t real, we don’t really lose anything. But if it is and we didn’t do anything to stop it, we lose everything.” The tone of the silence wasn’t the same anymore. She couldn’t tell what changed but she could feel what she said was reasonable. She was proud of her words.  _ I guess hanging out with Five is rubbing off on me. _

“If we try to stop the apocalypse, or whatever, what do we even have to go off of?” Allison said. Vanya finally looked up at everyone and they all had serious faces. Which was great, but she hoped it stayed that way. 

“Yeah.” Luther agreed, leaning forward, “How do we even stop an apocalypse?” 

Everyone's eyes were back on Five. He quirked a smug smile before saying, “Lucky for you, I have something that can ID the person responsible.” 

He brought the fabric he was holding to the front of him. It acted as a magnet as everyone was drawn forward from where they were sitting, trying to see what he held. He slipped a small object out of the cloth and tossed it to Luther. She never would've caught it with her slow reflexes. 

“What…” he muttered, examining the unknown thing. 

Allison had moved closer but jumped back against the wall, yelping loudly, “Ew! What the hell, Five?” 

Five shushed her harshly and said, “It's a prosthetic! Stop being so dramatic!” 

Allison had crossed her arms across her chest as if the item being passed among her siblings would escape and get her. Vanya wanted to see it as badly as everyone else but stayed where she was, waiting her turn. She watched all of their faces pinch in confusion, one by one, until Diego finally tossed it to her. She almost didn't catch it, having to use her body as a backboard. 

She unraveled it from the folds in her shirt and was immediately reminded of the pretty little glass figurines that Allison had sitting along the mirror of her vanity. Those were unicorns and kittens. This shape was too flat to resemble an animal. She turned it over in her fingers and found a pupil staring back at her. She almost dropped it but willed herself to be brave. She looked up at Five and found him meeting her eyes. She felt like he was trying to tell her something by the way his eyebrows drew together. 

His gaze was snapped back to Luther as he asked, a little skeptical, “Where did you even get that?”

“The future, obviously.” He countered. 

“Umm, yeah. But like, where did you find it  _ in the future.”  _ Klaus said, wiggling his fingers. 

“I wish you would stop doing that every time you say the word ‘future’.” Five snapped. He turned away, toward the window. He was nervous about something again. She could see the tendons working in his hand. 

“Uh, hello? Are you going to answer the question?” Allison said, breaking the silence. 

Five finally responded again, turning back to them, “Where I found it is irrelevant. What's important is - “

“What do you mean _ irrelevant?”  _ Diego sneered. “How do we know it's important if we don't know where you got it?” 

Five stared down at Diego, his eyebrows severe, “You're right, Diego. I could've just plucked this prosthetic eye right out of one of the millions of burning corpses lying around.” He smiled bitterly, shaking his head. “Never mind. I don’t need any of your help.” 

She watched him in panic as he turned away towards the window again. He was giving up. Turning his back on them all. Including her and she couldn’t stand that. From where she was sitting, she had an angle that showed her part of his face. His eyes were wide and unseeing again.

Everyone was quiet for the second time, staring at his back like they were realizing that Five really did go somewhere else and he wasn't just hiding from them for a week. Her heart ached for him. He was definitely hiding something but it was as he said before:  _ “I can’t let you understand what happened the way I do.”  _ He was protecting them all. 

“Five was there for a month,” she said suddenly, taking herself by surprise, “...in the apocalypse by himself. There are some things that are too hard to talk about,” she took a breath nervously, trying to make them understand, “- things that don’t need to be said out loud for us to believe him. I think we can trust that this,” she glanced down at the eye meeting it's blank stare, “is important. We have to trust him.” Again, she was proud of her words, even if they sounded a little cheesy. She wasn’t accustomed to people listening to her and for what she said to be of any significance.

There was silence. Then, Ben cleared his throat, readjusting the blanket around him, “I'm in.” 

Klaus nodded his head animatedly, his curls bouncing, “You've got me too, dear brother!” 

“I don't really know what we're going to do to stop it, but I'll help.” Allison said, uncertainty cloaking her voice. She then turned her eyes on Luther expectantly. 

He met her eyes and sighed, “I think we should tell dad about what we're doing - “

“Yeah, I already tried that. Remember?” Five growled, still facing away from them. The distance in his eyes, now being overtaken by annoyance

“I can try talking to him about it. If he knows we have a lead, maybe he'll help us.” Luther continued. She couldn’t understand Luther’s need to satisfy their father. Especially when the praise he received was still scornful and critical of mistakes that were of no consequence. It made her sad for him. Though, she didn’t have much room for judging him. She relished in the rare approval he would rarely grace her with, too. 

Five turned on his heels, his lips pushed together in frustration as if he was trying not to yell, “If you want to help,  _ Dad can’t know _ . He will just try to control what we do, like he does with  _ everything. _ It’s going to turn into his own personal ego inflator, rather than saving billions of people.” 

She watched as everyone nodded in agreement, with their own separate expressions. Luther didn’t move a muscle as he met Five’s eyes, possibly avoiding Allison’s, and said regretfully, “I can’t let you do that. We need -”

“Oh, shut up!” Diego yelled, moving to his knees to lean further on the bed, ignoring Klaus’ whines about a personal bubble. He was swatting Klaus’ hands from his face as he shouted, “Dad is an asshole! He doesn’t care about saving the world! He cares about making himself feel like he’s better than anyone else!  _ Including us!” _

Luther stood from the bed, and she watched as everything fell apart. Diego moved to continue yelling in Luther’s face as Ben and Klaus stood from the bed so they were on the opposite side, safe from any possible punches. Allison was standing on the bed attempting to push the two boys apart. She was beginning to remove herself from their space as well, pressing herself against the wall away from Luther’s oversized feet. Once she was standing, Five pulled her to his side protectively, urging her closer to the window.

“Well, this is going well.” he murmured, pursing his lips in disappointment.

She looked down at his hand still holding her elbow to his side and replied, “It  _ was  _ going well. I think everyone believes you, so it’s not a complete loss.” The yelling and intensity of the whole situation was causing her head to throb, and a sense of hopelessness creeped into her original optimism. Her fingers were fidgeting with the artificial eye still in her hand.

“They only believe me because of what you said.” He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, and moved his fingers on her blazer anxiously. “Thanks for covering me.”

She smiled at him, the noise of the room lessening and his voice becoming more dominant to her ears. “I’m glad I could help. Seriously, you and Diego need some sibling bonding time or something.”

He chuckled, fully turning his head, “I don’t think -”

The door flew wide open, revealing Sir Reginald’s furious expression, “Children!” His shout echoed all the way down the hallway, silencing all voices in the room. Five dropped his hand to his side as if in attention of an army general. “This is completely unacceptable and will be discussed tomorrow after your training. Go to your rooms immediately!” His last word worked like a switch as everyone clicked into gear and hurried out of the room. As she passed their father, she noticed he wasn’t glaring down at them all with a disappointed look like he normally would. She followed his cold, angry stare to find them bearing down on Five. When she reached her room, she jumped at the sound of a slamming door and watched as Sir Reginald Hargreeves stormed away. The glass eye felt heavy in her fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Another family meeting...minus Vanya.
> 
> I hope I did the characters justice in their rationales and verbage. Let me know if I need to adjust anyone because they'll all be in the next chapter again. Also, what do you think about a Five POV chapter? Or another sibling POV and keep Five a little more mysterious? I need someone other than Vanya to explain the follow up meeting with Reginald since she won't be there. Let me know what you think would be best! I love reading your comments, they fill me with so much joy. Thank you for reading! :))


	9. A scary time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote a massive chapter and decided to split it in two. So I know I said this chapter would be a different POV, but due to it becoming so long, I'm going to call this a transition chapter into that other POV ;) It's still Vanya for right now, I hope you don't mind.
> 
> Enjoy!

Once all of the commotion was over of their father catching them all together, and knowing they were teaming together to stop something he forbade them from acknowledging, she sat on her bed waiting for what felt like an eternity to visit Five again. She sat, mulling over the meeting and the outcome of it. What was really accomplished? They believed Five about the future. But did they genuinely understand how truly dire it was?  _ Did she?  _

She knew that Five experienced something terrible when he traveled to the future. And she knew  _ he  _ believed it. How could she not believe him with his haunted stare? Was that what happened when you lost your mind? You have memories of things that never happened? And those fake memories affect everything about you? Down to your core? She couldn’t believe that. She wouldn’t. 

She needed to accept that she trusted Five and that she may never  _ really  _ understand what the apocalyptic future is like. She can never fully and unconditionally understand Five’s pain. But, she can  _ believe  _ him and be there for him. She nodded her head in finality. That’s what she can do. 

She never had someone trust her with this kind of support, nor had  _ she  _ trusted someone to carry her burdens and believe in her. Five, and Ben, and even Allison, were friendly with her, and seemed open to letting her rely on them, but she never could. She could never bring herself to share her sadness and anxieties with someone else. She didn’t want them to be weighed down by her. But she could do it for Five.

As her mind spiraled through these thoughts and she made a vow to herself to always trust Five and be there for him, she noticed the house had finally settled. It was quiet and perfect for sneaking. Pogo wasn’t at the door when she first entered for the meeting, so she assumed he had finally been relieved of his guard duty.

After changing into her pajamas and creeping out her door, she saw that she was wrong. Pogo was back and he was tired, probably interrupted from regaining his sleep from the last few nights. He shook his head at her before she even got to the door, saying, “No visitors tonight, Miss Vanya.” 

It was final. She tried arguing but was sternly sent back to her own bedroom. She closed the door in a huff. She was mad that her dad had so much control over everything. This was important. It was important that Five felt safe enough to rest. She didn’t know if he needed her tonight, but Pogo wouldn’t even let her in for her to check. Her chest felt like it was filling up with the anger and resentment for her father and it was going to overflow. 

She threw herself on her bed making a frustrated noise. She laid face down trying to calm her breathing and finally remembered what she had been putting off. She quickly got up and found her medicine sitting on her dresser. She popped a little white pill in her mouth and returned to her bed. She felt relieved knowing she was taking them again, even if she really didn’t need them these last couple days. She did seem more anxious, but it wasn’t unbearable. If her father and Grace said they were important, she should take them. 

As she laid back down, she averted her thoughts away from her father and thought through the meeting again. She had the glass eye sitting on her bed stand. It didn’t seem so scary anymore. It was almost a comfort to look at now, knowing Five brought it from the future, solidifying his story about the apocalypse. But when she thought of it that way, it seemed very menacing again, so she took it and stuffed it between her mattresses. 

Eventually she fell asleep, thinking of Five and whether he was finding rest without her. 

~*~*~  
  


She awoke to a soft sound. She had never been a heavy sleeper, so any small sound in the house would be enough to bring her out of sleep. When she opened her eyes, she blinked several times, not really knowing what she was looking at. 

There was a dark shape next to her mattress, but not on it. She blinked some more, letting the moonlight adjust her sight. Finally, it began to look like the back of someone’s head; Five’s head. 

She reached out, not really knowing if her hand would pass through like he was a shadow or she could touch him. His hair was smooth against her fingertips as she realized he was actually there. “Five?” she asked, still unsure if she was dreaming. 

“The moon is so bright in your room,” he said, barely moving or acknowledging her fingers still in contact with the back of his head. 

Once she heard his voice, she quickly took her hand from him like he burned her.  _ He was really there.  _ She blushed at herself. He reacted to that this time, turning his head slightly to glance at her and then back at the moon. It was shining very brightly, probably because it was full or near to. Five had told her about the phases of the moon once before. Before he traveled through time where there was no moon. That was a new piece of information she learned in their family meeting. It explained the way he had been acting when he first came back and he was asking about the darkness of his room. 

She watched him stare up at the moon, a peaceful quality in his eyes. “There really wasn’t a moon in the future?” She asked, her curiosity overpowering her need to not ruin the soft look on his face.

“No, there wasn’t,” he frowned, continuing, “I think it caused the end of the world.” 

She was quiet, thinking what it was like. Even when there is a new moon and it isn’t visible, there’s still some light. “Were there stars?” 

He turned his body so he was parallel with the bed now, but remained on the floor with his elbows resting on his knees. “There were stars but they didn’t give off any light. It was like I could see they were there but their light couldn’t reach the earth.” He let out a sigh, “The darkness there was like I was on a completely different planet.” He closed his eyes and she watched as a sad smile spread, “At night, when I tried to sleep, I swear I could feel the planet trying to suck the life out of me.” He shook his head and opened his eyes, “Like all the life in the world that died, took the light with it. And I was the only source left.” 

She was captivated by his words, like she was reading a really good book. When he stopped talking, she realized she was lost, gazing into his eyes. She had the strong urge to reach out and touch his face. To comfort him in some way. Instead, she broke their eye contact, looking down at the mattress and whispered, “I’m sorry, Five. That sounds like it was scary.” 

He hugged himself tighter, “I guess so.” She had never heard Five admit that he was scared by anything and she supposed this was as close as he would get to it. He looked so small and alone, sitting on the floor, even if he was only a foot from her. 

Her heart flared with the feeling of protecting him again, but it seemed different than the last few nights. Like she was unsure if her feeling was real. Whether it was real or not, she said, “You never have to go back there again, Five. You can stay here with us, and we’ll stop the apocalypse together.” 

He searched her eyes like Pogo did, checking for any inkling of a lie, and then nodded. “You’re right.”

She assumed he was in her room because he couldn’t sleep without being with someone as before. She was glad he chose her and seemed to still rely on her. She sat up, sliding over and taking her second pillow from behind her to place beside her own. “We should sleep.” She whispered, moving the blankets back like he had done for her.

He watched her as she prepared his spot on her bed. He nodded silently, glancing at the moon once more, avoiding her eyes. He moved smoothly to the bed and allowed her to pull the covers up over him. She laid down and searched his face. His eyes were closed and it looked as if he was already asleep. 

“Good night, Five.” she whispered, unsure if he would respond, and not really expecting it. 

He opened his eyes, and reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. His fingers grazed her cheek, sending a chill down the side of her neck where her hair brushed passed. “Good night, Vanya.” Still, he didn’t make eye contact with her as he closed his eyes again. She was relieved. She could feel the shock on her face and she didn’t want to make him feel bad. 

A tiny little bubble of  _ something  _ expanded in her chest. She couldn’t put her finger on what she was feeling, but it was a little uncomfortable… in a nice way. She scanned his face, checking for an emotion that she could maybe understand better and attach to. Unfortunately, he looked as before; blank and tired, possibly asleep. 

She pushed her confused thoughts away, along with the little bubble, finding it to be surprisingly easy. She closed her eyes, vaguely feeling Five’s fingers wrap around her own, and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going up just a few minutes after this one and it is the one you have all been waiting for.... Five's POV chapter! Woop, woop!
> 
> Thank you for reading!! :))


	10. Going Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Five's POV chapter! It was fun to write a little differently! I hope you enjoy it!

Five woke in the morning to the sun shining brightly. As he roused from his sleep, a deep dread filled him. He didn’t want to wake up. He didn’t want to see the world in ruin. The complete destruction of any structure that was originally standing, the rotting remains of the human race, and the burning of anything else that had a place in this world before whatever happened… happened.

Though, he didn’t smell death or smoke. He opened his eyes and saw Vanya’s sleeping face, free of ash or the smallest indication of decay. Her hand was warm in his, her breath slightly brushed the skin on his face, and there was a kind of light shining through her that only someone living could emanate. Not the kind of harsh light from the sun or a lightbulb, but a soft, comforting glow that told him he wasn’t alone. Not anymore. _Never again._

He took a breath, reminding himself she would be nearby, as he soundlessly left the bed. He didn’t want to let go of the warmth in her hands. He had been so cold, so empty without the touch of another human. Was that why he tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling the heat of her cheek? He didn’t fully understand why he did that. It was irritating not understanding his motivation for doing something when he was always so sure of himself. He supposed he wasn’t as sure of himself anymore. For all he knew, his mind _was_ lost and he was crazy.

He didn’t have time to dwell on trivial things, so he hesitantly let go of Vanya’s hand, and jumped back to his bedroom. _She is nearby. You’re in a house full of people. You’re not alone._ He reminded himself again. But, being back in his room where he has had to spend the last few days without contact with anyone but Grace who brought him food, and Vanya who brought him companionship at night, allowed the loneliness to flood back into him. It suffocated and debilitated everything about him. He couldn’t keep his thoughts from obsessing over his time in the apocalypse. No amount of reading random books he had lying around, or studying equations he had written before he grievously jumped into the future, or wrote new equations that might explain his return, kept him distracted from his trauma.

He was beginning to regret his decision to leave Vanya’s bed so early. He could have lingered a while longer, watching the flutter of her eyelashes or the way her lips would press together in a sleepy thought, admiring the life in her. But there was no reason go back now and risk waking her.

His day went as normally as someone restricted to the confines of their room could go. He utilized the distractions from the previous day as effectively as possible, ignoring the constant nagging of his brain on his calm facade. He became antsy as each meal approached, knowing there would be another person in his vicinity, even if that person was not a real person. Mother was a complicated person for him to comprehend. He understood she was a robot, and even witnessed at a young age, how she would recharge in her gallery of vibrant paintings. It was unsettling to him at first, but then rationalized it when he learned of her origin. She showed affection to them all, because they all knew better than to seek it from their father, and gave them an adult to rely on for their emotional needs. It was ironic to him that a robot created by the very man who lacked the ability to provide this, was meeting this need to seven children.

Unfortunately for him, Grace would make her visits brief, only asking if she could do anything to make him more comfortable, or offer to make him more food. She always seemed to offer food if someone was in low spirits. He couldn’t ask her to stay with him, not like he did with Vanya. That was uncharacteristic of him and would most likely make it back to his father, who would find some way to make him regret it.

So, he would assure her that he was comfortable and thank her for the food. He always felt a need to be polite and kind to her, since she did the same for him and his siblings.

As it approached evening, he was fighting the urge to jump to the music room as he did the day before. The isolation from the day was beginning to be too much for him to shoulder anymore. He needed to talk through the meeting with his father that was probably going to occur soon. He hadn't really thought of their secret family meeting or being caught by their father. It didn't seem relevant. He already knew his father would chastise him and his siblings harshly, possibly take away privileges, like free time in the evenings, and make them feel inferior. That seemed to be their father's favorite hobby. Make the children feel like they aren't good enough, and anything they do will _never_ be good enough. Reaching their full potential with their abilities was unattainable. At least for Reginald Hargreeves.

It hurt him when his dad completely disregarded him and the existence of the apocalypse. It hurt him even more when he justified his decision by claiming Five was insane. In front of his siblings. Who also held him in contempt by pitying him and his poor, crazy mind. Vanya was the only one who made any move against their father. The one who didn't have powers. _How did that even make sense?_ He still resented the rest of his siblings for their lack of grit. They were all a bunch of spineless babies when it came to standing up to their father.

He originally would have included Vanya in that category, but she proved that she had more in her. More courage than he ever knew she could muster in her little nervous body. He wondered what had been fueling her atypical actions lately. It was hard enough to get her to break rules when all of their siblings were involved, but for her to initiate disobedience on her own? That was unusual.

His thoughts were interrupted as his door briskly opened, revealing Sir Reginald. He looked crisp and rigid as usual, his voice matching his demeanor, “Get up, Number Five. It is time to discuss last night's nonsense.”

He fought the urge to roll his eyes as he rolled off his bed and followed the man out of his solitary confinement. His ears perked up at the light sound of a violin as they made their way down the wide staircase. He wondered if she had moved on from arpeggios yet.

He followed his father into the sitting room where he found all of his siblings, except Vanya, sitting or standing around one of the sofa’s. Their father shut the double doors and walked to sit on the opposite couch, crossing his legs and reaching for his pipe. The whole scene seemed strangely casual and unnerving.

When he continued to stand at the entrance, his father motioned for him to sit as he lit the packed tobacco, puffing out a small strand of smoke. As he approached the sofa surrounded by his siblings, a nasty feeling rose in his stomach as he looked at their kid faces, imagining the adult versions of them with wide unseeing eyes. He swallowed and sat between Allison and Ben.

“Now, children. Were you discussing the future and the presumed ending of the world yesterday evening?” The Monocle asked, with an air of displeasure.

It was quiet long enough for Five to say the name of the sibling he expected to give in first, in his head: “ _Luther.”_

“Yes, sir. We were giving Five a chance to explain where he went and what he found.” Their Number One replied.

Five was surprised at his words, though. Normally, Luther wouldn’t put one of his sibling’s above his dear father’s orders, nor would he admit to it. He would just ask for forgiveness, and relent to his disobedience, whether it could be justified or not. That’s how Five and Luther were different. Five wouldn’t easily submit to their father, he would fight until his dad submitted to _him_.

The man grunted in response, “And why would you feel the need to do that? After I specifically told all of you to disregard Number Five’s delusions.”

Luther was one of two children standing, Diego leaning on the armrest on the other side of the couch. Number One stood there as if he was expecting an emergency of some kind. He looked around at his siblings, possibly searching for help and found no one willing, so he took a breath and said, “What Five said seemed of importance and a possible threat. We were only doing what we thought was best for the safety of the world. As the academy should.” He added the last bit and received some glances from other people in the room.

It almost sounded as if Luther was chastising his father. They all turned their stares back to Sir Reginald, waiting for some sort of explosion. Five was even feeling the intensity, right down to his bones.

Their father scowled at Luther for a moment and said, “Very well. If you all believe this _apocalypse,”_ he said the word like it was foreign to him, “is real, the academy will stop it.”

It was like the entire room lost gravity and they were all light and free of anything weighing them down. He felt Allison and Ben on either side of him sink further into the cushions and Luther’s chest deflate like he had been holding his breath for days. He even had to admit that he felt better getting approval from their father. As much as he didn’t want to care, it made things easier for them.

“However,” he continued, bringing them back to the atmosphere, “The rest of you will resume your normal training and Number Five will begin more specialized training for his time jumps.”

His whole body went numb. He wasn’t implying what he thought he was implying, _was he?_

“Why?” he managed to say.

“You will go back to the future and gather more information.”

He knew it. “No.”

“I thought you wanted to save the world, Number Five? You can’t do that without evidence.”

 _Damn him. Damn him to hell._ Five knew what he was doing. He was using his weakness to scare him away. He was bluffing. He wouldn’t send him back to the _apocalypse._

All eyes were on him, but someone spoke first.

“But Five brought back a glass eye. He said it belongs to the person responsible for whatever happened.” It was Allison this time. He could feel her body lean closer to him, their arms almost touching. Like she was protecting him, like Vanya.

“I know of the prosthetic eye.” He retorted as if she was dumb.

He felt his nose flare at his father’s arrogance. She wouldn’t have known that Five had already presented the eye as proof to him and was immediately scorned for relying on something so insignificant.

He finally spoke up, defending his sister, “It has a serial number on it, if we can ju-”

“You’re a fool if you think that is enough to identify the true cause of the ending of the world.”

He knew he had been holding on to the prospect that the eye would be enough. He knew he was stupid for thinking it. He was in denial.

“I can’t go back.”

“You mean forward, Number Five. And you will if you want to stop the apocalypse.” He watched with a slowly building panic as his father took a puff of his pipe.

“I don’t even know how I returned here.” His voice was becoming more strained, his throat hurting.

“You will have to learn how to control your power. You weren’t ready before, and I warned you. Now you will have to learn so you can collect more information for this mission.”

He could hear himself breathing now and his siblings shifting around him, responding to him. His head was feeling dizzy and his chest tight. He thought he was looking at his father, but all he saw were ashes clouding the room and he smelled his siblings’ rotting bodies. He couldn’t feel the warmth of their bodies pressing against his sides. Not Allison, not Ben. Not anyone.

“But what if I can’t get back?” he said, shakily. He knew he sounded weak. He _was_ weak. He couldn’t control his powers. He didn’t know how he got back. All he could remember was despair. Despair from having to bury his siblings with the remains of the buildings around them. Not doing it soon enough because then he would be alone, and having to watch their eyes, void of anything, sink into their skulls, solidifying the horror of his reality. Now he would return there and die himself. He wouldn’t be able to duplicate his return. He would grow into an old man alone, and die alone. Vanya said he didn’t have to go back ever again. _She said he could stay here._

“If you don’t return, we’ll manage.” His father said rationally, as if he was speaking about a mundane task that could be completed without him. Not the possibility of him disappearing into the future to gather information about the destruction of the world, and being unable to return, lost forever to his family. He was expendable to his father. As much as he hated it, his heart hurt. His father never cared, no matter how much his naive kid brain wanted to believe that the man was just emotionally stunted and didn’t know how to show affection. He really just _didn’t care._

He sat there, unseeing, drowning in the realization that he was going to return to that hell, and his father didn’t care if he returned. The grayness of that world was still fogging his eyes and his nose hurt from the acrid scent of a dead world. He was alone again, and he couldn’t bring himself to move.

Soon, he felt hands on his shoulders, shaking him. He saw their faces but they were stretched and drained of life. Their voices were ghostly and full of pity. Those voices that didn’t actually belong in this world. He heard them all the time. Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Ben, Vanya. Constantly trying to get his attention and convince him to give in to the insanity.

The grabbing, and the ashes, and the stench, and the voices became too much for his damaged mind and he shouted, “ _Leave me alone_!”

Then, it was all gone. And he was at the academy again, now standing from the sofa, his hands holding the sides of his head as if it would explode, and his siblings all around him with those sympathetic eyes that told him they thought he was crazy. Their father was nowhere to be found. And there were tears streaking his face. _What happened?_

He took one more look at his dead sister and brothers, and walked forward into a spatial jump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think is going to happen next! Your comments always make me so happy and I love to hear your predictions because it gives me more ideas :)  
> Also... Did I write Five okay?? I'm just so unsure if I'm staying in canon with any of these characters. 
> 
> As always, thank you so so so much for all the kudos and comments! <3


	11. A Dead Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all... This story just broke 800 kudos!! WHAAAATTT. I never thought this story would get so much love, but THANK YOU for all the support! That's amazing. <3
> 
> We're back to Vanya in this chapter after an absence of her in the last chapter. I hope you all enjoy it!

She almost didn’t turn around when she heard someone enter her practice room, assuming it was Mother and she would be listening to her play anyway. But the way they entered seemed urgent. So when she turned, she didn’t expect to see Diego.

“Is F-F-Five in h-here?” he stuttered, looking around wildly. She didn’t even think he noticed himself struggling to get the words out as he would normally seem much more self conscious. Something was wrong.

“No? Why? What’s going on?” she asked, rushing over to him.

He met her eyes and there was reservation there. Like he didn’t want to tell her. A small flash of anger caused her to snatch the sleeve of his jacket, as if she would hold him there until he told her. She would try her hardest at least.

He looked startled at her reaction, not expecting her to actually act against him, but he pressed his lips together in acceptance, “F-Five thinks he has to go back to the f-f-future because Dad said he d-does. Which is total b-b-bull-,”

“ _What?”_ she gasped, feeling her stomach fall all the way down to her feet.

He nodded, “Exactly. I-I-It’s bullshit.”

She was hastily putting her violin down as Diego continued, “H-He just s-s-stopped hearing or s-s-something near the end and D-D-Dad got fed up with trying to g-get him to answer his s-s-stupid questions and left.” They walked out of her door together and found the rest of their siblings opening and closing doors, calling Five’s name. “H-He wouldn’t even s-s-say anything to us after Dad left. He was just s-s-staring at n-n-nothing... “

She finally looked over at him and found Diego’s eyebrows pulled together. He was concerned about Five and that wasn’t very characteristic of him to worry. She knew Diego cared for them all, he just didn’t show it. Five must have been acting very strangely for it to get through his tough love front. She knew the stare he was talking about, and it scared her too.

“Is he with you?” Ben asked, rushing toward them. They shook their heads and he asked again, “Do you think he would leave the academy?”

Diego looked at her as if she would know better than him. She was unsure. “I-I don’t know. I don’t think he wants to be alone.”

Diego and Ben exchanged a look and Ben said, “He said to leave him alone. Like he did to me the first day he was back.” He looked pained, like he was picking at a scab.

Her heart clenched, knowing again, that's not what he wanted. He wanted more than anything not to be alone. She knew that.

She hurried after the rest of their siblings, saying, “We need to find him. He needs us.”

~*~*~

“Where did he go?” Allison panted, leaning against the wall of the last door in the entire house. They were on the top floor of the Academy, all realizing how huge it really was when they were trying to find just one person.

“You really don’t think he would leave, Vanya?” Ben asked her again.

She looked around at her siblings, all with questioning eyes, igniting her anxiety. But it was only a small flame, as if someone lit a candle and put a large cup over it so it had just enough oxygen to continue. “I don’t think he wants to be alone. I don’t-”

“B-but he literally screamed at us to leave him alone.” Diego countered, his previous worry was gradually turning into anger as they continually searched for Five.

“I know…” she said, bowing her head. She couldn’t explain to them how she knew he didn’t want to be by himself. They didn’t know about them staying together every night. “I can’t explain it, but he really doesn’t want to be away from us.”

Diego rolled his eyes, Luther shook his head in uncertainty, and the rest just sighed. _Where was Five?_ She couldn’t think of anywhere that was significant to him, other than his room. Maybe he knew they would be looking for him and he really did want to be left alone… She was beginning to think she didn’t know Five any better than the rest of them.

“Maybe we could try Griddy’s?” Klaus said, airily, “Maybe he was hungry?”

“Did he l-l-look like he was h-hungry, s-s-stupid?” Diego stuttered. He struggled to get the last insult out, looking as if there was something in his mouth he was having a hard time swallowing. He relapsed to his originally harsh concern.

Klaus held up his hands defensively, “Calm down, crazy. I’m just saying that he isn’t in the house.”

 _That was it!_ Klaus was right. Five wasn’t in the house. “He isn’t in the house!” she said incredulously, turning to run and listening to her super powered brothers and sister follow her as if she was the leader. Her heart swelled for more than one reason.

They ran passed Mother, who didn’t really pay them any mind, calling after them, “Supper will be in 30 minutes, children!”

She burst out the front doors and quickly scanned the grounds. She couldn’t see him, but that’s what he wanted. She had no doubt he could see them, though.

“Spread out!” Luther commanded. And they all split, running in all directions.

Vanya ran straight for the front gate, thinking that maybe he returned to the spot she found him the night he came back. But looking through the iron rods revealed no sign of him. As she stepped back to get a better view of the whole length of the gate and glanced back and forth along it, she saw him. He was sitting between the bushes that ran the perimeter of the fence, and the rod iron.

She had the urge to shout that she had found him, but stopped. She didn’t want him to run away again. So, she crouched, moving into a crawl as she worked her way to him. As she neared, the flame became stronger and felt as if it had cracked the cup just the slightest to gain some more fuel. It wasn’t like she was being sneaky as she crunched across sticks and brushed the branches of the bushes. He didn’t seem to hear her.

Finally, she came up right next to him and moved to see his face better. His eyes weren’t empty. They were brimming with horror and tears. His hands were grabbing at each other in front of him, wringing and pulling at his fingers.

The glass around her flame completely shattered, and she felt her own tears. She sat so she was facing his side and reached out to cover his tormented hands. She wasn’t holding them exactly, just pressing them into her own the best she could, so they would cease their constant twisting. His hands were very cold against her sweaty, hot ones.

She looked back at his face, and found his eyes looking more sad than scared now, still not seeing her. “You’re warm.” he whispered.

The flame was burning her up now. She nodded, stifling a sniffle. “I’m here, Five.”

“But the voices…”

“My voice is real. I’m here with you.” She squeezed his hands, noticing that they were motionless now.

He shook his head in disbelief, the tears refreshening their glisten on his cheeks, “You’re all dead. You’re all -” His mouth broke into a tragic frown, a sob emerged from deep in his chest.

She was startled by his words, the truth in his traveling experience finally coming to light. She dropped his hands and reached out for him, having to get up on her knees to wrap her arms around the back of his head. He didn’t resist her touch, and all but fell into her embrace, his face buried in her hair against her shoulder.

“No, Five. We’re all here. We’re alive with you.” She whispered, holding him tighter to possibly keep him from shaking apart. He clung to her desperately, crying and crying and crying. It hurt her so badly to see him like this. But it was beginning to make sense in her head. How much he was affected _and why._ She couldn’t imagine being in a world where you know that everyone you loved died a horrible death, and you had to live without them. In a world that it _really_ happened. And now he was being told he had to go back there. To live in that world _again._

Luther must have finally heard them, and watched from behind the bush, pity in his eyes. No, it wasn’t pity, she realized. It was empathy. He was feeling Five’s pain like she was. And soon the rest of their siblings appeared, reflecting the same sentiment.  

~*~*~

She held him for a long time, not knowing when or if he would stop, but it was a small comfort to have all of her siblings there with them. Even if she knew there wasn’t much they could do to help Five, she wanted to believe that their presence helped ease his broken mind.

Eventually, Mother called for them all to come in for supper. She exchanged panicked glances from the others, but watched as Klaus and Ben came over and helped them both stand up. It was a bit awkward with him still clinging to her, but she was guessing that he wanted to remain hidden from the rest of them. He was still prideful Five. Ben and Klaus understood this as well, as they returned to the rest of their brothers and sister.

He had stopped sobbing and was only sniffling. He moved so he was fully hugging her and tipped his head back to whisper in her ear, “I’m just going to my room.”

She sighed, nodding.

Before he stepped away from her to be consumed in a flash of blue, he gripped her shoulders and said in her ear, “Thank you, Vanya. I want to talk to you all after supper.” And he was gone.

Everyone had started moving toward the door but stopped when they noticed Five’s spatial jump. She recognized the immediate panic in their eyes, as she would have felt if he didn’t tell her where he was going.

Her body felt cold in the growing darkness of nightfall, but reassured her siblings, “He’s alright. He’s in his room. He wants to talk to us after supper.” They all nodded in relief, but didn’t turn away from her.

Allison looked sheepish, “Did he say anything else to you?”

She supposed they were all wondering the same, by the earnest looks they all gave her. The anxiety from earlier didn’t seem to bother her as she met their eyes and said, “It isn’t that he doesn’t want to go back because the world is destroyed…” she paused, feeling tears well up, as she looked at each of her siblings, knowing they would all be dead in the near future. _So this is what he felt when he looked at them._ “It’s because we’re all dead there.”

She couldn’t stop the sob she realized she was suppressing since she found Five. She turned from their gazes, covering her mouth to possibly stifle it. Everything was on fire now, no glass cup to suffocate it. Someone’s hands were on her shoulders and she felt her body being pulled into another. They were wearing that expensive perfume that she thought was too sweet and smelled like roses dipped in chocolate. _Allison._

“It’s okay, Vanya.” she soothed. She couldn’t remember the last time Allison hugged her. She leaned into the embrace, feeling Allison’s hands rub her back.

She shook her head, feeling helpless. “It’s not okay. He’s not okay.”

“We’ll help him. We’ll stop it together.”

 _Together. All of them. With her._ That’s all she ever wanted.

She sighed and nodded. She took this feeling and tucked it gently into her most precious memories, and leaned back. She almost jumped to find everyone else surrounding her as well. It was the same look as before with Five. Not pity anymore.

She looked around at them and said, “We should go in. Supper is ready.”

They nodded and walked for the door. Allison put her arm around her, steering her toward the house. So much had changed in only a few days.

~*~*~

Eating supper with their father after the events of the day was tense. If he noticed, he didn’t show it. He listened intently to the scratchy record giving step by step instructions on various knots to tie in the case of restraining a criminal.

They all glared at him anytime he chanced a look at one of them. Even Luther showed signs of irritation.  

As soon as he dismissed them, they ran up the stairs to Five’s room. He was sitting near the head of his bed, looking a little more dignified, but still showing signs of his earlier stress. They all came in and found somewhere to sit, whether on the floor or the bed. Ben sat beside Five, Klaus next to him, Allison settled behind them with Luther next to her, Diego on the floor near the end of the bed, and she sat in the corner that the bed made with the wall. Everything seemed very similar to their family meeting. However, Five was among them this time, surrounded by his siblings instead of pacing in front of them.

No one had really said much and it was beginning to feel a bit awkward, but eventually, Five said, “Dad is right.”

All at once, everyone began to voice their concerns. Diego fuming about Dad being an idiot, Luther trying to rationalize the prosthetic eye being enough, Allison thinking through a different way of gathering more evidence, and Ben and Klaus coming up with a plan to send them all into the future using a time machine. Five only sighed and looked down at her. His eyes were so tired. Tired in a way that said he couldn’t keep holding in everything anymore. The thing she saw in his eyes when he looked at his siblings was too much to bare anymore. There were so many emotions rushing through her veins, racing to dominate her. But there was only one thing she could think to do to satisfy it all. She reached up and held his hand. “ _I will always be there if you need me.”_ She could gratify all of her emotions, if she could help Five.

He pressed his lips together and swallowed. His fingers readjusted on hers so he could hold them tightly. He took a breath, and said loudly, “I found you all dead.”

Everyone’s voices faded to silence, except for Diego who was still raging about something that happened four years ago. He abruptly stopped when they all turned to look at him. “What?” he said.

“Five said he found us all dead in the future.” Allison said with dread. It was like they all knew, but not really. Like they knew it was possible but didn’t really think about it until Five confirmed it out loud. He not only had to live in a world where his family was dead, but he lived in that world knowing _exactly_ where to find them. There was a stunned quiet in the room.

“Like, you found our bodies?” Klaus said, clearly disturbed.

Five was slumped on the bed, his elbows resting on his thighs, like it was too much effort to hold himself up. She squeezed his fingers. “Yup.” Was all he replied.

They sat a bit longer before Luther asked, “Could you tell what happened to us?”

Five closed his eyes and ran the hand she wasn’t holding down his face and said a bit sarcastically, “I don’t know. You were mostly buried in rubble from buildings and slightly burned like everything else.” He paused, turning to look at Luther, “I found the eye in your hand. So I assume you all went down fighting.”

“That’s why you think it’s important…” Diego muttered, looking offended at Allison’s rolling eyes.

“Wait.” Ben said, “When did you say this is happening? Do you know?” The Hargreeves all looked at each other, wondering why they didn’t ask that sooner.  

“April 1st, 2019.” Five replied almost automatically.

They were all looking at each other, Vanya looking up at Five’s exhausted expression.

“That’s like…” Klaus’ eyebrows drew together as he calculated the math.

“17 years away.” Ben completed his statement in a daze.

“I’m confused.” said Diego. “How did you know it was us?”

“Really?” Five snapped. “That’s what you’re confused about?”

Diego huffed, “I mean, we will look completely different in 17 years -”

“Yes, it’s 17 years away, but _it is_ going to happen in 17 years. I have _17 years_ to save the entire world.” He sat up, looking at them, “I have 17 years to figure out what killed you all.”  

His gaze ended on Ben sitting beside him, then over to her. She found his eyebrows to be dipped in an odd expression. His gaze was intense and it seemed as if there was more.

He opened his mouth, shut it, thought better of it, and finally said, “I didn’t find _all_ of you.”  He was still looking at her, his fingers now moving restlessly in hers.

“What?” Diego said again, talking about something else like before.

“Vanya and Ben weren’t there.” He was looking at her like he was confused. “I didn’t find them.”

Everyone looked at each other. Luther mumbled, “Maybe…”

“Maybe this is a clue.” Five finished for him, breaking his gaze with her. “Or maybe it doesn’t mean anything.” He speculated, staring at the floor.

She found her voice after all this time, not really knowing what to think, “You didn’t find me or Ben with everyone else?”

“I didn’t find either of you at all.” He replied, looking over to her. He stood, gently letting go of her hand and striding over to his desk. She knew that determination. It both relieved her and worried her.

As Five shuffled through papers and began scribbling onto one of them, Ben moved to the floor beside her.

“What do you think that means?” he asked.

“I don’t know. But it’s still more than what we had before.” she replied. They looked at each other, both in deep thought. Why wouldn’t they be with the rest of their siblings trying to stop the apocalypse? It was 17 years away. A lot can happen in 17 years, but would it really affect a situation as important as that?

She wanted to keep thinking about saving the future, and clues, and the absence of her future self, but she was distracted. She kept glancing over at Five, writing purposefully at his desk, with a stubborn wrinkle in his brow. _He was really going back there._

She looked around at her siblings for some kind of reassurance, but they all looked as consumed by the new information as she was only moments ago. They were worried about the main priority, as they should be. As she should be. As Five was. But she couldn’t push the panic away that was slowly rising like bile from her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I LOVE to hear from you all. Your comments really keep me going, especially with releasing a chapter (almost) every week. Let me know how you think Vanya is going to take all of this and if Five will be acting differently now that he seems a little more determined about saving the future.


	12. Just One Minute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy! This chapter was a bit of a challenge for me because I had to actually THINK about how Five's power works and I'm like... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ So Google was my friend for a lot of the nonsense I came up with. But also I had to make it work with how I want this to end (yeah, I kinda have an idea of where this is going lol).
> 
> Also, I made a mistake in the previous chapter about when the apocalypse supposedly happens. According to some fans who have read the comics (it doesn't come out and say the date there, either), it is on April 1st, 2019. I'm going back to change that in the other chapter so it matches this one. If for some reason I'm dumb, and completely missed them saying it in the show, let me know in the comments! I want to get it right!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

The next couple of days were made up of equations and aimlessly predicting timelines and possible outcomes. There really wasn’t a lot to go off of, but he could make himself busy and not think of the upcoming event of returning to the future. Sure, all of his equations and predictions were completely oriented toward his return, but they were distracting him from the unpleasant reality of it. He would rather have pointless theorizing than oppressive memories revolving around his dead family.

When he told his siblings the fate of their future selves, he didn’t really know how they would react. It seemed to give them more of a reason to believe him and take their “mission” seriously. Perhaps he should have revealed it sooner. It wasn’t something he wanted to share. It was like he told Vanya; he didn’t want them to understand the future like he did. And he meant that. He didn’t want to tell them, but he was weak. He had no control over anything… except for these equations that could save him from wasting away in the future.

His father hadn’t come to check on him, probably relying on reports from Pogo and Grace. He was informed only a couple of days ago that he would begin his specialized training soon. Today, to be exact.

The night before was a sleepless one, even if Vanya was there to ease his crippled, lonely mind. He couldn’t explain the effect her presence had on him. Whether it was at night to sleep, or during the day for him to spout his deductions. He relied on her more than she understood. He knew that for sure. It wasn’t something he was familiar or even really comfortable with, but he knew it helped ward off unwanted feelings. He hated being consumed by his trauma more than he disliked depending on someone. He supposed Vanya’s unobtrusiveness helped him adapt to the change.

However, he noticed a change in her responsiveness to his ramblings. Before he disappeared into a messy time jump, she would eagerly listen to him talk about anything that might be running through his head. Mostly tireless strings of ideas that would never lead to any real conclusions. But she would sit and listen, nodding her head and asking general enough questions that didn’t expose her lack of understanding, but moved his thought process forward. Anyone else in the house would stare blankly at his musings, and he would end the conversation with an offensive jab at their intelligence. It wasn’t a secret that he could be difficult to talk to.

Now, as he tried explaining Einstein’s theory of special relativity and how it could be the answer to his problem of returning home, he watched as his words passed through her like she was a ghost, completely unaffected. Her face was blank, but it seemed forced. He didn’t know if it was because of what he was telling her, or another reason. She was hiding something. He knew she had been since he finally unveiled the real darkness he was struggling to deal with. Even after telling them about the mystery of Ben and her not being found, he could see something was wrong.

He walked to stand in front of her as she sat on the bed. She didn’t seem to notice that he had stopped talking until he bent so he was at eye level with her. “Vanya.” he said.

She looked startled and leaned away from him, blushing. He didn’t realize how close he had been, almost blushing himself, but grinning instead. He liked it when he could get more than a meek expression from her. “What?” She gasped.

“Are you listening?” he probed, not moving from studying her face.

“Of course I am.” She said, confused.

He almost felt bad for questioning her. Vanya always had good intentions. He didn’t think she could ever be malicious, in any way. Not intentionally at least.

He straightened, standing up, his hands still in his pockets. He pressed his lips together, unsure if he should ask if there was something bothering her. She was looking up at him with questioning eyes, her fingers tugging at the hem of her skirt. He was making her nervous.

“Never mind.” He said, turning toward the window. He squinted at the bright afternoon light. She was given a little more freedom from Grace, who said that her quick work earned her a small break. Their dear Father seemed to think she still deserved an unreasonable amount of work, and he couldn’t understand it.

“Five?” She called his name. She sounded uncertain. Maybe he wouldn’t have to interrogate her until she told him.

“Hmm?” he answered turning back toward her.

She pushed her shoulders back and her eyebrows dipped in determination. He didn’t think he had ever seen that expression outside of her violin playing. “I’m -”

Pogo opened the door, “Miss Vanya, it is time to return to your lessons. Master Five, your father has requested your presence.”

His stomach immediately clenched, noticing that he had been ignoring his uneasiness to time travel again. Vanya saw it in his face as she stood, giving him that look he had never seen until he returned from the future. That look that reminded him she was nearby and she would be there as soon as he needed her. He appreciated that affirmation more than he liked to admit.

He still felt sick to his stomach, but his new worries lessened just a little. He gave her a small nod and she left. He followed Pogo out the door, walking the opposite direction from Vanya.

Sir Reginald was waiting for him in their training gymnasium. It was half the size you would find in a typical school and used entirely differently. He only knew the difference because of a mission they completed in an abandoned school involving gang activity.

“Quickly, Number Five. Your sister's training took longer than expected and there is a lot I want to accomplish today with you.” His father called from across the cavernous room.

He took a breath, wary of his father's plans and jumped to the front of the man.

“I want to know of your time jumping experience.” It wasn't a question, but a demand. And it triggered irritation in Five.

“What exactly do you want to know, Father?” He felt a tight smile on his face.

“I want to know the time you jumped to.”

“I jumped to April 1st of 2019.”

“ _All_ of the times you jumped to, Number Five.” He said, testily.

He took a breath wondering how he would have known about the two jumps before 2019, “August of 2007 and January of 2013.”

“Did you notice your powers becoming weaker after each jump?”

“Yes.” His chest was getting tighter.

“Did it not cross your mind that you wouldn't have enough power to return?”

 _Tighter._ “Yes.”

“Did you have a plan for when that happened?”

“I planned to live in the time I was in until I was able to return.”

“That didn’t turn out well, did it?” His father inquired. He was making a dissatisfied frown.

He closed his eyes. He should have known this was going to turn into a guilt trip.

“This is why I said you weren’t ready to time travel, Number Five. You had no plan and obviously not an inkling of what you were doing. It was irresponsible and half-witted.”

His anger flared, “If you would have just let me try _here_ , like I had asked, I wouldn’t have had to -”

“Do not try to get out of blame for this. You were impulsive and if I understand correctly, you paid for your mistake.” Sir Reginald glared down at him as if he could see right through him, knowing exactly what he had witnessed in the future. It was like he was completely bare, standing there in front of his father. He had a way of making shame feel like being submerged in a river of ice and the chill of it drowning any previous sense of pride.

Five hadn’t realized the silence until his father said, “Now. Let’s begin with the training you so desired before you left.”

He watched the man, feeling the tension in his stomach become more nauseous.

“You will first attempt to jump one minute into the future.” He paused holding his finger up, “I will walk from the other side of the gymnasium over to you as you jump one minute ahead. You will return as I reach you .” He raised his eyebrows at Five. “Do you understand?”

He acted as if it was as easy as spatial jumps. Five learned very quickly, right after his first time jump, that the two were altogether on different planes of discipline. Moving through space was far simpler as he would literally just move between the expanse until he was where he wanted to be. He didn’t need to be so exact. But, time… That was a fickle bitch. In order for it to function correctly, the equations used to determine his speed needed to be absolute and without a margin of error. That made for a difficult and dangerous attempt. He could end up in 2019 again.

“I don’t know how to travel only a minute.” He said, almost as an excuse. But it was true. He only knew how to jump to a specific year or month. That was much more manageable during his first jump as it gave him a wider range. To narrow his calculations down to a minute would be impossible at his current skill level.

“Well, this is your time to figure it out, Number Five.” He held his hands behind his back, walking to the other side of gym, not waiting for a reply. “When you’re ready, I will begin walking.” He called over.

He just stared at him like he was insane. He couldn’t expect him to do something so precise on the first try. “I _said_ I don’t know how -”

His father cocked his head inquisitively, “You said the world was ending, didn’t you?” It was like he backhanded him across the face. “There are billions of lives at stake.” His father’s words echoed between them, reverberating off the walls.

His siblings’ dead faces flashed in his eyes. Even Ben and Vanya’s. It didn’t matter that he didn’t find them, he knew their skin would crinkle and rot just as much as the others’. He felt like puking. He knew his father was right. He was always right.

He swallowed hard, nodded once and looked down at the glossy floor.

“Let’s begin.” he announced, casually stepping forward.

Five attempted to push the sense of dread and queasiness away, and focus on the equation forming in his mind. The more precise the jump, spatial or time, the longer the equation. Sure, he had been practicing writing and formulating them, but it would take longer than a few days. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the _clack, clack, clack,_ of his father’s shoes moving closer and closer. He was switching the numbers around that floated in his head, _trying_ to reach the correct combination for the task at hand. He clenched his hands, feeling sweat bead on his brow. Was it from the equations or the fear of jumping creeping up on him? _I can’t do it. I don’t know how. I’ll end up somewhere other than here._

All of his thoughts were mixing together and muddling his previous work, and the sound of his footsteps were getting louder and louder. The smell of smoke was suddenly in his nostrils and it was making breathing hard. He was overwhelmed by everything, but his father’s words were yelling in his ears, _“There are billions of lives at stake,”_ and his brothers’ and sisters’ bodies were laid out behind his eyelids, and the desperation to not fail was ripping him up like paper. He flared his power, feeling it pulse in his palms, and pull at his limbs. All of his muscles were straining to push him into the future by one minute. _C’mon, just one minute!_

But nothing happened.

He dropped to his knees as he did in the future in front of the ruined Academy. He shook with defeat and disbelief as he did then, too. _He couldn’t do it. He was weak. He would fail the world. Fail his family._

“Number Five!” Reginald Hargreeves barked from above as he stood directly in front of him. “Get up! And try again!”

He didn’t have the energy to argue, knowing full well that he would just be wasting his breath. He knew how his dad did trainings with them. They would be pushed and pushed until they met his unattainable goals, or until they collapsed. He knew which fate he would suffer today.

After shakily returning to his feet, Sir Reginald continued to walk back and forth across the gymnasium, expecting Five to appear at the end of his route. In one damned minute.

Five tried again and again, suffering the same symptoms as before, only to lead to the same outcome. It was strenuous and overly exhausting in more than a couple of ways.

When his father finally dismissed him in a huff of disappointment, Five was drenched in sweat. The chills from it caused his stomach to twitch in discomfort and his head to throb. He didn’t know what time it was or even where he was walking until he reached his bedroom door.

As soon as he entered and closed the door behind him, he couldn’t fight it anymore. He ran to the other side of his bed and vomited in his waste can. The memory of ash was washed away by the bitterness of bile, and decaying bodies were replaced with the smell of its acrid stench. His body heaved until there was nothing left.

He was beyond drained, barely saving himself from passing out in his own puke by pushing back against the side of his bed.

“Shit.” He whispered, before losing consciousness.

~*~*~

When he woke up, there was something warm along his arm. He was thankful for the blanket that had evidently been draped over him, as he shivered from the cold sweat on the back of his neck. Then, he recognized fingers grasping his hand tightly. _Vanya._

It was very hard for him to raise his eyelids, but he wanted to be sure she was there. He was always so unsure, unable to trust his own mind. Sure enough, Vanya was sitting there beside him. He could only glance at her from the sides of his eyes, too tired to turn his head. From what he could tell, she hadn’t noticed him returning to consciousness.

Her head was bowed with his hand wrapped up in hers, lying in her lap. There was a wetness on the top of his hand. It wasn’t sweat as it kept rewetting itself. Plop. And another bead of water gathered on his skin. His heart clenched painfully. _She was crying again._

He hated when Vanya cried. It did something strange to him. He had a similar feeling to when he would see Ben or Allison cry. But, it was like Vanya’s tears were expressing more than just a simple feeling of sadness. They were _pained_ , like they were punishing her for feeling something. He knew Vanya struggled to feel like a part of their family because she didn’t have powers, but he never once thought of her as someone who didn’t belong with them. With him. He didn’t want her to hurt anymore.

He strained his neck to turn towards her, still resting it against the mattress and croaked, “Vanya.”

He watched as she frantically wiped at her face, hiding behind her hair. He pressed his palm firmly against the hand still in his and whispered, “Don’t cry. It’s okay.”

She gasped a little, probably surprised that he was aware enough to know. She peeked through a gap in her hair at him. They held each other’s eyes for a moment before she said, “I’ll go get Mother. You need to lay down.”

She moved to stand as if she was going to leave. If she left, he would be alone again. He didn’t know if it was his wary mind or something else, but he gripped her hand and plead, “Don’t leave. Please.”

He felt her movements hault, still unable to lift his head enough to know what was going on. She settled beside him again, readjusting her hold of his hand.

“Just a bit longer.” She murmured.

He couldn’t tell what she was thinking or feeling by listening to her voice, but he was just glad to hear her. And feel her warmth. He rubbed his thumb against the smooth skin on the inside of her wrist and closed his eyes, pushing the stinging in his eyes away.

 _"Not much longer_ ," he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I love getting comments from you all. Let me know what you think about how Vanya is acting from Five's POV and if Five will be able to master his time jumps. Thank you for reading!! <3


	13. Maybe it's enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to give too much away in this note... but this is a big chapter for Vanya.
> 
> Enjoy!

As she sat beside Five and listened to his slow breathing, she was working to calm herself. When she found him, she would've thought he was dead if not for the labored rise and fall of his chest. His skin was pale and sweaty, his limbs sprawled out around him, and he was slumped haphazardly against his mattress with a trash can of vomit beside him. She covered him with a blanket from his bed, not knowing how else to help him.

She knew his training would be difficult, but she didn't realize it would eat away at him like this. The worry she had been fighting since their meeting the night before hit her full force, demolishing the wall she had built to hide the brewing storm of worry. So she cried. 

It was hard to be supportive of someone and their decisions when she knew it was destroying them. She didn't want to be angry with Five for wanting to return to the future, especially when he was doing it to save the world, but it was _ hard _ not to be. Did he care if something happened to him? Did he care what it would do to their family if he didn't return? Did he care what it would do to her? 

She had cried harder feeling the storm in her whip around all of her thoughts, crashing into each other, causing resentment and guilt to slice at her, over and over. She could only grasp Five’s hand and suffer through the war raging inside of her. 

When he woke up and told her to stop crying, and reassured her “it was okay,” she knew she couldn't tell him. He had his own battles to confront without her being a hindrance. She wasn't worth the worry to others. Definitely not for Five. 

She knew he still needed her to be there for him. But she didn't know how to stifle these stupid feelings that didn't really matter. She didn't know how much longer she could keep it all at bay. But she would try. 

After sitting with him for awhile longer waiting for him to find sleep again, a strange calm allowed her to shakily rebuild the previous wall and hold Five’s hand with a little more conviction. 

She retrieved Mother and returned to her room to allow him to be given proper care. Supper had already been served so now she just needed to wait. She thought about seeking out her siblings but didn't want to talk about the apocalypse, and she thought about playing her violin but found herself to be in the wrong mindset.  

Honestly, she felt sick. Like she could lose the porkchop and potatoes she just ate. The storm within her had placated, but her anxiety continued to pull at her insides like tangled up yarn. 

She picked up the pill bottle off her dresser and stared at it in her hand. She had forgotten to take it so much in the last week. Father told her to take it everyday to keep the very anxiety she was struggling with under control. It was already in her veins from last night's dose but it didn't seem to have much of an effect against the strong emotions she had been experiencing. 

She popped the lid open and emptied a little pill in her palm. It felt odd in her hand, like it wasn't really there. But she knew it was because she took it out of the bottle. It didn't seem like enough. 

She shook a second pill out, joining it with the other. She could feel a very slight difference of weight in her hand. “ _ Maybe this is enough.”  _ She considered. 

There was a sound at her door and she quickly popped the two tablets in her mouth and she swallowed. She didn't understand why she felt scared. 

“Vanya - “ Allison started.

She whipped her head around to see her sister coming in her room. She stopped as if alarmed by something. 

Allison walked up, putting her hands on her shoulders, “Are you okay?” Her eyes were searching her face and it was making her aware of how she probably looked after her meltdown with Five. 

She turned her face away, looking down at the floor and bringing a hand up to pull at a strand of hair. “What do you mean? I’m fine.” She tried laughing a little to make the situation less serious. But it sounded strange in her ears. 

Allison gripped her arms a little tighter, ducking her head to see better. “No, you’re not. You’ve been crying.” 

She was beginning to regret not closing her door. “No. My eyes have just been bothering me -,” 

“Vanya. If it’s Five, I told you he’ll be okay! We’ll all -”

“He’s  _ not  _ okay.” And just like that, the storm was returning to overwhelm her again. She turned away from Allison, moving out of her hold. “He got sick from his training today. Something really bad is happening with him.” Why was everyone ignoring what Five was going through? They said they would help him stop the apocalypse, but they weren’t doing anything. She didn’t know what they could do, but they weren’t even trying. They had the power, so why didn’t they use it? 

“Dad pushes all of us too hard. Five isn’t the only one who gets sick after training.” She sounded annoyed. Vanya looked at her sister and allowed her current feelings to mingle with her previous emotions. Irritation was rising and she felt tears in her eyes. 

“You all said you would  _ help  _ him. But no one acts like they care about what he has to do to go back to the future! What it’s doing to him!” She had paced across her small room during her outburst to stand at her window. 

She watched as an ugly scowl twisted her sister’s face. “And what are  _ you  _ doing? You can’t even help us fight if it comes to that. He probably couldn’t find your body because you were hiding somewhere!” 

Her siblings didn’t bring up that she didn’t have powers very often. And when they did, she wanted to believe they weren't doing it to hurt her. But why else would they remind her they were better than her? Why did she think anything had changed? That her siblings thought she was worth something? That she could be useful to Five? That he needed her? She couldn’t do anything to help anyone. 

The sound of rain had begun outside her window. It filled her ears, drowning out anything else that might be trying to reach her. She looked at her sister allowing the bitterness towards her extraordinary siblings fill her up, all the animosity she held against them for not helping Five more, and the crippling disappointment of being an ordinary person who couldn’t save the siblings she resented, finally take control. 

“You’re right. I’m useless.” It hurt to say it out loud, and it seemed to soften her sister some, too. “I can’t do anything to help. I shouldn’t be part of this family.” More tears and torrents of rain pounded in her ears. “When the apocalypse comes, save them.” The resentment was beginning to dissipate and make room for all the sadness she carried when thinking about her siblings dying. About Five’s hardships and tragic experience. 

She couldn’t see her sister anymore, tears blurring the space around her. She took a shuddering breath, thunder rumbling through her bones. “I’m not worth saving. So don’t bother.” 

The rain continued to downpour, but the pounding of it in her head lessened enough for her to hear Allison trying to take back her words, “Vanya, I didn’t mean -,” 

“Yes, you did. You just said what everyone else was thinking.” She blinked to clear her eyes enough to watch her sister’s reaction. She had moved closer, reaching out like she had earlier when she entered the room. 

She backed away, shrinking away from the false hope of receiving love from her sister. Her warm, soft hands making her feel safe and cared for, weren't worth the regret of it later when someone took it all back with just a few destructive words. Her heart couldn't take any of it anymore. 

“Leave me alone. I know you don't really care about me. I won't expect it anymore.” 

“Vanya, that's not fair. I didn't mean - “

“ _ Yes you did.” _ She ground out, anger and the loudness of water against her window returning to drown her. “Get out of my room.”

Allison's eyebrows dipped in irritation. She opened her mouth to argue again but was cut off. 

“I said to _ get out!”  _ she shouted, feeling like the room shook. Allison looked fearful and backed toward the door. 

“I'm sorry!” she mouthed, tears springing to her eyes. If she said those words aloud, Vanya didn't hear them, just the rush of the rain, urgently pounding on the window behind her. 

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” She yelled again, squeezing her eyes shut. The door to her room slammed and she was by herself. The way it should be. The way she will always be.

Again, she cried. But she didn’t try to be quiet or hide it. She wanted everything out of her. All the hate that was coursing through her, all the worry that made her sick, and all the sadness that rubbed and rubbed at her heart until it was so raw it  _ hurt.  _ Everything hurt.

She curled up on her bed and sobbed into her hands, digging her fingernails into her scalp. It wasn’t long before she became too tired and cried herself asleep. 

 

~*~*~

 

She woke up to Grace’s calm smile. “Vanya, dear. It’s time to wake up now.” 

She blinked a few times feeling gross crusties sticking in her eyelashes. For a moment she didn’t know where she was or how she got there. She looked passed her mom and recognized her room, but she was still feeling confused. 

“Do you feel cold, Vanya?” she asked taking her hand in her own. 

She considered her question carefully. Like, she really needed to think about it. But now that she mentioned it, her hands and feet did feel a bit numb. Especially now that her skin was against someone else’s, and it made the chill much more obvious. 

She tried sitting up and was immediately met with the room spinning. She pressed her hand against her head, trying not to fall back into her pillow. 

“It’s okay. Take your time.” Grace’s hands were now on her shoulders, helping to hold her up. 

“Thanks.” She whispered. Her voice sounded like it was underwater. When the room finally slowed down, she peeked out at her room again. It was very full of light. 

“What time is it?” 

She smiled brightly, “Why, it’s about lunch time.” 

It might have struck her as odd, but she didn’t really feel alarmed. She just asked, “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?” 

Grace gently pulled her legs until they were hanging off the edge of the bed. Again, she didn’t realize how cold she was until she had something else to compare it to. She was still in her uniform so her legs were bare under her skirt. 

“Well, we had quite a time waking you up! You didn’t come down for breakfast and that was my cue to come find you!” Her smile was so happy, not concerned at all. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal. She couldn’t really think of a reason to worry. 

Once her legs were off the bed, Mother was helping her to stand, keeping a steady hand under her arms. She was glad because she wasn’t sure if the dizziness or lack of feeling in her legs were affecting her balance, but she was almost positive she wouldn’t be able to stand on her own. 

“Vanya, do you know what happened to your window?” She asked, not a hint of anger in her voice.

She looked at her window and found herself staring. The blinds had been pulled up and the glass looked like a spider crawled in between the surfaces and spun a web. Wind squeezed through, cooling the area around it. Cracks stretched from the middle of the window out to the edges. It might have been pretty if she knew it wasn’t supposed to look like that. 

“I don’t know…” She breathed, still mesmerized by the design. 

“No worries, dear. Let’s get you down to the infirmary and make sure everything is working the way it should in a growing girl’s body.” 

They made their way down the hallway. It was quiet. Everyone else must have been doing their lessons. They passed door after door. Then, Five’s door. She stopped, having the strangest feeling. But not. She was just confused. She felt like she should be somewhere. 

“What’s wrong, Vanya?” Grace asked, pausing beside her. 

She stared at Five’s slightly cracked door. She wanted to go in, but wasn’t sure if she should. 

“Vanya?” she asked again.

She blinked and shook her head. “Nothing.” 

She sat on the crinkly examination bed and Grace moved around her doing various tests while also talking casually. She felt relaxed and not really pressured to respond to Mother’s random comments. 

When she finished, she stood with her hands on her hips. “Well, my dear. It seems everything is normal except for your blood pressure.” She pressed her fingers against the inside of her wrist. Her touch felt familiar but less meaningful. “It’s a little low, so I want you to take it easy and rest when you need it.” 

She nodded and smiled. It felt wrong on her face. 

“Do you feel up to studying some? I’ll bring you…” she trailed off, glancing at the clock on the wall, and beamed, “... brunch!” 

“Sure.” she replied. Her head was still swimming and she had this creeping suspicion since she woke up that she forgot something. Maybe moving around would help her remember. 

She ate brunch in her playing room. Grace suggested she start with her violin lessons to literally warm her up and get her brain loosened up for algebra later. 

When she lifted the violin, it felt very heavy. And when she played her warm up chords, they sounded muffled and off key. 

“I don't understand.” She muttered to herself. 

“Maybe you need to work on your arpeggios again?” Someone said from behind her. She turned to see Five. 

“I'm sorry if I scared you.” He apologized. “I forgot to knock again.” His eyebrows were scrunched together. 

“You didn't scare me.” She replied. His clothes looked fresh and crisp. But the rest of him sagged a little.  _ Now she remembered.  _

“How are you feeling?” 

He looked up at her, raising his eyebrows. “I'm okay.”

“That's good.” She said, turning to search for her book of scales. She couldn't understand why her violin sounded so weird. 

Five was suddenly standing beside her, having most likely teleported. He was studying her face. “How about you?” 

“I'm fine.” She said automatically, not really feeling the need to tell him about her examination with Grace. 

“Are you sure?” he probed, eyebrows drawing together. 

“I think so.” She confirmed. He was still staring at her like he was waiting for something. 

Oh. He started training yesterday. “When do you train with dad again?” 

He looked taken aback. Maybe she shouldn't have asked. But, she didn't know what else to talk about. 

“I don't know. Whenever he decides to  _ summon _ me again.” He waved his hand dismissively. 

“Oh.” Was all she could think of saying. Why was it so hard to talk to him right now? 

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Is something bothering you?” 

It was another question she had to think hard about. Like it was too complicated a concept for her to understand. “I don't think so.” She finally said. 

Her answer didn't seem to satisfy him. His lips pressed together, his dimples appearing. “You know you can tell me, right?” 

He visibly swallowed, and she felt his hand on hers. She looked down at his hand. It was big and it covered all of her fingers. She thought there were words that she wanted to say, but she didn't know what they were. The gentle way he touched her hand made her confused. Her thoughts were all jumbled. 

“Vanya?” he asked again, pulling her out of the mess in her head. 

She stared at him, unsure of what he wanted her to say. What she wanted to say. 

“I don't know.” She said. 

He looked upset. And as perplexed as she was. He opened his mouth to reply when the door creaked. He gave her one more worried look before disappearing in a fracture of blue. 

~*~*~

After her encounter with Five, Mother had returned to check in on her and give her an assignment to work on. It was only a review of content she had already learned and mastered, but she struggled through it nonetheless. Soon, Grace must have taken pity on her and assigned math drills instead. Again, more content she had already learned but had a hard time reaching in the back of her mind. None of the numbers came together to make any sense to her. 

She was only working for a few hours, but all the time, she was trying to grasp at things that were too far away. It was very tiring. And Grace seemed to sense it.

“Let’s take a break for the rest of the day. We don’t want you getting sick.” She smiled at her, and swiftly cleaned all the papers and textbooks away. “Why don’t you go lay down until supper?”

She nodded, thanked her for the lessons, and left the room. As she walked she seemed very far away from her room and it was taking her too long to get there. She was so tired, she almost didn’t realize Allison in front of her. 

“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You were right about Five. I saw him this morning and he really isn’t doing well. I thought he was going to be sick at breakfast.” She was talking so fast it was hard for her to keep up. “By the way, where were you this morning? I was really worried.” 

The world was spinning again and she was trying to concentrate on her voice but all she could hear was a strange static. “I - I don’t know.” she said, unsure if that’s what she wanted to hear. What was she even talking about? 

“Vanya?” Allison asked, ducking to look at her better. Like last night. She remembered.

“It’s okay, Allison.” She tried smiling again, knowing it was the right thing to do but not understanding why. “Five’s okay. We’ll help him.” 

She brushed past her, wanting so badly to sleep and make the Academy hold still. She thought their conversation was over, but Allison called after her. She sounded mad, “You don’t have to be a jerk, Vanya. I was just trying to apologize.” 

She turned and blinked a few times, trying to make out why she said that. Before she could even begin to think of a reply, Allison turned and stalked away. Did she have tears in her eyes? 

Everything blurred together as she walked to her room. If she thought about it hard enough, she could remember seeing Diego and Ben on the way. Did they try talking to her? She didn’t know. She just knew she needed to go to bed. 

She came into her room, shut the door, and walked to her bed and carefully laid down on it. The blankets seemed cold against her skin. The window was blocked with cardboard now. She had a thought to go under the blankets to stay warm, but she fell asleep before she could.

~*~*~

For the second time that day, she woke up to Grace’s sweet smile. 

“Here, dear. I brought you some food.” She helped to sit her up and placed a tray with a plate on her lap. The steam from the vegetables and sliced beef wafted around her nose. Her nose was cold. 

“Eat up! I’ll be back in a little bit.” She left the room, shutting the door behind her. 

She stabbed a piece of beef Grace must have already cut apart and put it in her mouth. It was salty with the gravy. She didn’t really like the taste, but Grace said she should eat, so she ate a few more bites. She pushed around the rest so it looked like she had eaten more. 

Grace returned with some clothes folded over her arm and proceeded to put them in drawers while humming. She always liked it when Mother sang. It was always the same song so it made her think of when she was younger. 

But the song she sang now was different. Less cheerful and more despondent. It didn’t make her think of her childhood, but when she was talking to Five and Allison earlier. Their expressions were floating around in her head like they were trying to tell her something. She couldn’t understand why they looked the way they did. Maybe she interrupted them before they were done talking to her. Or she didn’t say what they wanted her to say. She just didn’t know. 

When Grace finished her task, she placed the food off to the side and offered to help change her into pajamas. She was surprised to find the darkness of night through her top window and that she was tired again. 

“That’s alright. I’ll change myself.” she told Mother, moving to get out of bed. Thankfully, her dizziness had subsided and she could stand without the threat of falling over. 

Grace gave her a quick peck on the forehead and as she was leaving, she said, “Don’t forget to take your medicine, dear. I left a cup of water on your dresser.” She smiled again, “Good night, Vanya.”

The door shut and she was alone. She changed into pajamas and stood at her dresser, looking at the orange prescription bottle. She could barely see through the plastic enough at the little pile of white pills. The lid came off easily and two little ovals slid into her hand. She took two last night, so that must be how many she needs to take now. 

As she put them in her mouth, they sat on her tongue triggering a slight pinch of uncertainty. They were already in her mouth though, so she swallowed and headed back to her bed. 

Her eyes gratefully closed, her exhaustion tugging at the edge of her mind already. Before she fell into the darkness of sleep she noticed she forgot to cover up again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?? This chapter was actually really fun to write. It was hard to make sure everything flowed and made sense, but it was still interesting to write. I have some first hand experience with taking medicine for anxiety and doses being too high. It is honestly a very disorienting experience so I hope I did this justice! As always... I love comments!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	14. Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shorter chapter! I wanted to stick with my weekly posting schedule and this is meant to be a bit of a transition chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! :)

Vanya didn’t come to breakfast, lunch, or supper. The others tried to convince him that it wasn’t unusual, especially during the last week. But he couldn’t be convinced. He had finally been approved to come to the dinner table for meals with the rest of his family but was unsettled to find Vanya missing. The fact that he also woke up alone that morning contributed to his worry. Allison seemed to be on the same level of concern as him. At least in the morning. Though that night during supper, she didn’t even bat an eye at her empty chair or approach him to express her worry like before. He could tell she was mad about something by the way she was pouting and Luther was watching her pitifully. He didn’t really care what she was angry about. He couldn’t stop thinking about Vanya.

“ _ I don’t know.”  _ Was what she replied when he offered his trust to her. Something wasn’t right. It was almost confusion he saw in her eyes. Almost. He didn’t think he saw anything, actually. It made him uneasy.  

When he finished supper and was dismissed, he bolted up the stairs, ignoring the call of his name from one of his brothers. He didn’t have time for them. He needed to check on Vanya. Make sure… she wasn’t mad at him? He didn’t know what he needed to figure out, but he knew he couldn’t ignore it. 

He reached her door with a short spatial jump and found it closed and quiet. The lights were out.  _ Was she in there?  _ He tapped his foot nervously, looking around for some sort of answer. 

“Oh, hello, Number Five.” Mother walked up behind him holding a tray of food. She looked at him with a wide, warm smile. 

“Uh, hi.” He responded, eyeing the food suspiciously. “Who’s the food for?” 

She looked down at the steaming plate almost confused, but then smiled again. “It’s for Vanya.” 

“Why didn’t she eat with us?” He asked nonchalantly, tapping into the interrogation techniques he studied at the direction of his father. 

“She isn’t feeling well. She’s been resting.” She smiled again. 

“Is she sick?” 

“No. Just needing rest.” The same smile.

“Can I see her?” He questioned, realizing he wouldn’t get any helpful information out of a robot. 

She cocked her head a little and touched his cheek gently. “You are so kind, Five. Vanya needs her rest though. She will be able to spend time with you when she feels better.” Her fingers were warm but he didn’t find as much comfort from them as he could. He knew she wasn’t  _ really  _ alive. “Now excuse me, dear.” 

She brushed past him, opening the door and entering the room. He tried to see around her, standing on his tiptoes. But it was dark, and she didn’t turn the light on until the door was shut. 

“Damn it.” He muttered. 

~*~*~

He returned to his room after that, closing the door to keep his other siblings out. He was beginning to speculate that Vanya’s behavior was caused by one or more of their siblings. It wouldn’t be the first time they said something hurtful and she retreated to her room to cry. He didn’t think the others could see the deep suffering she experienced when they were assholes to her. Did they not think she had feelings? That she loved them and wanted nothing more than to be accepted by them? 

She had never really talked to him about it or came to him when it happened, but he would be an idiot if he didn’t see the way her eyes would become dark and dull when they past by her without a second look. Now to his regret, he realized that he never really pursued her when he witnessed it. He was too caught up in his own affairs. Which was really shitty of him. 

He didn’t want to be the self-centered dick he knew he was before he left for the future. His brothers and Allison always threw snark comments at him for it, but never Vanya. She accepted him for who he was, even if he was a clueless narcissist. He wanted to be different. At least for Vanya. He really thought she deserved better than him, but she needed someone now and he didn’t think there was anyone else aware of whatever was happening with her. 

So, instead of going to bed later that night, he jumped to her room like he did the night after Father caught them having a meeting and every night after. As soon as he appeared in her room he was met with a bite of cold. His thin pajamas didn’t do much against it and he felt goose pimples rise all over. 

_ “What the hell?”  _ he thought looking around the dark room and settling on the window. His eyes hadn’t adjusted to the darkness of the room yet, and it took longer with the moonlight being blocked from entering the window. He squinted, reaching out. His fingers tapped against what felt like paper, the chill seeping through to his fingertips. As he moved closer, scrutinizing the strange cover, he realized it was cardboard. He was confused. Did something happen to her window?

He wasn’t given a chance to investigate further because he spotted Vanya lying on top of her blankets, completely exposed to the cold. He crept to her bed looking down at her, puzzled by her decision. He touched the hand laying beside her and almost drew back.  _ So cold.  _

“Jesus.” he whispered, moving to sit next to her. She was on her back, face tilted toward the wall. Doesn’t she feel cold? Why wouldn’t she cover up? Then a thought struck him that made his hand twitch around her frozen one and a nervous sweat break out on his forehead. 

He tightened his grip on her hand and moved closer straining all of his senses. It was too dark to see any other movements, especially the rise and fall of her chest. So he listened as hard as he could, turning his ear to her face and leaning until he was barely a few inches from her. His breathing was too hard though and he couldn’t tell if he was hearing her or himself, and his blood was pumping too loudly in his ears. He thought he could smell rotting flesh and feel the harsh dryness of ash and he couldn’t control his panic. 

“Vanya?” He said a little too loudly, reaching up to tip her face toward him, past the point of not wanting to wake her. “Please, Vanya,” he pleaded, watching as she continued to be unresponsive. He swallowed painfully, pushing away tears that he probably knew were too premature but all he could picture was her face sinking in until she didn’t look like her anymore. Just like the others. 

“Damn it, Vanya! Wake up!” He ground out, suppressing the yell he wanted so badly to burst out of him, if only to scare her out of death. 

“Hmm?” she hummed, moving her head slightly. 

He let out a shaky breath, bowing his head and trying hard to keep his trembling at a minimum. “Why didn’t you cover up? It’s fucking freezing in here.” Was all he could think of saying, not wanting to be angry with her. 

“Mmm,” she mumbled again. Even though he had at some point lifted her torso and the side of her head was securely in his hand, her hair tangled in his fingers, she didn’t seem to have noticed. Like she was still asleep.

Again, he was struggling to keep his previous worry from turning into irritation, but he was feeling dissatisfied with her response. “Vanya.” He said impatiently. 

She took a breath as if attempting to rouse herself but then followed with a sigh, “I forgot.” 

He could only stare at her, his eyes finally adjusting to her vacant expression. Her reply stirred a different kind of fear in him. She had fallen back to sleep in his arms, her thin body barely a strain for him to hold up. 

He swallowed again, his previous annoyance replaced with a sense of confused dread. His voice was softer, “Vanya,” he shook her gently, pulling her from sleep again, “I need you to help me get you under the blankets.” 

It was like it took her a whole minute to process his words, but eventually she nodded, making to move. He guided her off the bed, keeping his arm around her feeling her chilled skin through the fabric. To his chagrin, she leaned her head into the crook of his neck and clung to him. With their recent habits of sharing a bed, this shouldn’t be making him so uneasy. He pushed the feeling down into the depths of his stomach, and focused on the task at hand. 

He pulled her blankets back, careful not to move her around too much, and helped her to sit back down. He held her hands as she slowly inclined back until she was safely on the pillow. 

She turned her head away for a moment before returning to his direction and asked sleepily, “Are you staying here tonight?” 

For some reason, the way she worded it was hurtful to him. But he ignored the impression it made and replied, “Yes, I’m staying.” He almost felt stubborn saying it, knowing she needed him and she wasn’t acknowledging it on purpose. Though, he didn’t think she understood enough to know what she needed.

He crawled into the bed after her, adjusting the second pillow for himself and pulling the blankets up over them. His feet were grateful for the protection from the unreasonable temperature outside the bed. He moved so they were close enough that their knees touched and he could reach his arm over her. His nervousness caused an overwhelming feeling of protectiveness, and Vanya’s lack of awareness made it easier for him to show more affection. 

She didn’t stir as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm, hoping to bring more life into her again. Was she sick? Is that what Mother said? What would make her so indifferent to being cold? When he was ill, the first thing he wanted was to cover up under a warm blanket. Why wouldn’t she? 

And then he remembered what she said: “ _ I forgot.”  _ That baffled him more than anything and unsettled him to the point of shivering. How could she  _ forget  _ to cover up when it was this cold in her room? He moved closer to her, now holding her limp, frigid hands in his own. Something was wrong. More wrong than he originally thought. 

He searched her empty face for some trace of the old Vanya, and found absolutely nothing. He rubbed his thumbs across the top of her hands anxiously and vowed to bring the warmth back to them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you all enough for all the kudos (just hit 900!!) and comments and love you all give me. It honestly gives me so much motivation to continue and also makes me feel really good :) You're all so sweet. <3
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter! What do you think our dear Five will do? What about the others? Will they notice? I love getting comments from you all, doesn't matter how short or long :) Thanks for reading!


	15. Let's talk about Vanya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a doozy, guys. More comments at the end... I hope you enjoy it!

For the next few weeks, Five juggled fruitless training with his father, his aimless future predictions, and checking in on Vanya. He was feeling very drained and at a loss with everything by the end. 

He wasn’t making any progress with his power and his dad was being as manipulative as ever, reminding him that Five was the one that found out about the future, so he was responsible for saving it. That pressure drove him to theorizing and creating timelines that didn’t really mean anything because the only thing he had to go off of was a glass eye, the moon being gone from existence, Vanya and Ben’s absence, and the world being completely ruined. There weren’t any connections between the information and he was only driving himself mad trying. He almost wanted to return, just so he could investigate more. Though, that would mean encountering the death of everything he loved again, and the possibility of never escaping it. And with the way his powers were refusing to develop, he would most certainly be stuck there. 

All of the stress from that particular shit storm was stirring with the mystery of Vanya, and he was quickly becoming frayed at the edges. He visited during her violin practice and would only be able to stay for a short amount of time. She would never play something all the way through, complaining about the pitch being wrong, and barely recognized he was there. Eventually, the disregard she displayed towards him bore a hole deep enough in his heart to make him leave. Even though it hurt, he still returned at night to warm her and worry over her. Over the weeks, he realized it wasn't that she was sick. It was something else. 

If he could just solve one of the problems floating around in his brain, maybe he could at least sleep easier. But, he knew that wouldn’t be reachable until Vanya stopped acting like a lost ghost. At least when she was acting normal, her presence was enough to calm the other troubles gnawing at his sanity. Now that he couldn’t rely on her, he was an agitated mess. 

His siblings seemed to sense his stress, but steered clear. It made him relieved but also annoyed at their lack of support, even if he wouldn’t really welcome it. The most recent training with his father probably didn’t help their distant concern either. He was told, as well as them, that he would not be attending any missions. The points his father made didn’t help his irritation, as he righteously explained that Five should only be focusing on the mission to stop the apocalypse, and his brothers and sister needed to adjust to the omission of him from the team. You know, in case he would never return from the future. As much as he hated it, his pragmatist side had to admit again, that his father made a valid argument. Even if that conversation melted into another lapse in his mental stability. 

He remembered frantically looking for Vanya, or anyone who could calm the rising panic. He had finally found her, but only received vague confusion and a halfhearted, “It will be okay.” He almost yelled at her to stop whatever it was she was doing, but he knew deep down she didn’t know what was happening. She was empty of anything and everything that was Vanya. 

After that encounter, he felt completely hopeless. He had been fighting it since his father told him he would be going back to the apocalypse. It was the same sense of despair that somehow got him back to the present. He fought with everything he had to avert it, but he couldn’t do it alone. If his other siblings wouldn’t help him, he needed Vanya. Which meant he needed to fix her. Unfortunately for him, the only people he relied on enough to discuss her behavior with were his moron siblings.  

~*~*~

He was sitting at his desk working on an equation as Diego and Ben came in, discussing something they read in a comic book in hushed voices. He would have joined in their conversation if he wasn’t so high strung about the fate of the world and Vanya. He didn’t turn around, knowing they would entertain each other until the others showed up. 

Soon after, Luther and Allison came in. He had turned around at that point, wanting to start the conversation. His impatience caused him to stand and pace around his room. He wanted to wait on Klaus, but the others’ eyes were heavy on him. He didn’t tell them why he wanted to meet and they probably assumed it had something to do with the apocalypse. 

“What’s going on?” It was Luther. Of course he would want to know if there was new information involving their mission. Though, according to their father, it was only Five’s mission now. 

“I want to talk about Vanya.” He said, watching as their previous expressions of eagerness melted. It immediately pissed him off how disinterested they all suddenly became. Even Ben broke eye contact and slumped a little.

Diego sighed loudly, “I thought we were going to talk about the apocalypse.” 

His jaw clenched with irritation. They had no idea. 

He growled, “Why are you all so  _ stupid? _   There is something  _ wrong  _ with her and you’re all too much of a collective asshole to notice it!” 

That brought some emotion back into them. Either annoyance or slight hurt cloaked their eyes, but they stared at him with mostly confusion. Except, Allison. 

He turned to her, unable to stand Diego’s stupid look anymore, “Do you know anything? Anything that happened?” 

A stubborn twist of her lips formed and he was beginning to regret asking them for help. “No.” She said, looking away and crossing her arms.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake -,” he blurted, running his hand over his face, “What is wrong with you? Something isn’t right with her, and you’re going to pull this shit -,”

“Why do you think there’s something wrong with Vanya?” Ben asked, interrupting his outburst. Ben snapped out of his previous disengagement and leaned forward, concern in his eyes. Even Diego looked a little more invested.

He took a frustrated breath, “Because she isn’t acting right. She doesn’t understand what I’m talking about a lot of the time and she’s confused by everything.” He glared at Allison, “And she could be in real trouble if some people don’t share what happened.”

Allison scowled right back at him, “Maybe she’s mad and she doesn’t want to talk to us anymore.” 

He squinted at her trying to get more out of her vague words. “And why would she not want to talk to us anymore?” 

She shrugged looking away. He was having a really hard time not punching something. His siblings were so infuriating. 

Luther shifted a little beside her, alerting him of his most honest brother. He grinned, turning to him, “Do you know what happened, Number One?” 

He opened his mouth, caught a threatening stare from Allison, and then clamped it shut. 

“God damn it, Allison! What did you do?!” He shouted, tensing his jaw so hard, he thought he cracked his molars. 

He felt everyone in the room flinch away. He was noticing he had been keeping in a lot of anger towards them. He didn’t really know if it was their detachment to his recent emotional vulnerability, or the obvious preference they had for their apocalypse mission over Vanya’s well being. Either way, yelling at them seemed to relieve some of the hostility he held against them. 

He watched as Allison’s chin trembled and tears came to her eyes. Luther noticed, putting an arm around her and giving him a stern look. Then it occurred to him with utter sickness why she was being so unwilling to say what she did. 

“Did you _ rumor her _ ?” 

Tears rolled down her cheeks and disbelief seeped into her words, “I would never do that!”

“Then, what did you  _ do _ ?” He growled, losing his patience with her games. 

Luther stepped nearly in front of her, his protective demeanor looming over Five like a watch tower. “She said some things she shouldn't have,” he replied for her, “and she apologized to Vanya.”

So what? Why was it such a big deal? 

“Then why are you still so upset? I’m sure you were the one who started it.” He spoke harshly, still incredibly annoyed by her immature behavior.

“For your information, she was the one who started it.” She snapped staring him in the face. She brushed past Luther to stand in front of Five and it made the inch she had on him that much more apparent. “She accused us of not helping you more, so I -” She choked on her words, looking away from him, “I said something that made her really upset. But when I tried to apologize she yelled at me to leave.” 

He looked at her in confusion. She looked scared, which was odd, especially if it stemmed from something Vanya did. She was the least scary person he ever met. And for Vanya to be upset at anyone was a rarity. Though, he had seen more responsive behavior from her since he returned, sometimes even expressing annoyance toward him.

She sniffed and continued, “When I saw her the next day, I tried to apologize again but she was really rude.” The look of disbelief everyone was already showing toward Allison’s story about Vanya, deepened at the idea of her being rude. 

She uncrossed her arms and said exasperated, “Really! I wouldn’t have expected her to be so mean to me either, but she was! She didn’t even act sorry. And she hasn’t talked to me since then.” 

“You’re talking about the same Vanya we live with right? The one who cries when we step on ants?” It was Diego finally. Five had nearly forgotten he was in the room.

“Yes. I’ve never seen her act like that. And for her to not say anything since then either?” Allison scoffed, popping her hip out in disapproval.

It didn’t make any sense to Five. Yes, Allison probably upset Vanya, but it still didn’t explain the complete emptiness in her. If anything, that should have filled her with more emotion, not deplete it to nothing. 

“It still isn’t right.” He muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“She’s just mad, Five. Let her -” Allison started.

He cut her off shaking his head, “You don’t understand. There’s got to be more.”

“What do you mean?” asked Ben, leaning forward even more. 

He took his hands out of his pockets and strode absentmindedly to his window and back, before replying, “I went and checked on her when she first started acting weird, and her window was broken in her bedroom,” Allison squirmed a little but he ignored it. “It was freezing in her room. Like, way too cold for her to be in there.” 

He looked around at them and caught Ben’s eyes as he finished, “She was sleeping, but without a blanket. And when I asked her why she wasn’t covered up, she said she forgot.” 

“She forgot?” Luther echoed, squinting at him. 

“Yeah. That’s the kind of shit I’m talking about. She is forgetting basic human needs, and it isn’t normal.” 

Just then, Klaus swung the door open and stood frozen, staring at them. He looked like he rushed there, his wild curls wind swept. Five didn’t even want to acknowledge his entrance, but something about the seriousness in his eyes had everyone’s attention. He lightly shut the door before turning back to them and asking in a hushed voice, “Can we talk about Vanya?”

Five raised an eyebrow at Klaus in confusion. Klaus didn't wait for anyone to reply and instead blurted quickly, “Vanya has been taking too much of her medicine.”

His siblings looked around at each other. Her medicine? He hadn't even thought about her medicine. It was a piece of her they all knew about but never actually understood. They knew she had anxiety issues and that was probably why she took them, but she had been taking those little pills for so much of her life they never would have suspected it. 

“How do you know?” It was Ben again. But he sounded more critical than normal. 

Klaus looked down at the floor sheepishly. He mumbled something purposely inaudible so they couldn't understand. 

He watched as Ben rolled his eyes and said, “You've been stealing them, haven't you?”

It didn't come to them all as a big surprise but again, Klaus’s drug abuse habits were something they all knew about but never acknowledged. Five was beginning to think they were more dysfunctional than he originally thought. 

Klaus made an exaggerated sigh, slumping dramatically. “I only take them after my training day.” He hugged himself, rocking back on his heels with a pouty look on his face, “You know I wouldn’t take them if I didn’t need them.” 

“Jesus, Klaus.” Diego ground out, matching everyone’s somber expressions. 

Five was having conflicting feelings on just about everything that was brought to light in only a few seconds. Klaus’s confession was disturbing but he knew how much of a struggle his power was. He didn’t understand his brother’s decision to turn to abusing substances in order to manage it, but Five witnessed enough of his horrific episodes to know he needed something to help. Obviously, their father wasn’t doing anything, so he Klaus was left to his own devices. 

But Vanya… “Why would she do that?” He asked, with a mix of sadness and revulsion. 

“That shit she takes is some heavy duty depressant. I can take one and be a-o-k,” he made a gesture with his hand briefly and clicked his tongue. “Though, taking double her dose, which is already on the strong side, isn’t good for her.” He chewed on his nails in distress.

“Hasn’t she been taking it since she was really young? Why would she use it wrong now?” Luther asked, sincere concern masking his voice. Five expected Luther of all people to be more judgemental, but after all of this information, maybe he didn’t know his siblings as well as he thought. 

“She isn’t using it wrong, d-dummy. Sh-she’s doing it on p-p-purpose.” Diego huffed, his jaw tense. 

“If it numbs your senses, that would explain what you said earlier, Five.” Ben said, looking up at him from the bed.

“But  _ why? _ I don’t get it.” A headache was beginning to spread from behind his eyes, so he pinched the bridge of his nose. The hopelessness that crept up on him during these last few weeks was becoming stronger. He thought the trust between him and Vanya was solid and mutually understood. If she was doing something as drastic as this, he was very wrong.

Klaus cleared his throat and looked at each of them intensely, “She must be feeling things she doesn’t like pretty strongly for her to turn to using her medicine like that.” 

Everyone in the room tried not to be apparent in their glances toward Allison, but she caught on to their implications and sighed. “I did make her really upset, but she was angry before I even got there that night.”

Klaus looked at Ben for more clarity, but he was ignored and Ben asked, “What night was it?”

“I think it was the night after your first training since you got back, Five.” 

Five’s stomach felt like he swallowed a chunk of lead. “Did she say why she was upset?”

Allison hugged herself before replying, “She was mad we weren’t helping you more with the apocalypse stuff.” She looked at him guiltily. He knew she had mentioned it earlier, but there were more important topics at the time. Now, he watched as the realization of their negligence molded their faces into sad likenesses of themselves. He should have found gratification in the shame that was brought forth by Vanya’s resentment towards them, but he was too busy being consumed by his own guilt.

He sat at his desk, the chair creaking beneath him. “What are we going to do about the meds?” He didn’t want to share his thoughts, knowing the subject would stray away from Vanya like it always did. She needed them to stay focused on her for once.

“We need to tell Dad.” Luther declared, a lingering of sadness in his voice.

Diego snorted, “You’re insane. He’s going to make her life miserable.” 

“We can’t just take the medicine away ourselves. Maybe she needs Dad to monitor how much she’s taking.” 

“Or, he will monitor how shitty he can make her feel for the rest of her life.”

The first two ranked members of the Academy were glaring at each other, a challenge in their eyes. 

“Dad will find out whether we tell him or not. He knows how much she takes, and he’s not going to buy her excuse for dropping half the bottle on the floor somewhere.” Klaus interrupted, making a logical point. Five might have felt more respect for his comment if he wasn’t currently rolled up in a ball, lacing his fingers through his toes. 

“So, do we wait until he notices?” Allison asked with uncertainty.

Klaus perked up, looking almost panicked, “No. We need to tell him right now.” 

“Right now?” Diego asked doubtfully. 

Klaus looked around at them all again, his attentiveness catching their attention, “I don’t think you understand. Her normal dose is too much. Dad is  _ already  _ overdosing her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I rewrote this chapter 3 times. I couldn't figure out the direction I wanted to go with it or how much I wanted to give away or how much of a jerk I wanted Allison to be (lol). Let me know what you think. I feel like I'll be flying by the seat of my pants after this chapter because it kind of went down a different path than I was planning. Maybe I'll regret it, maybe not. Hahahaha ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading. Your comments give me strength to keep going! <3


	16. Helping each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end... I hope you enjoy it!

She had been fighting a strange nagging in the back of her mind for a couple of weeks now. Like a fluttering bird that never got tired, bumping into the bars of a cage more urgently when she was around her siblings or she was about to take her medicine. The confusion it caused created a sense of disorientation to everything she encountered during the day; Completing her lessons, talking to people, and even eating. 

Currently, the feeling was inconsolable, rattling and fighting with whatever was blocking it. She was standing in her father’s office, watching as he finished writing in his notebook before looking up with his lips pressed together. 

“Number Seven, do you know why you are here?” 

She shook her head.

His eyes narrowed as if he didn’t believe her. “Your sister said she saw you take too much of your medication.” He paused like he was waiting for her to do something. When she only stood there, he continued, “Is that true?”

Too much of her medicine? She had been taking the same amount for weeks, maybe her whole life. 

She searched his face, looking for some clarification to her confusion but found only sternness. She thought it would only make sense to tell the truth. “I don’t know.” She said.

His eyebrows drew together hard enough she thought they connected into one big, bushy eyebrow. “What do you mean you don’t know? Tell me the truth, Number Seven. Have you been taking too much of your medication?” 

Again, she studied him for some guidance on how to reply. She didn’t understand why he was questioning an act she had been doing for nearly her whole life. On his orders, nonetheless. 

“I don’t know.” She repeated.

He sighed in frustration, snapping his red notebook shut. “How many tablets have you been taking, Number Seven?” 

“Two.” 

“For how long?”

She was unsure how he wanted her to answer. “For as long as I have been taking medicine, I think.” 

It seemed to irritate him. “I don’t want anymore childish behavior, Number Seven. I would expect it from your siblings, but not you.” He stood from his chair, nose flared. “Now, you tell me the truth. How long have you been taking two tablets of your medication?”

He didn’t believe what she was saying was true. She didn’t know what he wanted her to say, but she could tell he wasn’t keen on waiting for her to think of something by the drumming of his fingers on the surface of is desk. 

She shook her head in confusion, “I-I don’t know.”

He slammed his hand on his desk with a loud bang. She met his intense gaze with her own eyes, unsure of what else to do. “Number Seven, you will not be permitted to speak with Number Five or any of your siblings for a very long time if you do not answer my question sincerely.” His mustache twitched with the force of the words leaving his mouth. 

He was obviously very angry with her. She didn’t want to stop talking to any of her siblings but she also didn’t know how to express that to her father. His stare was heavy and pressuring so she said what she thought he wanted. 

“Okay.” 

She watched his jaw distinctly tighten, but his eyes melted into something else. He straightened his posture, settling his hands behind his back. He would have matched the self portrait of him hanging right behind him, if his expression wasn’t so perplexed. 

“You are clearly not thinking right, Number Seven.” She almost wanted to verbally confirm that he was correct. She knew something was wrong, she just didn’t know what it was. “Grace will be administering your medication from now on. You will receive one tablet before bed each night. If you are finding it to be -,” he paused, processing his next word carefully, “unsatisfactory, you will come to me.” He met her eyes, a strange darkness in them, and finished, “Is that understood?”

The change in her dosage made her uncertain, but she nodded silently. 

“Dismissed.” He commanded, softer than normal. Though, maybe the odd sensation in her ears made it seem quieter. 

~*~*~

That night, Grace followed through with what her father said. She was given one tablet and watched as it was swallowed. It didn’t seem right to her, not enough, but there wasn’t much of a choice given the situation. She fell asleep soon after, the exhaustion from the day overwhelming her like usual. 

She woke up early the next morning. Before she even opened her eyes she felt dizzy and sick. The more she came into consciousness, the worse it became. She opened her eyes groggily to see Five. He was asleep and she didn’t want to wake him, but there was bile rising and it would be much better to puke in her trash than on him. 

She threw the blankets back and scrambled over him, tumbling to the floor and crawling to her trash can. She vaguely heard Five grunt as she didn’t take care to keep her knees and elbows to herself in her urgency. As she heaved, a deep ache spread from the middle of her back down through her fingers and toes. It took everything in her to keep herself upright, the lightheadedness becoming too much with the effort of emptying her stomach. 

She really didn’t want to end up face first in her smelly vomit but she could feel herself losing consciousness. She thought she did, but found a firm pressure around her shoulders, keeping her from the floor or wherever she was destined to land. She  _ really  _ didn’t want to open her eyes but she did anyway, her curiosity too strong. The side of Five’s face took up most of her view. It was hard to focus but she thought she heard him talking.

“Five?” she asked, feeling the quick rise and fall of his chest against her cheek. 

He glanced down at her, not fully turning so she could see his expression. “It’s alright, Vanya. Mom is coming.” 

She nodded her head, closing her eyes. Keeping them open was too hard, even if she wanted to be sure Five was still there. She knew Mother would take care of her if she was sick, but she still felt scared. 

“Will you come with, Five?” The fear she just now realized urged a few tears out of her eyes, and she weakly clutched the fabric of his pajamas. 

“Yeah.” He whispered, pulling her closer to him. 

His closeness was nice, the pressure of his embrace seemed to hold in whatever was wrong with her. Soon, she fell back to sleep.

 

~*~*~

 

When she woke up again, she was shaking and ready to vomit. As she moved to find somewhere to do that, a hand guided her shoulder in the correct direction. It was Mother’s soft touch and the murmur of her voice reassuring her safety. It felt like the entire room was on fire, the flames forcing her muscles to separate from her bones. She cried through the dry heaving. 

After that, she fell asleep again. Then, for what felt like eternity, she repeated the same thing every time she woke up. When she was asleep, it was just darkness. An emptiness that made her not want to exist. She didn’t want to wake up and she didn’t want to sleep. 

When she finally woke up without the urge to reject everything in her body, total fatigue weighed down her limbs. It took all of her strength to even think about opening her eyes, and then pure willpower to make it happen. She was surprised she had enough energy left to let tears leak out of her eyes. 

Klaus was sitting beside the medical bed. His head was bowed over a notepad in his lap. The harsh sound of scribbling came from it, his arm moving sporadically.  

She opened her mouth with a dry smacking noise, wanting to speak, and caught Klaus's attention. His head snapped up still hunched over his lap. When he saw her awake, he beamed at her, holding his pad up proudly. 

Charcoal was smeared in squiggly lines that actually looked quite pretty. The alphabet was arranged in the middle of the page with numbers one through ten lined up below. The words, “yes” and “no,” were off to the sides and the words “hello” and “good-bye,” seemed more prominent at the bottom. She wanted to lift her head more to see but could only bring herself to let tears continue to spill down her cheeks. 

“It’s a ouija board! Like, a way for the dead to communicate with the living world.” He was waving the pad around mysteriously with his lips pursed comically. She would have laughed if she wasn’t so disoriented. 

He pointed at the words on the bottom, "I'm going to get these tattooed on my hands as soon as I leave the Academy." He held up his right hand, "Hello!" he exclaimed, waving it. And did the same with his left, "Good-bye!" He giggled, "Dad is going to hate it." 

She tried smiling and instead, the aches in her body and confusion saturating her thoughts, overcame her need to respond positively to her brother's enthusiasm, and she sobbed. 

Klaus's smile faded into concern as he set his drawing to the side. "Vanya? Should I get Mom? What's wrong?" 

"I -," she choked, shaking her head, "I don't know w-what’s happening." She took a short breath finding it very hard to do and asked, "Why am I h-here?" 

Klaus stared at her, his eyes wide and shiny. He seemed more alert than she's ever seen him and it calmed her some. 

He moved from the chair to the bed, shimmying some to get closer to her. Klaus had always been much more affectionate than any of the others, but it still surprised her when he gently took her hand. He was careful not to disrupt the IV in the top of her hand and squeezed her fingers. 

“You don’t remember anything?” He inquired softly. She had never seen him so intent on her before and it panicked her. Her siblings had never shown any worry toward her. 

She swallowed dryly, shaking her head.

He nodded solemnly, continuing, “You were taking too much of your medicine. Do you remember that?” 

For some, very unsettling reason, she did remember. She remembered the desperation before she did it, but didn’t know where that feeling came from. Her chest was tightening at the memory. 

She was breathing hard, trying to keep her crying at bay so she could talk to Klaus. “I-I-” She turned her head away to maybe find a better angle to breathe at, her efforts to calm down slowly slipping through her fingers. “W-Why did I do that?” She finally got out before hiccupping and letting more of her confused tears fall. 

Klaus moved even closer, adjusting his grip so he was holding both of her hands in his, the warmth from them helped soothe their trembling. He smiled sadly, almost grimacing, “You were feeling too much and you didn’t know what else to do.” The way he said it was so certain and unaccusing. He understood. She could see it in the depths of his brown, earnest eyes. 

She choked, failing to hold back another sob. She knew he was right. She remembered the anger and resentment tearing her from the inside, like a wild animal she had no control over. It was still there, but now it wasn’t feeding on her family’s rejection. It was becoming self-inflicted. She hated the thought of making them worry for her. 

“I-I’m sorry.” She cried, wanting him to understand through the weak grasp she transferred to his hand. Her eyes were squeezed shut, too ashamed of herself. They probably thought she was dumb for doing something so dramatic. 

“Vanya.” He said softly. The sadness in his voice urged her to peek at him. He was crying, too. He looked like she felt; guilty and heartbroken. “Why didn’t you talk to any of us?” 

She was holding her breath so she could hear him, his muted voice full of anguish. She hiccupped trying to take control of her breathing once his question processed in her slow mind. Her brothers and sister were supposed to be her family, but she didn’t know what that really meant. When Five returned, something woke up in her that made her want to protect him. And now looking at Klaus in a vulnerable state, she wanted to make him feel better because she didn’t want him to be hurt. Did they feel the same way about her?

“I didn’t know if -,” She stopped, taking a shaky breath unsure of how to finish.

“- if we cared?” He finished, looking through the loose curls in front of his wet eyes. 

Her heart felt like there were squeezing fingers around it. It was true. She wanted to believe her siblings cared and loved her, but was it only obligation? Would they care enough to help her when she needed it? 

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Vanya.” He grumbled, looking down at their hands and wiping at his eyes. 

“Please don’t feel bad, Klaus. It’s alright -” She started, feeling the fingers tighten around her sore heart. 

“Stop, Vanya. You shouldn’t feel that way. We’re your family and we should help you when you need it.” He watched more tears pour down her cheeks and he smiled bitterly, “We all need to work on helping each other.” 

She nodded, almost regretting it as the movement caused a spell of dizziness. She let go of one of his hands and pressed a palm to her forehead, willing herself not to puke. She felt Klaus shift beside her until he was gone from the bed. 

“Wait.” She whispered, holding his hand firmly. 

“You need to rest, Vanya.” He said, concerned.

“I-I know, but -” she replied, forcing her eyes open and feeling tears again, “I-I just -,” The words were so hard to get out, especially with the soreness in her throat. He was looking down at her, his eyebrows worrying at his bright eyes. She grunted with the effort of sitting up, every single muscle screaming in protest. 

“God, Vanya.” Klaus complained, reaching for her shoulder. As he leaned forward, she took his shoulders so she could pull herself up. But she didn’t let go, and gently gave him a hug. 

“Thanks, Klaus.” She whispered, afraid if she spoke louder, the pounding in her head would make her pass out, “Please tell me if I can help you. I’m not extraordinary, but I’ll try.” 

Klaus’s arms constricted more comfortably around her and she heard him sniff, “Thank you, but you don’t need to be extraordinary to help people.” 

She could only nod, feeling the tears in her heart sewing themselves up with his words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I struggled with this chapter a lot and I'm sorry if the writing isn't as good. I knew I wanted some Klaus/Vanya love at some point just because I love them. So I hope you enjoyed that :)
> 
> As for Vanya and recovering from her overdose, I didn't want to spend too long on it just because I wanted to use it for moving the plot along rather than focusing on the nitty gritty of it. I hope you guys don't mind! Also, I wrote an alternate version of this chapter as well but decided against it because it was getting a little too dark for where I want this all to go and it would have taken a lot longer to get where I want.
> 
> Let me know what you think! You know how much I love your comments! <3


	17. He needs you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More sibling bonding time... I hope you enjoy it!

For the next week, they all visited her or let her know they were thinking about her in one way or another. It was a very new experience for her. However, Five was nonexistent from the attention. At one point, she nearly had a panic attack thinking she was in recovery much longer than she thought and he had already left to return to the future, but she was reassured by Grace that he was continuing to train with their father. Unfortunately, it didn’t make her feel better. Sure, she was glad to know he wasn’t suffering in the apocalypse and he didn’t leave without saying anything to her, but the simple fact that he hadn’t visited, made her uneasy. 

Ever since he came back from his first experience jumping through time, she felt that they were connecting better than before he left and they were understanding of each other’s needs. But, his absence from her recovery made her worried. It didn’t help that every time she was awake, she would bluster through a range of emotions, usually expressing themselves in uncontrollable crying. She was still confused about a lot of things, and as the days went on, her memory was returning and it crushed any composure she may have been working to rebuild. 

At the moment, Ben was sitting beside her cot, reading a biography about Friedrich Kreisler. She loved that they had all been visiting her, because without Five, she didn’t think she could stand the loneliness she suffered before they wanted to all become more supportive. 

They all used her enjoyment of music and the violin to appeal to her. Ben read biographies about composers, Klaus drew strange pictures of instruments crossed with other instruments, and Diego wrote silly side notes on the pictures that made her laugh. Allison, on the other hand, would read her fashion magazines and ramble about her future as an actress. She really didn’t mind the change in topic even if she had zero interest. She just liked watching her sister’s eyes light up with the prospect of leaving the Umbrella Academy for a whole new life. 

Diego and Luther never visited, but they sent things with the others to let her know she was on their minds. Diego’s notes on Klaus’s drawings were all she got from him, but she found it to be the most endearing, considering her lack of relationship with him. Luther sent his portable cassette player with acoustic music by Linkin Park. Luther was one of the only people in the house who had a fascination in music like her. But the literal centuries between styles of music they each enjoyed, caused the possible bond to be too awkward to pursue. 

For instance, he sent the cassette with a small note in scratchy writing: “Linkin Park has some violin in it. I hope you like it.” It was almost laughable at how  _ little  _ violin there was, but she was touched by his conscious effort to find something in his beloved music collection she might like. And she was thankful he chose something that wasn’t consumed by whiny vocals or harsh electronic alterations. She decided after listening to the album a few times, the singer of Linkin Park had a very beautiful voice without all of the extra editing and maybe she could enjoy more acoustic versions of their music. 

All of these distractions from her family were very touching and alleviated some of the hard feelings she held towards them, but she couldn’t ignore the annoying tap on the inside of her ribs questioning their sincerity. She smiled and thanked them for their kindnesses, wanting to believe with her whole heart that they really cared. It was especially difficult to trust them, when the one person she expected to be the most reliable, was completely absent. 

“Ben?” She asked, during a lull in his reading as he transitioned into a new chapter. To be honest, she would have preferred a fiction novel over a dry biography about a composer she had only heard about because she played music from one of the artists who inspired him, Antonio Vivaldi. It regretfully felt like her lessons with Grace. Though, she could never tell Ben that.       

He looked up eagerly, as if expecting her to be having a medical emergency and he would need to run and find Mother, “Do you need something?” 

His reaction stirred a small sense of guilt for making them all worry for her again. “Um, I just had a question.”

He visibly sunk back into his chair, and smiled gratefully, “What is it?”

“I was just wondering if you knew how Five was doing?” She didn’t want to outright question why he hadn’t been visiting, wanting to find a reason for his blatant avoidance. It was a selfish notion, but she needed to relieve a little of the oppressive worry that he was angry with her.

His smile faded, and he visibly swallowed. “Uh, I think he’s doing alright.”

“What do you mean?” She followed up slowly, carefully.

He glanced at the tools sitting on the elevated metal table, avoiding her concerned eyes. “We haven’t really seen much of him.” 

She didn’t want to ask the same question twice, so she just questioned, “Ben?” 

When he finally met her eyes, they reflected her own. He shut the book and sighed. “He’s been avoiding everyone. He won’t talk to us and says he’s busy all the time.” His eyebrows drew together, a sense of understanding crossing his face, “I’m sorry he hasn’t come to visit.” 

The soreness in her throat spread up from the the anxiety in her chest, like gnarly roots. She was laying down on her side, facing Ben, so when the tears began for the millionth time that week, they dripped over the bridge of her nose and soaked the pillow next to her face. 

“He’s mad at me.” She choked, cursing the emotions that were so willing to ruin every conversation she tried to have with her siblings recently. 

Ben’s eyes were glassy as he moved to the bed, sitting where Klaus had, and took her hands to stop her tears like Five did. “Why would you think that?” 

“Because of what I did. I was so stupid.” She took a shuddering breath in, angry at herself. She didn’t deserve Ben’s unrelenting kindness. For someone who had the most violent power in the Academy, he was the most gentle. She never saw him hold a fleck of resentment toward anyone. Not even the father who ignored the clear signs of pain Ben suffered from wielding his monstrous power, and relentlessly subjecting him to its damaging effects. Her ordinary weaknesses certainly didn’t earn this brother’s generous love.

She gently let go of his warm hands and turned so her back was to him, not wanting to see his surely confused expression. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t want to selfishly take advantage of the comfort he would offer either. It wasn’t fair to him. 

He was motionless behind her. Always patient and understanding. Before she could ask him to leave, he said, “What you did wasn’t stupid.” 

She held her breath so she could hear him better. 

“Five was the only one that knew something was wrong when you were overdosing. But no one knew you were hurting so badly before that.” She heard his voice falter towards the end, taking a deep breath, “We made you feel that way. You were right. We should have been helping Five more, and we relied on you to take care of him because we were selfish and  _ stupid.”  _

The anger she heard in his voice was unlike him. When he said “we,” she could tell he was really meant “I.” She didn’t want him to believe that she overdosed herself because of them. It wasn’t true. 

She abruptly turned over, shaking her head fervently, doing her best to ignore the throbbing in her temples, and countered, “Ben, I wasn’t angry with you. Or anyone else.” She took a shaky breath, becoming irritated with the constant flow of tears from her eyes. “I was angry at  _ myself. _ ” 

He looked startled at her quick movements and even more so, with her words. 

“I-” The fight she had with Allison was vividly replaying, their conversation became a realization for her at the time; The real justification for the harsh emotions overcoming her. “I can’t save any of you.” 

His expression became deeper, more wrinkled and distressed. “Save us?”

Frustration from her crying pushed her to sit up. She was tired of crying and being  _ so useless.  _ Ben helped her, as much as she didn’t want it, but soon she was up and readjusting her grip on his hands anxiously.

She took a breath, preparing herself to admit it to herself again. But, not out of bitterness toward her siblings like she did with Allison. It was the most painful truth for her to accept about herself. “I can’t keep any of you safe if something happens. If it comes to fighting someone or something in the future -,” She swallowed hard, more tears dripping, “I can’t- I can’t protect you all.” She gasped into a suppressed sob on the last word, bowing her head. 

She watched as his hands released hers and he leaned forward to pull her into a hug. Ben was slightly smaller than her, his arms straining to reach all the way around her shoulders. He didn’t say anything for a few moments, allowing her to hide her face in his shoulder. The amount of human contact she received in the last month was more than she had since she was a young child, always reaching and hugging her brothers and sister affectionately, until they became too old for such close companionship. 

Finally, he whispered, “You don’t need powers to save us, Vanya.” She was about to object when he continued, “Five is living proof of that.” 

She sniffled, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, Five wouldn’t have recovered as soon, or at all, if he only had me and the others to rely on.” He snorted, as if laughing at a joke she wasn’t in on, “I don’t think he would’ve even returned from the future without you.”

She leaned away, surprised at his response. He was smiling at her, but there were still tears on his cheeks. 

“I know you would’ve done the same for any of us, too.” 

She pondered his words quietly. It was true, she would do anything for her siblings if it meant she was helping them. She just didn’t know if she was really making things better or not. 

“I think Five would have been okay without me. I just make things worse sometimes.” It didn’t register in her sluggish mind that she was speaking her insecurities out loud until she looked up at Ben. 

He looked amused. “Vanya, I don’t think you understand how incapable Five is without you.” 

She was thrown off by his flippant response, opening her mouth but not knowing what to say. 

“When you were -” he paused, thinking, “-out of it, he couldn’t focus on anything else until he had you figured out.” He gave her a funny look. “You know how he is.” She was still at a loss for words and he seemed to sense it. “He needs you to keep him grounded and in control. I don’t think anyone else can do that for him, except you. And I think he knows that.” He took a deep breath, giving her a serious look. “I think he blames himself for what happened… with a lot of stuff. That’s why he won’t talk to anyone now and he’s -.” He stared at her for a moment with troubled consideration, “-he’s not doing well.”

She swallowed hard, willing herself not to cry again. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but her own. If he was taking responsibility for what she did, that was one hundred times worse than him just being mad at her for it. A terrible knot formed in her gut. 

Again, Ben was perceptive to her anxious silence and patted her hands. “You need to get better so you can save him from his own ignorant self. He needs you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben totally ships Vanya and Five lol. I was actually debating on whether this conversation would happen with Ben or Allison, but decided Allison isn't perceptive enough to Vanya's feelings yet (still a little self involved...).   
> Tell me what you think! Your comments make me want to write more and more!! I really have no idea how long this fic will be but like I said... I WILL WRITE UNTIL I'M NOT SATISFIED ANYMORE. Who knows how long that will be :)) Thank you so much for the love and support! <3


	18. Keep trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is on the shorter side, so I'm sorry about that. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

After the conversation with Ben, she tried harder to regain her strength. She rested when Grace told her to, and although she continued to struggle with controlling her feelings, she did her best to push it down and sleep at night. It felt the loneliest at that time. A lack of the familiar warmth from Five caused all of the distress she held for him to tumble out and she would need to cry before she could find solace enough to sleep. At that point, the only thing that gave her motivation to quiet those wretched feelings were the prospect of leaving and confronting Five herself. 

It was a Tuesday morning when Grace proposed that if she felt well enough, she could return to her normal routine. She would still have dizzy spells every once in awhile when Grace instructed her to walk around the room to regain some balance and increase her blood pressure, but that didn’t stop her from immediately taking the offer. 

It was easy to fall back into her daily schedule. She was looking forward to thinking about something other than the storm of thoughts always blowing hazardously around her head, with the only distraction of occasional visits from her siblings. So, as she eagerly put on her uniform, happy to be in something that had more structure than the cotton shift Grace gave her, she anticipated breakfast. She would see Five for the first time in almost two weeks. 

As she straightened from bending over to tie her shoes, her head swam enough that she had to sit back on her mattress. She clenched her fists in frustration. She was beginning to lose patience with her weak body. Everyone would continue to worry about her and she didn’t want that anymore. 

With a deep breath, she stood, tensing the muscles in her legs in determination. She strode to her door to open it and had a slight spell of nervousness in her reappearance. Not only had she not seen Five during her recovery, Father hadn’t come to visit either. Would he care to know she was well enough to return to her lessons? 

She walked out in the hallway a little unsteadily and found no one’s doors open yet. She supposed she was a little early. She made her way down the hallway, glancing at Five’s door as she passed. She considered stopping to knock, but thought better of it, hoping he would come to her first. When Ben said Five wasn’t doing well, all she could imagine was his face when he returned that first night. His eyes were puffy and rimmed in red, face covered in filth, and deep sorrow drowned his blue eyes in what she now understood as grief. 

The memory was urging unwanted feelings to bubble up like boiling water. She reached for the banister, noticing the signs of faintness again as her heart sped up unpleasantly. But, she was too far to even think of touching it, her fingers stretching. She closed her eyes, anticipating her fall down the last half of the stairs. The notion of it killing her was better than getting hurt and making everyone worry all over again. “ _ Damn, me.”  _ she cursed at herself bitterly. 

Then, there were hands on her waist, and a body abruptly stopping her momentum. The rush of blood was roaring through her ears and she couldn’t hear what he was saying. So she just waited for the episode to pass, feeling the sturdiness of his shoulders under her hands and his breath next to her ear. She missed him. 

“Vanya? Can you hear me? Are you okay?” The urgency in Five’s voice finally broke through the barrier and she sighed. 

“I’m alright.” She whispered. She didn’t want to move away from him, his closeness was comforting and for the first time in weeks, she felt warm. 

He made a disapproving noise in the back of his throat that vaguely reminded her of Father and said grumpily, “That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.” 

She smiled, overjoyed to hear him again, even if it wasn’t under the best circumstances. They weren’t exactly in a hug, but she wanted to be. It felt as if he returned from the future again and they were reuniting for the second time. Instead of wrapping her arms around his neck like every cell in her body craved, she leaned back. Their faces were barely a foot from each other as she looked down at him from a step higher than where he stood. 

She kept her smile, willing it not to allow the tears she felt grasping at the edges of her eyes fall. He was tired. Every inch of him reeked of his exhaustion. 

She took a breath and said lightly, “I missed you, Five.” If she didn’t say it that way, she would have cried. 

She watched as his jaw clenched and all of his features hardened. Even the grip on her waist felt like it turned to stone. 

She searched his eyes, her smile fading. He was glancing behind her at the top of the staircase. Her mouth opened to ask what was wrong, but was interrupted by the slight push of his hands, leading her to the side. She heard the chatter of her other siblings coming up behind them. He took her hand from his shoulder and gently placed it on the wood of the rail. His fingers lingered on her knuckles for a moment and then fell away.

His other arm dropped from her and as he turned away, he said, “Use the railing next time.” And he spatial jumped away from her. 

“Was that Five?” Ben called from behind her. She didn’t know how to respond, so she just stared at the space he was previously occupying. 

Allison made her way to her side and linked her arm with hers. She looked over and found an understanding expression on her sister’s face. Just a small crinkle in her dark brow and slight press of her lips. It was meant to be subtle. 

They began to walk down the stairs slowly, allowing the boys to pass them and wave their greetings. They seemed to be oblivious to their intentions. 

“How are you feeling? I’m glad you don’t have to stay in the infirmary anymore.” She glanced at her from the corner of her eye. 

She was trying to keep her composure, the moment with Five still lingering like she ate something spoiled. She didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t that. He was so cold towards her. 

Allison was still waiting on an answer so she swallowed hard and murmured, “I’m fine.” 

They had stopped on the second to last step as she felt a tear trail down her cheek. Allison gently pulled her into a hug, squeezing her. “Keep trying.” She said softly in her ear, exactly where Five was a minute ago. 

She nodded, returning her embrace, Allison’s buoyant hair tickling her nose. It relieved some of the hurt, but left the knot in her core tighter. She pulled away before Allison did, not wanting to feel the familiar doubt of her sister’s love. 

“C’mon, Dad will be wanting to eat breakfast soon.” Allison took her hand, leading her to the hole in the wall that opened to the kitchen. They hadn’t held hands in years. She pushed the swell in her chest down, and steeled her heart from the affection. 

As they stood by their chairs at the massive wooden table, she couldn’t help but notice Five’s space was empty. Their father came in, sat like he always did, purposeful and prompting, and they all followed suit. 

As she glanced at Five’s chair, Reginald spoke gruffly, his mouth full of eggs, “Where is Number Five?” 

Everyone looked around at each other, she and Allison meeting each other’s gaze. Before anyone could respond, not that she would, Mother chimed in from the stovetop.

“Five said he would like to eat his meals in his room from now on, Sir. Would that be acceptable?” She said this like it was the most normal request in the world. Five’s siblings all glared around the table in concern. 

Reginald grumbled in thought and nodded curtly, “You will arrange that he gets his meals, Grace.” 

“Yes, sir.” And that was the end of any other conversation at the table. She was too distracted by Five’s troubling decision to even feel disappointed that her father didn’t welcome her back from her nearly two weeks of recovery. 

~*~*~

After that, it was impossible to encounter Five. She tried everything she could think of. When he was in his room, she would knock on the door and receive one of two responses: “I’m busy, go away,” or silence. On the rare occasion that he was training and she happened to be able to slip away from her classroom at the same time, she would stand outside the gym door, peeking through the little square window. She would watch him stand in one place, blue light glaring around him, but he would never leave that spot. It was very odd to watch. It was even more strange when she realized what Father was doing. He walked back and forth across the glossy floor, barking commands at Five. She couldn’t understand his words through the thick wood of the door, though. 

The first time, she almost caught him because he didn’t expect her. He was too exhausted to jump away but excused himself to the restroom, brushing passed her like she was a stranger. He stayed in the bathroom until Reginald found her waiting stubbornly, and banished her back to her studies. 

He was being childish in his attempts to avoid them, jumping directly to a room he needed and locking the door or blocking it with a chair. At one point, she got her siblings involved in her efforts to reach him and devised an elaborate plan to lure him out with Allison and Klaus screaming. Vanya couldn’t bring herself to be part of the distressed team, so Klaus gladly joined Allison and nearly ruined it by yelling about hippos eating them alive. Luckily, they were too far away for that part to be discerned by Five. Ben and Diego banged on his door, lying that there was a squad of men and they needed his help. As expected, Five jumped exactly where Allison and Klaus were with Luther waiting just behind the door. He grabbed Five in a powerful bear hug from behind, lifting him from the floor. It didn’t last long as Five kicked him in the groin and dropped him almost immediately. Vanya was there though, grabbing at his arm so he couldn’t jump. He was clearly irritated and ripped his arm from her grasp before he shouted at her, “Just stop trying!” And jumped back to his room. 

After that, she cried in front of them all. Klaus and Allison tried to comfort her by saying he didn’t know what he wanted. It pulled more frustration out of her, like yanking on a cluster of string and creating more of a mess than what it was before. There was no use in trying anymore. She told them she gave up and excused herself to her room. They attempted to check on her by knocking on her door, but she sent them away. She was fed up with Five’s determination to act like he didn’t exist in the house anymore. She didn’t even care if he was mad at her. He was just so infuriating. All she wanted was to not care about him. That’s all she wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Vanya :( I actually felt bad writing this chapter. No one likes to be rejected, especially when you're trying to help them. I hope you all liked it! Let me know what you think is going to happen! Is Vanya really giving up? What's going on with Five?   
> If it wasn't clear, next chapter will be a Five chapter :) 
> 
> Also, I want to thank all of you SO MUCH. This fic just hit 1,000 kudos and I couldn't be happier. I honestly teared up a little when I saw it because I had NO idea it would get this far. Seriously. I'm in awe. Thank you for reading and supporting me and commenting and making me feel so special. :') <3


	19. The Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One word to describe this chapter: ANGST  
> Buckle up, kids!

"You are distracted, Number Five. Whatever it is, you need to eliminate it so you can focus on your mission. You are wasting precious time."

That is what his father declared at the end of his last training session, looking down at him from above. Five was again on his knees for what felt like the thousandth time. As if he was begging for mercy, begging for relief from the personal hell he suffered.

Distracted? How could he be distracted, when all he did was for the goddamn mission? He littered his walls with chalky equations and bullshit theories that did nothing but stare down at him in disappointment. A constant reminder of time slowly chiseling away at the impending death of the world. The destruction _he_ was responsible for ending because _he_ was the unfortunate idiot that stumbled upon it when _he_ had to prove some self-righteous point to his father.

Now, as he heaved himself back to his bedroom, no one waited for him outside the gym. No one tried convincing him that he was missed. No one took his hand in reassurance that he didn't have to be alone. There was no one.

But it was necessary if he was going to survive his return to the desolate apocalypse. And it was necessary if his siblings were going to adjust to him never returning again. Because, with his current abilities, he would not be.

The house seemed dark and empty as he glanced down the hallways, telling himself he was only going to his room, when really he was seeking out some sort of life. Ever since he cradled Vanya’s limp, tortured body at the beginning of her recovery, it felt as though someone had a clamp on his heart and they cranked it tighter and tighter. She asked him to stay with her and he didn't. He let her be alone. He asked her to do the same for him but the difference was that she actually followed through with her promise. She wouldn’t leave him alone because she knew that was the last thing he wanted. But, he finally succeeded in pushing her away. He was alone and it was best for everybody.

He shuffled into his room as a rumble of thunder touched his ears softly. The weather had been reflecting his situation very well the last few weeks. It was always dark in a way that made you want to sleep or think about sad things. And when the rain began, it was loud enough to echo through the old mansion, cloaking the natural sounds one might make if the sad things prevailed over sleep. But for Five, there was nothing to be sad about. He achieved the goal of isolating himself from the others. Vanya didn’t have to worry anymore.

He sighed heavily, purposely averting his eyes from the mess of papers and chaotic scribbles that made up the entire space around him. The only untouched object was his bed, failing to bring him peace when he needed it most.

He laid down, feeling as though his bones were made of lead, sinking all the way through the mattress to the cold floor. When he slept, he was overcome by guilt. Guilt for not working toward solutions to the apocalypse, guilt for pushing away his family, guilt for yelling in Vanya’s face. He tried to be blatant in his attempts to avoid her, hoping she would get tired of it and give up. But he knew he would eventually have to hurt her in order for his objective to be met. And he let his frustration out through his harsh words. He hated himself for it,  but it had to be done for her own good. He didn’t want her to miss him.

So, with those heavy thoughts suffocating his mind, he drifted into a restless sleep. He dreamt about finding Vanya in the wreckage of the future. Her age didn’t change with the time, which should have been a logical trigger for his dreaming conscious to understand that it wasn’t real, but there is no science of reason in dreams. There is no control. Only the darkness of a person’s mind, teasing them with their deepest fears. He held her pale, dirty hand and apologized over and over until her hand withered into ash and there was nothing left of her.

He awoke to his own sobs, staring into the emptiness of his palm. In the future, he woke himself up in this manner every time. But his dreams didn’t revolve around a single person. It was all of them. In this instance, focusing on Vanya had a deeper repercussion. He was in the present where they all lived. He had the freedom to walk down the hall and see her with his own eyes. See the light, the other world lacked, shining through her vibrantly. The warmth of her existence reaching through him to smooth out all the wrinkles his crippling loneliness crumpled together.

The faint music of her violin cruelly snuck its way into his room. A sorrowful tune resonating with the dull taps of rain beginning on his window. It urged him to think about his own sadness, so fresh in his mind. If he could just be certain she was safe. Like he would when she was in the infirmary. Only a quick jump to pull the blankets up over her shoulders to keep her heat from escaping. Just because he was cold didn’t mean she had to be.

The desire to see her possessed him. He couldn’t miss the opportunity to be in her presence when he would soon not be. All of the previous pragmatic decisions he made to benefit her and the others dropped from his mind like they never existed to begin with, and he left his room in a daze. He wandered to the outside of a door that muffled the clear, confident notes she played. The song was beautiful, whatever it was. Maybe he could ask.

As he knocked on the door, the gravity of the situation crushed him in a moment of panic, and he cursed his impulsiveness. _What am I doing?_  

The music stopped abruptly. “Come in.” She called. Just the sound of her voice caused his muscles to go taut and his heart to race. _Wasn’t this enough to know she was alive?_

It wasn’t enough. A raw feeling of innate desire to see her and touch her and feel her warmth overwhelmed him and he opened the door.

She was shuffling sheets of paper around as she said, “I’ve almost learned the next movement like you asked. I had a question -” Her words caught in her throat as she turned and found him instead of Mom. Her wide eyes and flared nose only gave him the impression of surprise. It may have turned into something else, but she turned back to her stand before revealing anything more.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, a slight tremble in her voice.

The question was like a sharp blade, slicing viciously at his delicate state. He swallowed. He needed to keep this up. He could if he tried. If she didn’t think anything was wrong, they could go back to the original arrangement of no contact. _Why am I here?_

He took a breath, shoving his hands in his pockets, and spoke in a calm, relaxed tone, “I needed somewhere to think other than my bedroom, if you don’t mind.”

She glanced at him from behind her hair as if assessing him. Finally, she nodded and said almost stubbornly, “I’m going to keep practicing though.”

Another stab at him. He was inconveniencing her, she didn’t want him there, but something deep inside kept him from leaving. Again, he had no control over his fragile mind, all the resolve he built up over the last month, completely ruined.

He nodded lamely and settled on the floor against the wall. She looked down at him for a moment before beginning the piece all over again. It started soft and grew louder, then quiet again. He watched as her body rocked forward and backward, molding to the dynamic notes. Her eyes followed the sheet, but would drift closed during the slower, more drawn out parts.

He knew he was staring at her, but this is what he needed. He needed to see her. He needed to know she was alive, and when she played her violin, she became more focused. More real than he had ever seen her. She was always so ghostly and transparent any other part of the day, like your hand could pass through her if you weren’t careful. But, her music made her a tangible being. Almost too bright and pivotal to the world’s survival for him to be in her presence. Like everything would fall apart if she stopped playing.

It was as though all of his guilt and anxiety had been sympathetically lifted from him. He even sat in a numb sense of peace for a few seconds when she finished.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked quietly, resting her hand on the metal stand in front of her.

He blinked. “What?”

Her hand closed into a fist and she turned to him, her cheeks wet, “ _Are you mad at me_?”

“No.” He replied, the word almost choking him. Panic shocked him out of his daze. He stood, too tired to jump to her. _He was making her cry again._

“Then, why?” She plead, eyebrows pulling together desperately. She was hugging her violin to her chest.

His throat was dry. He never would have expected her to be so forthright. The guilt was creeping back under his skin, weaving itself into his anxiety. He stared at the floor, avoiding her eyes, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Suddenly, a vicious crack of lightning, followed by an angry boom shook the building. He peered at the window, checking to see if it was holding up against the torrential rain. Then, he looked back at Vanya to find her stalking toward him. Her mouth was twisted and wet from tears.

She poked a finger into his chest, pushing him back, “Why are you avoiding us?”

Her always steady, sweet voice was gone, and replaced with something hard and accusing. He shouldn’t have come here. “I’m not avoiding you.”

“Yes, you are!”

“No, I’m not.” He replied with a false sense of calm. He was laying waste to all of efforts in only a matter of seconds.

Her finger turned into a fist again, and for a moment he thought she was going to punch him. He almost welcomed it, wanting to anticipate what she would do next, terrified by her unpredictable behavior. But instead, her face softened into a pained grimace. And somehow it scared him more.

“Don’t blame yourself for what I did.” Her voice was quiet. She searched his eyes with shiny, hazel-colored orbs.

He wanted to jump away, back to his room. Back to his reality of culpable blame. He didn’t deserve her understanding. She must have sensed his urge to leave, because she snatched his hand in both of hers.

“You aren’t leaving, Five.” She said, sternly. As if she had the last word and he had no choice. He didn’t have the strength to push her away, and hurt her again, so he let her hold him there.

She was becoming impatient with his silence so she said, “It isn’t fair for you to do that. I’m the one that took the pills because -”

He finally gave up the facade, knowing he was in too deep already. Now, his only hope of returning to his original plan was to convince her that he was doing the right thing. That they needed to limit contact so they didn’t have to share his burdens and she wouldn’t have to miss him or think about him. “You only took them because I was putting too much on you. I was relying on you too much -.”

The fierce burning in her eyes made him stop. The Vanya who was tired of letting others disregard her feelings was returning, and he was nervous again.

“Is reading other people’s minds part of your powers, too? Because last time I checked, it wasn’t!” The window rattled precariously, the wind becoming too powerful. “Don’t assume that you know what I’m thinking! Because you don’t!” A fist came up to tangle in the collar of his jacket. “I took them because -” she paused to catch his eyes with her own, a deep desperation melting her fury, “I can’t save you from the future.”

He opened his mouth to ask for more clarification, confusion cloaking his previous fear. But she continued, more water leaking from her imploring gaze. “You are already set on returning to the future. I can see it. Whether you want to or not, you’re going to go because that’s who you are.”

Her words and tears soaked into him. The acceptance of his return tasted like ash in his mouth. He covered her hand in his, meeting her eyes. “I do have to go. And if I don’t come back, I don’t want you and the others to miss me. So if it’s like I’m already gone, you won’t -,” he clenched his jaw, dropping his eyes from her, not wanting to show how much it was affecting him, “you won’t have to miss me.”

He heard her take in a breath and let out a bitter laugh, “That is the _dumbest_ thing I’ve ever heard.”

His head snapped up, disbelief darkening his expression. He didn’t think he had ever heard Vanya say something was dumb. Or purposely offend someone’s ideas. He would do that, but not her.

“Why do you think you know what’s best for us?” She asked through her teeth, tightening her grip on his jacket again.

His own anger was beginning to erupt, as he replied spitefully, “Because I’m smarter than all of you.”

Her nose flared, “Just because you’re smarter doesn’t mean you know better. Last time I checked, you got stuck in the future because you didn’t know better. Who told you not to go?”

The night before he jumped, he was raving about his equations lining up perfectly with Einstein’s theory of special relativity. He was so excited that he determined he would attempt it that next day, with or without his father’s permission. He shared this with Vanya and expected her to be happy for him. But she only showed concern and asked him to do more research before he tried. He took this like he regarded his father. They didn’t think he was capable so he would prove it to them. She begged him not to go, realizing that he was being serious. But he went despite her pleas for his well being. Despite her worried tears.

He only narrowed his eyes at her. The sudden shift in how she spoke to him was throwing him off more than usual. He didn’t think he had ever argued with her and he didn’t know how to do it when she presented herself so confidently.

She glared harder at him, frowning, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. It was me. I knew what was best. And I’m telling you _right now_ ,” she ground out, capturing his eyes again to emphasize her point, “that you are _wrong._ ” Her chin jutted out and she continued berating him, “How does it even make sense for us to act like you’re not here? We should be spending as much time as we can with each other, before -” Her tears had stopped for the duration of her scolding, but had now sprung back to dampen her eyes, “- before you have to leave again.”

Her thumb was rubbing anxiously at the seam in his collar, and he realized how weak he was feeling. Of course, she was right. She was the only person in the house that wasn’t spoiled by powers, poisoning her ability to make decisions that benefited everyone. Decisions that weren’t self-serving. She was the only one who could genuinely care and _really_ know what was best.

He hadn’t realized one pair of their hands were still connected. Even through all the yelling they did at each other, they hadn’t let go. Before she could say anything more, he pulled her into him with his other arm hanging uselessly at his side. They were the same height so he only had to rest his chin on her shoulder to feel close to her. Her hair smelled like he had just bit into an apple, so fresh and intoxicating. His arm stretched so it was all the way around her waist, pulling her closer.

“I’m sorry, Vanya.” He whispered, feeling his chest warm up from her proximity, still wanting to be closer to her. Not wanting her to disappear into ash in his arms.

He felt her respond to him, tucking her head against his neck. Her forehead mingled with the skin under his ear. It rubbed as she shook her head insistently. “N-no, Five. Please don’t be sorry. Nothing is your fault. I’m sorry.”

He squeezed her hand slightly, appreciating her sentiment but not understanding. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”

“Yes, there is. I -,” she pulled on his jacket, her crying immediately returning like she had been holding it back, its influence becoming too strong, “I’m sorry I took too much medicine!” She took in a shaky sob, before continuing, “And I made you worry about me when you have so much more to worry about, and I couldn’t do more to help you!”

Her crying was reverting back to the kind that made him despise it. It was making her suffer for the sadness she held, and he wanted more than anything to make it stop.

He took her shoulders, letting go of her hand, and pulled away so he could see her better. Her hair acted as a curtain around her, so he tucked it behind her ears and kept his hands on either side of her head. It was like he was holding her up, the frequency of her crying becoming higher and more uncontrollable.

She could barely open her eyes, but he spotted just a fleck of amber smoldering behind her wet lashes, looking at him, pleading. “F-Five, I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you. I-I’m sorry I’m completely useless.” As her chin trembled, thunder shook the Academy once more.

He swiped his thumb across her cheek, a strong burning in his chest flared. “Why are you saying that?” He asked, detesting her words.

“Because it’s t-true!” Her hands were gripping his wrists now, “You said everyone went down fighting in the future! Where was I?” She questioned, a hardness in her eyes. She didn’t wait for him to reply, but pulled his hands from her, “That’s right, you couldn’t find me! I was probably on the very bottom floor of some building _hiding_ with the rest of the powerless civilians you were saving. You couldn’t find me because I was already buried twenty feet down, letting you all _die_!”

Just then, the room shook with her last word and he heard a dry grating, like the sound you get from rubbing two rocks together. He looked up to catch the end of a crack forming in the ceiling, stopping when it met the wall behind him. Dusty plaster rained down on them, little pieces clinking against her music stand and chair.

He quickly seized her wrist and pulled her to the safety of the wall with the door. She easily followed him, unaware of the potentially dangerous situation. He gave the fissure one last glance, daring it to fall in on them, and turned to Vanya.

The previous burn he felt was now big enough to destroy the entire mansion. Her burned, lifeless body weighing down his heart. He gripped her upper arms and let all of his thoughts roll out of him, finally re-grasping his practicality, “Now, _that_ was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” She looked angry but he continued, “You weren’t _hiding._ That’s the last thing you would be doing. You were probably guiding civilians to safety, or providing first aid. Just because you aren’t fighting alongside us, doesn’t mean you aren’t _helping_.” He reached up to wipe at more tears sliding down her face, and grinned. “You are the least useless person I know. Have you met Diego?”

“Five…” She complained softly. Her voice brought a funny feeling bubbling up from his stomach. He didn’t think the sound of his name could be so sweet.

He was speechless for a moment, taking in the proximity of their bodies, and the tenderness of her gaze. He yearned for her warmth again, eyeing her flushed cheeks. He gulped, looking down as he took her hands and cradled them carefully. He didn’t want to scare her but his current state of mind was uninhibited by his usual reasonable constraints.

So, he leaned toward her and pressed his lips on her cheek, only long enough to allow the heat to sink in and make his teeth ache with longing. “But, really, Vanya. You understand how important you are to me, right?” He glanced up, to find her lips parted, a crinkle in her brow, and her hair still gathered behind her ears. He felt heat crawling up from his neck at the thought of how _pretty_ she looked.

He stumbled to rephrase himself, becoming self-conscious, “I-I mean, _us._ You’re important to all of us -”

The door creaked open, and they all but leapt from each other. Mother strolled in carrying a tray of cookies and milk.

“Ah. There you are Five!” She smiled brightly, “I see you two have made up. Would you like some cookies?”

Now was his chance to leave, too embarrassed at himself to stay any longer. He opened his mouth, making for the door, but was stopped.

She held his hand firmly as before, but with a kind of tenderness he could only experience from Vanya. “Stay here for a while longer?” She asked, a hopeful smile on her lips.

He paused, his blood still raging through him, but nodded anyway. He hoped his father was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been waiting to write this chapter since almost the beginning so I intimidated myself a little with it, taking longer to write and edit than normal. Sorry for the delay! I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! We've finally broken the romantic barrier, but expect there to be some more slow burn. Vanya is a little clueless ;)  
> Let me know what you think! Did you like their conversation?? They had a lot to get off their chests! Thank you so much for reading!


	20. Being a good person gets annoying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late posting this chapter! It's been a busy week. I hope you enjoy it! :)

As she readied herself for bed, she replayed the disaster of a conversation with Five. It was hard for her to remember parts of it. The anger towards him swallowed her up in this pocket that she could only claw her way out of by unraveling the knot that had become tighter with each passing day since her recovery. All of it just unwinding around her. And some of the justifications for his actions fueled it. 

She rubbed her face in dread thinking in retrospect. She really had  _ no  _ control over her thoughts. It was like the night she fought with Allison. The rain was loud and almost demanding that she release her wrath. She liked the way it felt... to let it completely overtake her. Even if it felt achingly good to finally express her feelings, there were consequences. The hurt in Allison and Five’s eyes when she lashed out at them pulled her to the shore of her boiling rage. If only for a moment to gather her bearings. Unfortunately for Five, this process happened over and over, more areas of “discussion” to cover than she anticipated. She was worried she had gone too far with some things. 

Five didn’t seem too bothered by the end. He even  _ kissed  _ her. On the cheek, of course. They were brother and sister! He was only showing that he cared about her. However, the same bubble that made a brief appearance when he tucked hair behind her ear, emerged when he... _ kissed her _ … and she was lost. Just floating around in her confused body. She reached up to press her fingertips in the spot his lips were. Her cheek was warm. 

A flare of blue lit up her room and she nearly scratched herself, yanking her fingers from her face. 

Five noticed her jump and grinned. “I kind of missed that.”

Her face burned more as she glared at him in confusion. “What?”

The floor creaked slightly as he walked to the window to look up at the moon. “Oh, um. When you were too medicated, you didn’t really get scared. Or really react to anything.” 

“Oh. I don’t think I would mind that sometimes. It gets exhausting being so jumpy.” She gave him a stern look, “Especially when you pop out of nowhere.” 

He pressed his lips together disapprovingly, “You weren’t  _ you _ when you were like that, though. I didn’t like it.” He said it with a tone of airy indifference, like he was talking about his least favorite flavor of ice cream. So matter-of-fact. 

It didn’t stop the same guilt from clawing its way out of the hole she already threw it in when she apologized. “I’m sorr-”

“Stop it.” He snapped, glaring at her. “We already apologized to each other.” His grumpy expression softened, “You don’t have to feel bad about it anymore.”

She stared up at him in surprise, but then felt relief from his blunt forgiveness. It made Five’s presence all the more comforting. He would never expect her to grovel forever about her mistakes and force her to drown in her very real anxiety. He might revel in doing something like that to one of their other siblings, but never her. He knew the damage it could cause. He was always taking care of her. Her heart swelled with fondness for him.  

Then a thought came to her that she had been meaning to bring up. She smiled warmly, “Five, I wanted -”

“Vanya.” He grumbled threateningly.

She rolled her eyes and reached for his hand. “I wanted to  _ thank you _ for knowing that I needed help. I would probably still be drugged up if you didn’t do something.” 

“I wasn’t even the one that knew what was wrong. Klaus did.” He said, his expression darkening some. 

“Klaus?” She asked, surprised. 

“Yeah. Are you still taking them? Your medicine, I mean?” He turned toward her, a different kind of seriousness in his glare. 

She was stunned by the sudden change in subject, only nodding. She watched as he moved to sit beside her. 

He eyed her cautiously, “Klaus thinks you’re taking too much.” 

“But I’m only taking one a day now.” 

“Is there any way you can only take half? Or just stop altogether? There’s -,”

She put her free hand over their already gathered hands, interrupting his frantic ramble, “Five, what are you talking about?” 

He sighed in frustration, “Klaus thinks Dad is overdosing you with just the one pill. He said it’s way too strong for you. I wouldn’t normally trust  _ his _ instincts but he seemed serious for once in his life.” He paused to gage her reaction, “Do you know why you take them?” 

“I guess to help my anxiety.” She said in a daze. The memory of the encounter she had with Father when she was taking too much medicine, flooded her. He told her to come to him if the current dose was “unsatisfactory.” It made her shiver. 

He was suddenly angry as if he was finally thinking about it, “Why would he do that? He pushes us to our limits with our powers but he’s been  _ poisoning  _ you for almost your whole life, making you believe that he was helping you.” His lip curled in disgust and his leg bounced restlessly, “What kind of sadistic asshole does that?” 

She didn’t know what to say. Everything he said was very true _.  _ All of it directly affecting  _ her.  _ Only  _ her _ . Not any of her other siblings. It was hard for her to grasp, like it was floating in water and she could see it, but it kept slipping through her fingers when she went to snatch it. Her medicine had been a prominent subject in her life recently. Whether it was forgotten or misused, she was noticing how much those little pills could really affect her. She noticed it in how she spoke to her siblings, how she reacted to stress, and how her emotions could overwhelm her like a giant tidal wave. It took away control and replaced it with determined retribution. She wanted the feelings to take over her when it was happening and for them to do something about all the hurt in her life. Because she never could before.

“Maybe I need it.” She said breathlessly. 

“You need to be overdosed?” He replied in disbelief, his knee freezing mid-bounce. 

“I mean, maybe I really need that much.”

“Why would you think that?”

She still stared at the floor, allowing the connections she made between her recent behavior and the purpose of her medicine to fit together like perfect puzzle pieces. 

“My feelings have been too much for me... to handle lately. They take over me -” she took a breath, her eyes following the grain in the wood of the floor, “- and I  _ want  _ them to. I want them to take control and -” she closed her eyes, Allison’s terrified expression rising from the water it had been hiding in to persuade her further into her fear, “-  _ hurt  _ someone.” She was shaking her head in realization, “I’ve been taking this medicine since I was young. Grace said I would have meltdowns but she didn’t say what kind... What if I was hurting people and they needed something to keep me under control?” 

There were memories linked to all of it, she knew. It was on the very edge of her mind, so close to tumbling off, forgotten forever. She was reaching with all her might to get them. She didn’t remember she was in the same room as Five, lost to her revelation until he tugged her hand, bringing her back to reality.

“Vanya, that’s crazy. You wouldn’t hurt anyone.” He huffed, feigning indifference. There were wrinkles of concern in his forehead though. 

“You don’t understand…” she whispered, bringing her other hand up to bite at her thumbnail. The very emotions she spoke of were emerging threateningly. She squeezed her eyes shut. The persistent murmur of Five’s voice was drowned out by his breathing. It was constant. In and out. In and out. Something that was unaffected by her. There was the possibility of it speeding up or slowing down, but she didn’t have control of that. He did. 

She focused on it, her eyes still closed, letting the sound cool her fear, like an icecube to a burn. Eventually, she felt a strange pressure in the middle of her chest. Like someone pressed their palm against her and if she moved it away, there was something beneath it. But she couldn’t move the invisible hand. It stayed put. Then, the pressure was gone and she heard Five’s voice again. 

“ _ Vanya.”  _ He growled, gripping her arms. She blinked at him as his face broke into relief. “Damn, Vanya,” he sighed, bowing his head, “where the hell did you go?” 

She opened her mouth but became embarrassed. She couldn’t tell him she was listening to him breathe… that was weird. “I - uh -” she started, shaking the strangeness of what she just experienced, “I was trying to calm down. I’m sorry for making you worry.” 

He dropped his hands and ran them through his hair. “Could you stay on this planet next time?” 

“Yeah. I’ll try.” She replied. 

“Maybe we should go to bed.” He suggested, scowling at her in concern. Five’s face was always in a state of scowling. Since he returned from his time jump, though, it seemed softer, more vulnerable. 

“Sure.” She nodded, crawling to the wall and moving the blankets back. She situated his pillow beside her own. When she looked up, she saw the same hesitation in his eyes she recognized every time there was a lull in their sleeping arrangement. She smiled teasingly, feeling oddly content, “Would you hurry up?” 

He squinted his eyes at her, trying to stifle a smile. He stood and switched the light off. Once he settled beside her, she took his hand, resting it between them on her quilt. 

She was about to wish him a good night when he spoke, “I’m sorry for what Dad is doing to you.” He was sad. The darkness couldn’t hide the expression she knew was dampening his sternness. 

“Don’t be.” She whispered. How could he be more upset than she was? Was it because she was grateful for the medicine? “It isn’t your fault.”

“Will you talk to him about it?” He asked in a hushed voice.

She sighed. “I don’t know. Probably.” 

“Can I be there when you punch him in the face?” She could hear the smirk in his voice.

What an idea. To punch the man who has isolated and degraded her, her entire life. It was a nice thought. 

She laughed a little, thinking how ridiculous it would look with  _ her  _ punching a grown man. “I don’t think I could hit him hard enough. I might need your help.” 

“Oh, gladly.” He mused, chuckling darkly. 

She giggled, “You’re scary.” 

He hummed, “Only when I need to be.” Then, he took a breath, “You know I’m not joking. I want to hurt him for hurting you.” 

She shouldn’t have been shocked. Five had always been a little vindictive, especially toward Reginald Hargreeves. She was startled by his comment nonetheless, caught on the fact that he wanted to do it for her. 

“Thanks,” she rubbed her thumb along his knuckles anxiously, “but don’t hurt anyone because of me. Even if they deserve it.” 

He was quiet for a moment before he said, “Remember when I said you were a good person?” She didn’t know if his question was rhetorical, but he continued before she could respond, “It gets annoying sometimes.” 

She smiled at his deadpan tone and whispered, “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He said softly. 

~*~*~

The next day, she woke to Five tucking her back into her blankets. He seemed a bit embarrassed that she woke before he could leave. But she asked if she would see him at breakfast. He nodded with one of his token grins, and jumped out of her room. She burrowed back into the warmth and happily fell back to sleep.

After everyone realized Five was back to eating with them, they drowned him with attention after breakfast. Before they assaulted him, their father informed them that they had five minutes to get to their lessons for the day, and briskly left them. Vanya found his tolerant demeanor to be odd. Once he left, they treated him the way he should have been treated when he came back from the future; like he had been away on a dangerous mission. 

Many of the interactions were one-sided, Luther’s hefty slap on the shoulder and Klaus’s awkwardly long hug from behind were abrasively tolerated. Ben and Allison asked how he was feeling and was met with a sarcastic remark, not really explaining his fragile state. They knew how he coped with weakness, so they let him have the sentiment. Vanya only stood off to the side, watching in satisfaction. He needed them if they were going to save the world. 

She was skirting her way around them, smiling shyly and not quite making eye contact with any of them. She was headed to the staircase when she was pulled into the circle by Allison. They all acknowledged her presence through greetings or thankful smiles. Her heart thrummed pleasantly with the positive attention and warming atmosphere. Another rare moment she deemed worthy to be stored in her most precious memories. They were scarce but they were treasured.

~*~*~

Later that day, during her violin practice, she was practicing the same movement in the violin concerto she had been working on for the last several weeks. It was a very emotional piece of music. The composer, Tchaikovsky, suffered from depression and she could feel it through this particular movement. It was one of her favorites. 

In the midst of drilling the same four measures over and over, not quite getting the fingering right, someone cleared their throat behind her. She turned to find Father standing in the doorway. She nearly dropped the violin. 

“F-Father, what are you doing here?” She stuttered over herself, the question of whether he came to listen to her play was on the tip of her tongue. 

He spoke before she could even have the hope of asking her follow-up question. He was glaring at the ceiling as he said, “I have something to support your learning of the violin.” 

He strode into the room, his gaze finally falling to her. He held out a small, black box-like device. It fit just in his palm. She looked up at him for permission to take it and he nodded. She took it, careful not to touch the skin of his hand. It looked like a plastic box with a dial on the front. 

She was confused by her father’s decision to give her a gift and also the mystery of the gift. She glanced back at him as he stood there, probably waiting for her to say something. 

“Thank you, Father.” She said hesitantly. She partly thought she should bring up the medicine, unsure if that was the right time. Again, before she could commit to her idea, he intervened with his own.

He grumbled in response to her gratitude and said with his usual air of pious instruction, “If you wish to play the songs of the masters, you must learn control.” In a quick flick of his wrist, he switched the machine on and a distinct  _ tick _ ing began. She could almost feel the vibration of the sharp, short sound through her hand. “This metronome will teach you that timing and discipline will be what you need to overcome if you want to achieve your goals.” His eyebrows were set over his cold eyes sternly. She got the sense that he just told her something very important. And as much as she resented him, especially with recent discoveries, she wanted to please him. He had never given her anything, except for her violin. And now the metronome that he claimed would help her achieve her goals. Was he implying that he wanted her to succeed? 

The metronome continued to tick tirelessly as her fingers fluttered over the dial, examining the range of numbers. She nodded, a billowing of pride expanding in her chest. Her father believed that she could be successful. 

“I’ll do my best, Father.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like I was losing direction with the characters, so I went back and re-read almost the entire fic. It was over 70 pages on the Google Doc I've been keeping this! Holy fricken moly. When did this become such a monster??  
> ANYWAY, I needed to refresh my memory on Five and Vanya's fears and motivations, because I feel like I was losing it with all the angst in the last few chapters. Hopefully it will help me clear up some things and keep the characters from getting too muddy (if that makes sense).   
> I was disappointed in myself for leaving out a few things I wanted to include in the last chapter when I was re-reading, so I will try to squeeze them in somewhere else. I didn't realize how much work this would be. But FEAR NOT, I am still motivated to write. All of your comments are so sweet and encouraging. And honestly very helpful. Sometimes I don't realize when things don't make sense unless someone says something! Thank you! It helps me make sure you are all following along okay, because clearly everything makes sense to me (lol).   
> Thank you again for reading! <3


	21. A new discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired but I wanted to get this up tonight. It's a long one! I hope you enjoy it!

“How will that help you come back from the future?” Ben asked, genuine concern shadowing his gaze. Five was currently lounging on one of the sofas in the library explaining his training with Father after lunch. They all had a small amount of time to themselves since it was Klaus’ training day. 

He hadn’t talked to Ben like this since before he left. There was still a part of him that was anxious about reverting back to his previous relationships. He was always close with Ben, connecting with him on an intellectual level, sharing his theories and receiving some useful feedback. He didn’t want to confide in anyone about his return, but the pressure he already put on Vanya was becoming too much. He didn’t want to overwhelm her, knowing she was still recovering and dealing with her own struggles. What they were exactly, was lost on him. 

Ever since the conversation about her medicine and the idea that she was on it to prevent her from hurting people, she had been spaced out. Not her normal timid disengagement, but she was disconnected in a way that made him think she was aware of something and was trying to tackle it when it surfaced. It worried him, but she insisted that she was only “calming down.” Either way, he seemed to be the only one bothered by her calming technique, knowing that she only did it because of their father.

“How does Dad come up with any of our training? He pulls it out of his ass and expects us to do it.” He replied to Ben bitterly, scribbling another set of numbers on his pad of paper. More anger flared remembering his conversation with Vanya, “He thinks he knows what’s best for us and when it doesn’t work out he makes us feel bad about it.” He looked up at Ben perched on the opposite end of the couch. He was sure Vanya wouldn’t have said anything to the others about the medicine. “Vanya thinks Dad is overdosing her because she’s dangerous. That she feels like she could hurt someone when she’s not on them.” He clenched his fist wishing he could put it right in Sir Reginald’s face. Vanya would forgive him. 

“Vanya thinks that?” Ben asked, deepening his previous concern.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m saying. Dad is an asshole. He puts these ideas in our heads to mess with us. Vanya has been trying to “calm” herself down because she thinks she needs to.”

“I don’t think Vanya could hurt a fly.” Ben said. “She’s one of the most caring people I know. Don’t you think?” He tagged the last part on with a slight glance in his direction.

Five squinted his eyes suspiciously at his brother. “Of course she is.” He put another string of numbers down, before adding, “She’s ordinary. That’s what makes her a good person.”

“And a good sister?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

He didn’t understand Ben’s weird questioning. He would expect this kind of stuff from Klaus, but not Ben. 

“What are you getting at?” He snapped, holding his pen tightly so he wouldn’t throw it. 

“You two have been spending a lot of time together… and you both clearly care about each other…” He stretched his neck out as if hinting at something. 

“Yeah, and?” Five retorted, annoyed by his nosy assumptions. He still wasn’t comfortable with his need to rely on Vanya, so his comments were rubbing in all the wrong places.

Ben’s head dropped back with a dramatic eye roll. “You are one of the smartest and stupidest people I know.” 

He slammed his pen against his notepad, denting it. “I know I’ve been relying on her a lot but she’s the only one who isn’t an idiot in this house!” 

Ben leaned back a little at his outburst but an infuriating grin spread across his face instead of the terror he was hoping to motivate. As he opened his mouth, a loud buzzing grated against their ears. They both jumped up out of habit. 

Ben gave him a withering look. “I’ll see you later, Five.” And he ran out of the cavernous room.

~*~*~

He sat in Vanya’s practice room, his knee bouncing not nearly in time with the ticking coming from the little box beside her music stand. She was playing the same song as the day they made up. The sound of it was fine to his inexperienced ears, enjoying the minor tones it delved into, pleasing a part of his brain he didn’t know he had. Vanya was definitely not satisfied. 

“Maybe I should slow down.” She mumbled as she cranked the little dial, the ticking slowing significantly. She took a breath, her chest expanding, and started the same part over. He watched as she drew the notes out longer as if stretching them. He had the slightest recognition of the music matching the ticks. He didn’t understand how, but he could hear them correspond correctly. Then, as she played some notes that weren’t as drawn out, faster, he thought, they strayed from the beat of the metronome. And she growled. 

He raised his eyebrows. That was new. “Why do you even play with that thing on anyway?” Pointing at the little black contraption. “It’s obviously messing you up.” 

“It’s meant to make me keep the beat steady.” She sighed loudly, “Dad said that I needed to practice control if I was going to be successful.” 

He felt a hard scowl scrunch his face up, “Why do you care what Dad says?” He scoffed, “You’ll be successful on your own. You don’t need his help.” 

A small smile crept onto her face urging a slight blush to touch the tops of her cheeks. “You really think so?” 

He raised an eyebrow, interested in the sweet expression he caused. Had he never complimented her? “Of course, I do. You’re a really good musician already and you’re only 13.”

He watched as she tried to hide her growing pride behind her hair falling around her face. He smiled, satisfied with himself. 

“I do need to work on my timing though. You can hear it in this song especially.” She grimaced, looking closer at the notes. “I always get too fast here. It’s like the music is moving forward without me if I make myself slow down…” And just like that, the confidence he built up was torn down immediately by her own criticisms. Her eyes fell in defeat. 

He jumped to her side and switched the metronome off. It was irritating even for him. “Will you help me with my time jumps?” She looked up at him, “Maybe I will be more  _ successful  _ without dear old Dad breathing down my neck.” 

She nodded, the smile returning.

~*~*~

It was quiet in the Academy. Grace and Pogo didn’t feel the need to pressure them into anything when their father wasn’t around. It was nice. It wasn’t nice that Five had to stay behind from whatever mission the rest of his siblings were on, though. 

“Dad is so stupid. How does it make sense for me to stay behind on a mission? I’m perfectly capable of helping.” He handed Vanya a stopwatch, trying not to direct his indignation on her. Listening to her play the violin did a lot for his nerves. Maybe practicing his jumps wasn’t the best choice right now. 

“Why won’t he let you go on missions?” She cocked her head.

“He said the  _ team _ ,” he said the word grudgingly, “needed to adjust to the possibility of me not returning.” 

“Huh.” She responded, looking down at the watch, messing with the buttons.

Again with the implicit comments. “What, Vanya? Just tell me. I am not putting up with anymore passive aggressiveness today.”

Her lips turned up in amusement. “I wondered where the idea of you cutting yourself off from us came from.” It was her turn to raise her eyebrows at him, “I guess I’m not the only one who still listens to Dad.” 

He rolled his eyes, sighing heavily, “Yeah, yeah. I was wrong.” He glared at her in realization, “Are you just trying to get me to admit that I’m wrong again?”

She shrugged, holding the clock to her chest and smirking, “It doesn’t happen very often.” Then, her lips pursed, “And I want you to know how  _ wrong  _ you were.”

He dropped his gaze to the floor. When did Vanya get so good at shaming people? “I know I was wrong. I’m sorry.” 

Her fingers brushed his cheek and he looked up. Her expression was soft but still a little stern. “If you learned, then you don’t have to be sorry anymore.” Before he knew it, her fingers dropped from him and she rocked back on her heels. “So how am I going to help you?”

The sting of her words were softened by the lingering warmth of her touch. He wanted more. He swallowed, trying to pull himself back together. “You are going to time me.” He walked a little way from her, setting his feet apart into a sturdy stance. It was like he was awaiting a tackle from her. “If or when I disappear, you will start the timer and stop it  _ if or when  _ I return.” He nodded to himself, determination filling his veins. When he was doing this with Father, all he could feel was his disappointment. It was hard to focus under those conditions. So, when he was alone in his room he would halfheartedly attempt the same feat. He knew that even if it worked, there was no way of knowing. It was  _ one  _ stupid minute. He wouldn’t be able to notice a minute’s change in a room by himself. But with Vanya, she could time him if he managed to jump at all. 

She nodded her understanding of the role and readied her finger on the button. She looked as determined as he felt, allowing it to seep into him further.  _ I can do this.  _

He flared his power, the pulse of it warping his fists. He took a breath, aligning the numbers in his head, feeling them click into place. He pushed the energy harder, feeling his hair brush against the skin of his forehead with the force of it vibrating around him. During his concentration, he focused on Vanya. This type of jump was a trigger for his trauma and he hated that. He loved using his power, but ruined the fun of it by being careless with it. He took another breath, closing his eyes, feeling the presence of another person, and pushed harder. He almost couldn’t breathe now, putting all of his energy into this one attempt. 

He fell to one knee, his hands shaking and losing the spark of his power. “Damn.” He muttered, feeling Vanya’s hands on his own. Sure enough, when he opened his eyes, she was knelt down, right in front of him. 

“Five, are you okay?” She asked, searching his face anxiously. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea getting her involved.

“I’m alright. This happens every time.” She helped him as he struggled to stand. “Let’s do it again.” 

And they did for about as long as he would when he was training with Father. Every failed attempt was met with Vanya helping him stand back up, which he appreciated but would never accept if the other members of their family were in the room. Near the end, he fell to his hands and knees, dizziness causing him to lose his strength.

“God damn it!” He growled, moving to sit so he could rest his head on his knees. Again, with his eyes shut, she was right there by him. “I don’t understand why Dad thinks this is going to help me get back from the future. If I can’t even jump forward, how can I jump back in time?” He was relieved to have his face hidden, because frustrated tears rose to his eyes without his permission. He didn’t realize how discouraged he was becoming with each failed attempt, especially after months of the same result. He really thought he would make some headway without the looming figure of Reginald Hargreeves. 

“Five, you can do it! I know you can. In my entire life, I have never seen you not reach a goal!” She was so hopeful. Yet, he was so hopeless again. 

“Not this time. Not when it really matters. I was stupid and immature before. Everything I did was to be better than everyone else.” The bitterness filled him up like dirty water to a sponge. “And now when it  _ actually  _ matters, I can’t do it. Everything depends on me going to the future and finding something to help stop it, but if I even manage to do that, I can’t get back to do anything about it!” He turned his face away, still childishly hiding behind his knees. He was so dumb to think that he was accomplished, that he should be proud of anything he’s achieved. The ambition that drove every fiber of his being was smothered and the false hope he used to ignite it, did nothing. Everything in existence would die because he was a weak, dumb kid. 

“We’ll just keep trying.” She replied, an odd lilt in her voice. “You can’t expect to master time jumps in only a couple of months when it took you nearly ten years to spatial jump accurately.”

He turned to glare at her optimism, “I don’t  _ have  _ ten years. There’s only seventeen and who knows how long it will take to find the cause to the apocalypse and then come up with a plan to stop it. All of this depends on  _ me.”  _ He swallowed hard, the crushing reality of his responsibility, numbing him. 

“It depends on  _ all  _ of us. You aren’t alone in this.” Her hand was on his, squeezing. 

He looked away from her reassuring gaze, losing the fiery panic from before, “I will be if I can’t jump back. And I don’t see how anyone can help me learn to jump through time.” 

“Then just tell me about it. Sometimes talking out loud about things can help me.” She was being so calm about everything. Maybe that’s what happened when you were ordinary. 

He sighed. “What do you want me to tell you about?”

“About how time jumps work.” Her mouth was set in a firm line. As much as he wanted her to be able to help him, he knew deep down that it was all up to him.

“They’re like my spatial jumps but much more complicated.” She nodded, urging him to speak more. He sighed again. “When I jump through space, I can just move to where I want to be. Jumping through time is a completely different plane of existence.”

“Why?” She asked, now seeming more invested in what he was saying.

“Because moving through time means that I have to move faster than the speed of light. When I move through space, I’m just moving between dimensions. They’re different skill sets.” 

“I thought you said Einstein had a theory about  _ spacetime _ .” She said the words and held two fingers up, pressed together. He stared at her. She was listening when he was talking about his theory of relativity. 

“I did.” He said, simply.

“Why did he put them together into one word if they’re completely different?”

He was a little embarrassed at himself for trying to sound smart by babbling about things he didn’t think she understood, when she actually did. “They  _ are _ different but one can’t exist without the other. Like, you can’t be at a place without being there at a certain time. They’re relative…” He blinked and there was the smallest piece of understanding that wasn’t quite big enough for him to grab. It was teasing him at the very edge of his mind.

Vanya seemed to notice that he was on the verge of realization, so she questioned, “Why doesn’t that work with your powers? You have the ability to move in space  _ and  _ time. Can’t you just put them together?” 

“What…” He mouthed, staring intently at her but not really seeing her. It was so obvious. He was applying Einstein’s theories to his equations, not his powers. Why didn’t he think that his powers literally represented the concepts of  _ time and space _ ? He reached out and grabbed it.

He suddenly stood up, Vanya following his lead. “So if I use my space traveling ability  _ with  _ my time traveling, it should bring me to where and  _ when  _ I want to be.” He stared at her wide-eyed again. How did she figure it out so quickly? “Vanya, you’re brilliant.” He blurted, grinning widely. He took her shoulders and placed a hard kiss right in the middle of her forehead. It was mostly on the top of her bangs, strands of hair pulling free of his lips when he leaned back to admire the shock he caused to melt into an excited smile. It sparked the dull ambition he had been struggling to bring back into the light, with a bright flare. 

“Let’s try it.” He said, eager to feel hope again. 

She nodded, holding the stopwatch up enthusiastically. 

“See you in a minute.” He quipped, winking and feeling even more pride swell at the sight of her flushed cheeks. His tiredness had almost completely disappeared with the thrill of his new discovery. His eyes slid shut as he reached out for the energy of a spatial jump, he didn’t want to jump yet, so he held it, roaring in his fists. Then, the burst of time. He felt it drape over the spatial power and it took him a moment to familiarize himself with the sensation. It was too long, and he lost them. He didn’t even open his eyes when the light disappeared. He was ready to try again.

He cloaked himself first with the planes of space, then the movement of time. The vague memory of Vanya’s metronome ticked in his head as the equations overlapped, constantly changing, leaving him behind until he matched the pace, adjusting the numbers. “ _ Steady…”  _ he told himself, forcing himself to slow down and find one minute… sixty seconds… sixty thousand milliseconds… he needed to be precise. Then, like the power knew before he did, everything dropped into place and it consumed him. It was as before when he jumped into the future. He just stepped and he was in the time  _ and  _ place he commanded. 

Vanya had taken a step forward during the minute he was absent, diligently awaiting his return to signal stopping the watch. Blue reflected in her wide eyes as she clicked the button. Her face broke into a giant grin as she jumped forward to startle him with jolting hug.

“You did it! It was a minute! I knew you could do it!” She chirped in his ear. He returned her hug, mashing them together until it was uncomfortable. He didn’t even care.

“I couldn’t have done it without your genius brain!” His happiness grew at the sound of her giggle and excited breath next to his cheek. If he had been successful in any other environment, he didn’t think he would act this way. Vanya’s reaction was so unfiltered and lively. And very contagious. So much that he didn’t want to let go of her. She didn’t seem to be signaling her withdrawal either, still holding his neck tightly. 

“I’m so proud of you, Five.” She whispered, now a softness in her voice. 

He snuggled further into her hair, not wanting the blush she caused to be seen. His word was muffled, “Thanks.” 

They stayed like that for awhile, like they had been wanting to hold each other for a long time. He didn’t ever want to let go. It felt weird to want that from Vanya. Would he want that from any of his other siblings? Allison? He almost cringed at the thought. Vanya was different from them. But how?

Again, the bud of an idea was opening but he couldn’t quite catch the scent of it yet. He was confused, but satisfied at the moment and didn’t want to think about it any longer. 

Their embrace was interrupted with the sound of the Umbrella Academy returning from their mission. They reluctantly let each other go, smiling shyly. He felt so strange. The sense of euphoria still pumped through his veins thickly. Perhaps he should blame it on that. But, again, he didn’t want to linger on it, because he felt good for the first time in months.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry if there are a lot of errors or things don't make sense. I just finished it and it is waaaaay passed my bedtime lol. I wanted this chapter to move the story along a little more. I'm hoping there will only be a few more chapters left... we'll see! I tend to draw things out so that may be wildly inaccurate. :D   
> Love as always to everyone following this story and the lovelies who leave me such positive comments. I can't thank you all enough <3  
> GOOD NIGHT :)


	22. Not like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I didn't make anyone wait too much. So much for following the schedule I've been (actually successful in) keeping for the last month! I'm sorryyyy! I hope you enjoy this chapter, it was really fun to write! :)

Ever since the night Vanya used Five’s breathing to quiet the feelings that had the tendency of bringing out the worst in her, she was compelled to exercise it. She found comfort in knowing she found a strategy that specifically kept her from losing control. The thought of hurting one of her siblings because her medicine wasn’t strong enough to keep her in check, made her almost obsessive over honing this new skill. There weren’t any recent confrontations that gave her the opportunity to apply it, but she practiced anyway. She wanted to explore the peculiar pressure in her chest again, but had no success.

She even researched some calming techniques in the Academy’s library, wanting to delve deeper into the subject. However, the only suggestions the lone book she managed to procure, were detailed in breathing patterns and using a particularly pleasant or comforting memory as an escape. She attempted to implement them, wondering if the professionally sourced material had more credibility than her made up method. Of course, she deemed them beneficial, but found that listening to monotonous sound soothed her to a level of tranquility she had never felt. Besides, the only memories that brought her true comfort were the few that included genuine happiness created by togetherness with her siblings and being with Five. 

The memory of actually helping Five reach his goal with jumping through time a couple of days ago was bittersweet. It brought her to a level of purpose she never thought she could obtain with her superpowered siblings. After all, she was just ordinary. She wasn’t incredibly smart or gifted in any way. When she was present in their training, she never contributed anything useful. Not that Dad would let her. Somehow, she recalled all of Five’s rambling about Einstein’s theory of relativity and pulled something from it she didn’t expect to be of any significance. Instead, Five found meaning and she pushed him to clarity. She was overjoyed when he was successful. So much that she hugged him and didn’t want to let go. In that moment of fulfilment for both of them, she realized what it meant for Five. Not that he finally found success after so long, when he was so accustomed to meeting his goals impressively quick, but that his progression meant he was closer to leaving for the future. And so she clung to him like he would disappear at any moment. 

Since then, he was in higher spirits and seemed to be putting effort into spending time with their brothers. He was still subjected to their father’s orders, training alone and in his off time, doing whatever he did in his room for hours and then visiting her during violin practice. The chatter about his powers were becoming more hopeful, even if he still hadn’t been able to jump backward. He believed it would be only a matter of time with more work on his equations and to her delight, her “genius brain.” 

He even bragged about their collaborative discovery to the others. They were all very impressed and poked fun at Five, finally having leverage against his superiority complex. He only responded with jabs at their attention spans lasting no longer than a fruit fly. Her and Allison stood together, exchanging eye rolls at their continued conversation about other animals with short attention spans. They all came to the conclusion that Klaus was the winner, having changed the subject to a dream he had about a diarrhetic hippo. 

Allison hooked her arm through Vanya’s and steered her away to her bedroom. 

“Where are you two going?” Five called after them. Vanya glanced back to see him raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

“We’re going to have girl talk. We don’t want to hear anymore about explosive diarrhea.” She waved her hand dismissively, not even looking back. 

Vanya giggled a little and gave Five’s sharper gaze a weak smile. 

“Oh, he’ll be fine without you for like two minutes.” Allison teased, patting her arm. She blushed at the implication that they were always together.

They entered Allison’s room arm in arm. It was much larger than Vanya’s, holding a twin sized bed with a pretty floral comforter and a simple white headboard, with a matching dresser and vanity. Posters of superstars and singers plastered the walls, barely allowing the lavender paint underneath to peek through. There were some clothes strewn on the floor near her closet that she hurriedly swiped and threw in her hamper. 

Her mouth was set in a hard line. “Klaus really needs to find someone else’s closet to raid.” She looked at Vanya and smiled, “Though I don’t think anyone else has his taste in clothes.” Her sister motioned for her to sit on the bed as she followed, flopping unceremoniously beside her, "You should ask Mom to buy you some clothes, so you have something to wear other than these awful uniforms." 

She laughed at the silly face Allison made and shrugged, "I don't really need any other clothes. I don't go anywhere other than here and Griddy's every once in awhile." 

Allison squinted at her, reaching out to touch the ends of her hair, "I think you should think about it. The next time we go to Griddy's, please let me dress you! It's nice to have a change, and besides," she parted Vanya's hair and began braiding it, looking up to grin, "when we finally get to leave this place, you need to have some sort of fashion sense to survive in the world!" 

Vanya smiled shyly, enjoying the attention she got from her sister. "I could try, I guess. As long as it's you dressing me and not Klaus." They both snickered and fell into silence as Allison finished braiding that strand of hair. Vanya could sense Allison's mood shift to something more sad, as she pinched the braid to keep it together. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, noticing a tear sneak down her cheek. 

Allison glanced up, her eyelashes wet. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said that night. I realize it's been awhile since then, but Luther reminded me that you probably don't remember the first time I tried to say sorry when…" she paused, eyebrows scrunched together, "you were drugged up." 

Vanya touched the other girl's hand, pulling it from her hair to hold it. "It's okay, Allison." She also felt guilty about that night, "I'm sorry, too." 

Allison suddenly glared at her, clasping their hands together harder, "Why would you be sorry? You didn't do anything! I was the jerk that finally pushed you too far when you were already struggling with other things -" She choked on her words, bowing her head. 

The guilt dug in deeper as she realized what her sister was trying to say. "Allison, no. Please don't think that I overdosed myself because of what you said." There were tears in her eyes now in anticipation of voicing the disappointment in herself  _ again.  _ "I did it because I was angry at myself." Allison looked up with teary confusion, "I was mad -," she corrected herself, "I  _ am _ mad at myself for not being able to help keep you all safe. That I don't have the power to do anything. To save you all in the future." She let out a breath, her chest not as constricted as it would be after every other time she expressed this very deep part of her that she could never change, that she resented more than anything about herself. Then she added, recalling the fear in her sister’s eyes, “A-and I’m sorry for yelling at you and scaring you. I’m working on keeping myself calm when I’m upset so I don’t hurt anybody.”

Allison stopped crying but maintained her confusion, “It’s okay to be angry, Vanya. You were scary but that’s what happens when you’re pushed too much.” Her eyes had fallen to stare at the floor, then snapped back up insistently, "Vanya, you got the idea that you can’t help us from me. From what I said to you about Five not being able to find you because you were hiding." 

Vanya was shaking her head before she even finished, "Allison, I've felt like this my whole life. It doesn't matter if it's an apocalypse, or a burglar, or someone else trying to hurt you, I can't do anything to protect you. And I need to accept that I'm -" She swallowed, willing her voice not to shake and failing, "I'm just ordinary." 

Allison blinked rapidly as if she remembered something. She cocked her head in thought but seemed to only muddle her expression. She noticed Vanya's concern and shook her head apologetically, "I'm sorry, you said something that was like a deja vu, but I can't remember." 

Allison frowned and took a breath, "Vanya, you  _ are _ ordinary. But in the best way." She smiled at her surely doubtful look, "You aren't expected to save the world, but you will be one of the people who are doing everything you can to. I don't know if you'll be an EMT or firefighter when you grow up, but you'll be one of the few good people who put themselves in danger for the greater good. There aren't many people like that, but I've seen them every once in awhile when we're on a mission. They're the ones keeping people calm so we can do our jobs. We _ need  _ people like you, Vanya." 

Allison leaned forward and hugged her tightly. It was a reassurance to solidify the truth in her words. She had never been on a mission with them or witnessed any dangerous event, so Allison's words carried more validity since she had the experience. Five had tried to convince her of the same thing but was more dismissive. She knew he meant well but he thought too highly of her to be as serious about it as she was. 

Allison was known in their household to not exactly be genuine. With her power to back her up, she learned quickly that it was easy to be manipulative. Eventually, Father found himself being rumored too many times and banned the use of her ability outside of training and missions. This hug was Allison’s way of desperately showing Vanya that she was being truthful.

“Thanks, Allison. That makes me feel better.” It really did. Though, she didn’t know if it was her sister using her experience to show her she could be useful in the world as an ordinary person, or her sister’s effort in trying to comfort her because she cared. Either way, she allowed herself to be happy in the moment. 

“I understand why Five loves you so much, now.” Allison said in Vanya’s ear, snuggling against her cheek.

Vanya blinked in surprise at Allison’s choice of words. “What?” she breathed. 

Allison pulled away but stayed close with her hands on Vanya’s shoulders. “C’mon, Vanya. You two are nearly inseparable. And I thought my teeth were going to rot with how sweetly he was talking about you helping him with his power. You guys are so cute!” She shrugged her shoulders up to her ears and squealed happily. 

“Love me? Like -” She thought her cheeks were melting with the amount of heat in them. 

Allison rolled her eyes, grinning, “Yes, silly. Like more than a sister.”

“But, we’re family -”

“Vanya, we’re as much brothers and sisters as kids growing up in an orphanage together.” She huffed. "Besides, I love Luther more than a brother. Does that make me weird?" Allison blushed prettily, much nicer than what Vanya probably looked. They had never discussed their relationship before, so Allison made it seem like she was revealing some big secret. 

Vanya thought she should act surprised, but she didn't think of it in time and only shook her head, frantically saying, "No! You guys aren't weird. I've always thought you two were perfect together."

Allison's blush deepened, more into Vanya's territory. "You know?" She replied, surprised. 

Vanya recalled the little glances and secret smiles Luther would exchange with Allison, thinking no one would connect the dots. Now it was her turn to tease her sister. 

“You two aren’t as sneaky as you think.” She smirked. Allison looked taken aback by her response. Almost scandalized to Vanya’s amusement.

“Does everyone know?” She asked in horror.

Vanya laughed. “Pretty much.” 

She sighed in dismay, covering her face with her hands. “Oh my god.” 

“No one thinks it’s weird, Allison.” She reassured her sister, feeling a little bad for poking fun at her.

She peeked through her fingers, a smile in her voice, “I suppose that means you shouldn’t feel weird about loving Five more than a brother. Even if I have no idea what you see in him. His hair is pretty great, but that’s about it.” She allowed the quirk in her eyebrow to peek through her fingers suggestively. 

Vanya didn’t know how to respond to her comment about his hair so she stuttered, “I-I don’t  _ love  _ him like that. I l-love,” she stumbled over the word, blush creeping up her neck again, “him like I love all of you.” 

Allison dropped her hands, rolling her eyes dramatically, “Really, Vanya? You love him the same way you love me?” 

That made her pause. Now she was comparing the way she felt about Five to everyone in the house. It certainly didn’t feel the same with Diego or Luther. But Klaus, Ben, and Allison were closer. Though not the same either. 

“Maybe I’m just closer to him.” She reasoned out loud. 

Allison gave her a look, “Vanya, that’s what it means to be in love with someone. You’re closer to them than anyone else. Like, your best friend, but better…” A mischievous grin spread across her face, “Because you want to kiss them, too.” 

Vanya’s jaw dropped in shock. The first thought that sprang to the front of her head was Five kissing her cheek and her heart nearly leaped from her throat. 

“You’re so cute!” Allison laughed heartily, poking her fingers into Vanya’s shoulder playfully. “I bet you haven’t even been kissed. I mean, when have we ever had the opportunity, living in this house?” 

Vanya gasped. Now it was her turn to cover her face in embarrassment.

“Oh. My. God. Vanya! Have you been kissed?” Her sister exclaimed loudly. Vanya reached for her face, shushing her maniacal laughter. 

“H-He just kissed me on the cheek!” Her eyes widened with another memory bubbling to the surface, “A-and on the f-forehead.” She squeaked, staring at her sister’s excessive glee.

Allison took her hands from her sister’s face and clutched them to her own chest in excitement. “You  _ have  _ to tell him now! He’s totally in love with you!” 

“B-b-but I don’t know how I feel yet!” Her voice was still two octaves too high. The conversation swirling around in her head hazardously. 

Allison’s eyes widened, a thought occurring to her. “Vanya, you have to tell him before he leaves!” Then, she sighed wistfully, a dreamy look in her eyes, “This is the most  _ romantic  _ thing  _ ever. _ ” 

Vanya gasped, “Allison!” She got the same flutter at the bottom of her stomach as she did when she read affectionate scenes between characters in her books. 

“It’s  _ so romantic, _ Vanya! If you don’t share the way you feel, you’ll regret it, maybe forever. He might not come back, and you’ll never be able to tell him.” Vanya lowered her eyes sadly at the idea of never seeing Five again, “But!” she exclaimed, lowering their hands from her chest, catching Vanya’s attention again, “If he comes back, you can have a super adorable reunion because you will already know how you feel about each other.” 

The thought of not having Five nearby or even in the same year as her, lingered dangerously. It was something she had shoved to the back of her mind knowing it would come to haunt her eventually. 

"I don't know." She replied to her sister's enthusiasm. "I still don't know how I feel." 

Vanya could sense Allison was catching on to her dark thoughts and squeezed her hand. "He'll come back, Vanya. If he made it back once, he can do it again." She smiled softly, "If Five is anything, he's stubborn." 

That urged a small nod from Vanya. She said, "Thanks, Allison. For talking to me about -" she paused to give her a shy smile, "stuff." 

Her sister hugged her around the neck again. "We should do this more often. It was fun." She bounced away, reaching for a magazine on the floor, "Next time, we can look at our horoscopes in J-14!" 

She flipped through the bright, neon shades of the magazine, photos of people with different colored hair flashed by too fast for her to even think about recognizing any of them. Not that she would. But for her sister's sake, she nodded with a little more excitement. 

As they said their farewells for the night, Vanya did her best to not show how overwhelmed she was by the discussed topic. In fact, she could hear him chattering loudly from Diego’s room along with, what sounded like, all four of their other brothers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was honestly so much fun to write because Allison is so devious and Vanya is so innocent. HAHAHA  
> What did you think about their bonding moment? Naturally, it turned to talking about boys so we'll see how Vanya handles it ;)  
> I've gotten some comments about Vanya's powers/medication and how they aren't exactly canon. I don't know much detail into her powers so I'm kind of putting my own twist on them, giving it a little more depth for future chapters. I haven't read the comics so maybe there's more explanation there ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I could always use more ideas if you have them!   
> Thankyouthankyouthankyou so much for the support! <3


	23. Revelations and Tribulations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long enough to be two chapters (actually more!) but I couldn't bring myself to split it up... you'll understand. I hope it was worth the wait! *eyebrow waggle*

Five snickered to himself as he shut the door to his room, hearing Klaus continue to babble loudly from his bedroom and Ben telling him to shut up, because he didn’t want to get in trouble. He shook his head replaying the last half hour in amusement. After Allison dragged Vanya away, Diego declared a “guys talk,” mocking Allison’s uppity excuse for leaving. 

All of the boys crammed themselves in Diego’s room. Luther was reluctant to join but was met with a barrage of complaints about their leader never spending time with the team. They all played off of each other, drowning him with guilt until he submitted to their requests. However, Luther was immediately regretful of his decision to stay when Diego revealed magazines he had hidden along the lining of his mattress. Girls in bikinis and scantily clad women crowded the pages with pouty looks and smiles with too white teeth. 

Diego was as proud of his collection as a mother would be with her babies. He explained the hardships he went through to acquire them, which mostly consisted of sneaking out with Klaus and having him distract the gas station cashier while he shoved them in his shirt. Luther was horrified to discover his brothers were a duo of thieves, and stood to leave. As he reached for the door, Five reminded him that if he opened the door, there was the possibility of the girls catching a glimpse of what they were _all_ looking at. He didn’t think Luther’s face could get any redder, but they all laughed, knowing now they had some leverage against their Number One. 

Then, Klaus and Diego showed off their favorite models. Five and Ben sat cross legged beside each other, doing their best not to laugh, as if they were students listening to their teacher. It seemed to please Diego as he began to show off his preferred lady. Diego’s was an unnaturally tanned lady with disproportionate areas of interest sheathed in a pink that hurt Five’s eyes. The magazine was unceremoniously knocked to the floor by Klaus’s impatient hands, eliciting Diego to whine loudly about ruining its near mint condition. The magazine Klaus held up was an easily accessible teen issue that looked like he stole it from Allison’s room. There were bright, irritating colors painting the pages again, but instead of a cute blond girl as any outsider would expect, a guy with a similar appearance lounged across the double-spread. If the girl Diego pined over was interpreted as a man, Klaus’s pick would be it. He pointed out the, “scrumptious booty,” “abs so defined he could grill a steak,” and “smile so bright, he needed sunglasses.” 

Luther commented that he didn’t know Klaus liked guys, which was in invitation for Klaus to passionately explain the benefits of liking men over women. Luther searched the others’ for an escape but wasn’t given one, to all of their satisfaction. It was about time Luther was exposed to something in the world that wasn’t filtered through their father. 

To be honest, this wasn’t the first time Diego shared his collection with his brothers. Luther had never been included because Diego didn't believe his beloved library would be appreciated by their “asshole” brother. 

Five had paged through and satisfied his curiosity awhile ago. There was only so much a picture of a girl could tell a kid who had never been intimate in any way to one. Besides, he knew those women weren't the real kind he would meet in the world. They seemed rigid and cold anyway, so he didn't allow his thoughts to linger on them long. Diego had a rude awakening waiting for him when he would leave the academy. 

There were more important things to worry about now; like the end of the world. It wasn't worth thinking about his future with a girl, because there wasn't one. There weren’t any opportunities for him to interact with girls outside of the academy, anyway. The only time he even saw them was after completing a mission and the Umbrella Academy’s fans would scream and shout their names. If anything, that deterred him from having any desire to pursue a girl. They were too loud and unnecessarily dramatic about everything in their life. Maybe they could be different in a setting where he wasn’t perceived as a celebrity, but he didn’t have the time for that nonsense. Again, he had the ending of all life on earth to worry about.

This line of thought was almost refreshing compared to the darkness of his current reality. Maybe it was okay to distract himself sometimes. Vanya’s company and violin practice usually gave him some respite. Though, it wasn’t necessarily distracting, just calming. All of the rambunctious antics he experienced with his brothers was different. There was no way he could think about anything serious with all of their loud, pubescent topics. He hadn’t done that with them for quite awhile. Too long, actually. He decided he needed their occasional company to keep some of his sanity. However, too much could be detrimental to his health.

He readied himself for bed, bidding his equations farewell for the night, and ignoring the nagging from the side of him that was unhindered by raging hormones. “ _Let me have tonight.”_ He reasoned, then promised, _“I’ll get back to being a serious time traveler tomorrow.”_

He jumped to Vanya’s room. It was becoming muscle memory at this point to just go there. The jumbled, maniac writing on his walls that started during Vanya’s recovery weren’t something he was willing to share with anyone yet. 

And as if they lived the same scene over and over each night, Vanya flinched in surprise at his arrival. 

“Five!” She complained, covering her face with the book in her hands. Her bangs settled over the top, wedging itself in the pages. 

He found so much satisfaction in evoking these little reactions out of Vanya. He had no idea she was even capable of such dynamic responses. He was beginning to realize she wasn’t the same person as before he left for the apocalypse. 

He grinned and jumped again, purposely landing a few inches above her bed to bounce beside her, crossing his legs. She made a startled squeaking sound, nearly tipping over with the force of her jolt. She settled on her elbow, breathing hard and leaning away from him at this point. 

“ _Five!_ What is wrong with you?” She grumbled, still hiding behind the cover of her book, “I almost papercut my eye!” 

A laugh bubbled up from deep in his belly, not for the first time in the night. It felt good. 

She peeked over the top of the book at him, a smile in her eyes, “Seriously, Five. Are you feeling okay?” 

The laugh died down enough for him to force his face into a sudden scowl, catching her off guard and startling a similar, deep laugh from Vanya. “Am I not capable of laughing?” 

Her book was still up, muffling her giggle, and he wanted nothing more than to listen to it forever. So, when an idea came to him, he smirked wickedly, causing her laugh to end abruptly as she began to say his name in suspicion. She wasn’t even given a chance to finish before he jumped to her side and tickled under her ears, eliciting wild laughter to burst from her. Her book dropped to her face and slid off as she fell on her back, pushing at his hands desperately. To his delight, her cheeks were a deep red.

She was weak compared to the strength he built from training, so her attempts were useless. “Five!” she gasped, between her uncontrollable giggling, “Please! I can’t breathe!” 

He stopped, only long enough to say, “Vanya, there’s no reason to yell. Honestly.” And watched as a scowl shaded her bright eyes in determination. Before he could continue his torture, he grunted as her hands grabbed his sides and pushed him back, the power of her shove knocked the air out of his diaphragm, and he landed on his back with her to his side, swapping their positions. Despite the lack of oxygen in his lungs, he still felt impressed with her strong counterattack. Maybe playing the violin exercised more muscles than he expected. 

The action knocked his hands away from her and she pinched his sides ruthlessly. Before he could move to grab her hands away, he laughed as loudly as she did moments ago, the sensation of his muscles twitching in uncomfortable pleasure, urging it out of him. 

“S-stop!” he gasped, pulling her hands away so he could breathe. She pushed at him, their fingers linked, making it impossible for her to get any closer to his vulnerable sides again.

As she continued to struggle against him, she smiled slyly through heavy breaths that lingered between them. Then, mocked him with his previous comment, “Yeah, Five. There’s no reason to yell.” 

Something in her voice and the way she looked down on him with bright, unfiltered mischief, made him think she looked cute. She had the expression so many of the models in Diego’s magazines attempted, but Five didn’t think were appealing. They were trying too hard, and it made him uncomfortable to look at for too long. Right then, Vanya could teach those girls a thing or two about being a real girl. His heart pumped harder with the prospect that Vanya was a _real girl._ He never really thought of her like that because she was just Vanya. 

When he was around Allison, his brain made it clear that with all the fussing over her appearance and the relationship she had with Luther, that she was obviously a girl. Not the kind he ever wanted to be around. Vanya, on the other hand…

He studied the wetness in her eyes from the earlier labors of laughing, admiring the way it set fire to the amber in her irises and her dark eyelashes framed it in a happy squint as she glanced down at him. She was looking right at him. No one else. Heat crept up his neck, burning his ears. 

“I’ll take that as a win, then.” She said, with a satisfied grin. She wiggled her fingers in his, bringing him out of his thoughts, but making him very aware of their current position.

He cleared his throat, wiggling his fingers back at her, pushing toward her face, “I demand a rematch.” 

Again, she giggled, turning her face away. This time she graced him with that pleasing sound, it reached him all the way to his toes, setting fire to his nerves mercilessly. 

“Maybe when it’s a fair fight. No surprise attacks.” She replied, scrutinizing him. 

He had this terrible feeling that she could read his mind, so he turned to look up at the ceiling, bringing her hands down, one along his ribs, the other between them. He wasn’t keen on releasing her yet. 

“We’ll see.” He considered, pursing his lips. Then he remembered something he planned to ask out of pure curiosity when he saw her tonight. “What did you and Allison talk about?” He was still staring at her ceiling, following a whole cluster of cracks, leading chaotically from the wall to the opposite side of the room. He vaguely thought, _“This mansion is falling apart.”_

When she didn’t say anything, assuming she didn’t hear him, he turned back to her, ready to ask again. Her face was tight and her eyes wide, gazing directly _at him_ again. The blush she originally fashioned had spread to her ears and down her neck. 

She snapped her eyes to the wall behind him to his relief, knowing his own embarrassment that died down, flared back up with her change in mood. 

“Uh, we just talked about girl things.” She said, her voice seemed deeper than normal. 

“What are girl things?” He asked suspiciously. Trying to imagine Allison and Vanya looking at the type of magazines they did, was a very unsettling and thrilling idea. Did Vanya think about guys the way they did with girls? 

She blinked rapidly, her voice rising higher than her normal range, “Um, Allison just apologized to me for what she said that night before I took my medicine.”

Maybe Vanya was actually upset and that’s why she was acting so weird. His boyish thoughts cooled and he asked, “Did it go okay?”

Finally, she met his eyes again. He was feeling back to normal, blaming his previous behavior and inappropriate speculations on the company he held earlier in the night. Still, he yearned to be near her.

“I think so. She really didn’t mean what she said and she made me feel better about some stuff, too.” A warm smile touched her lips and he immediately spiraled back into his previous state. They looked soft. 

He took a breath, steadying himself. “That’s good, I guess. It’s hard for me to imagine Allison actually trying to help someone without benefiting from it in some way.” 

“Five.” She said his name like she was scolding him. He was beginning to believe that was his favorite word out of Vanya’s mouth. “She was being honest. I think she’s trying to change.” 

He rolled his eyes. He didn’t have a lot of faith in Allison’s ability to be sincere. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” He scoffed, earning a deeper look from Vanya. “What did she say to you, anyway?”

He watched as her hard expression melted away. “She already apologized for it. So it doesn’t need to be talked about anymore.” 

He sighed, loudly. He really wanted to know what Allison said. He knew it must have been bad if neither wanted to fess up. 

“Oh, stop.” She maintained her previous softness and poked his side with their joined hands. “If you said something to me you regretted, you wouldn’t want me to tell everyone.”

“True.” He considered, annoyed at her natural ability to forgive and forget. She was always such a good person. “But,” he added airily, “I would never say anything to you I regret, so we would never have that problem.” 

She paused. “Do you promise?” she asked, softly. It took him a moment to process her words. He believed she had changed so much, but he needed to remember she was still Vanya. She wanted assurance that the people she loved wouldn’t hurt her. 

He swallowed, fighting the urge to touch her face and replace the pain in her eyes with trust. “Of course, I do.” His words came out more gruff than he intended, and he blushed again. Pretty soon he wouldn’t have blood anywhere else in his body. 

He watched as her fingers squirmed their way out of his hold from his chest and fell out of his view when they reached his hair. He didn’t think he could become more abashed, but the light pull as her fingertips gently combed through his strands, made his eyes feel like they would boil from the heat in his face. 

“V-Vanya?” he said, his voice cracking to his utter shame. Damn his underdeveloped vocal cords. 

Her eyes stayed trained on his bangs as she asked, her voice calm, “Have you ever been k-” Then, as if the words acted as an incantation to snap her out of the spell she was under, she stuttered, “I-I mean, have you ever t-talked to Luther about Allison? About how they l-love each other more than family?”

He lay frozen under her touch, afraid that if he moved too much he would scare her away. Being on his back made him feel vulnerable in every way. The question was still floating around in his head, waiting to be comprehended as she moved to stroke the side of his head. It took everything in him not to close his eyes and sigh. _What in the world was happening?_

Finally, he found the word to her answer, “No.” As soon as it left his mouth the question processed. _Love? Was she implying what he thought she was implying?_

She followed up quickly, as if anticipating his answer, “Do you think it’s weird for them to love each other? If we’re supposed to be brother and sister?” She seemed to regain the composure she had before while her fingers distracted him. But he caught the slip in her choice of words and felt his heart nearly explode. 

He spoke too quickly, too high pitched, “Um. No. I don’t think it’s weird. None of us are technically blood-related or sharing the same DNA and that’s the only reason it would be taboo. Babies with multiple arms are generally frowned upon.” He laughed weakly, kicking himself for his dumb attempt at lifting some tension. _Babies? Why was he talking about babies?_

She frowned, keeping her eyes diligently on his hair. Maybe she was expecting a different response. He couldn’t think straight with her so close to him and the idea that they were talking about _love_ together had his blood pumping so loudly in his ears, he could barely hear himself talking. 

“Why do you ask?” he inquired, doing his best to feign disinterest.

Her fingers brushed the top of his ear as she continued to move in a soothing motion against his scalp. He was slowly realizing that her decision to fidget with his hair was satisfying her nervous habit and he wanted to somehow encourage it _whenever_ she was anxious. He watched as she visibly gulped and said lamely, “I was just wondering what you thought.” 

He glared at her cheap excuse for questioning him on this type of subject. The pragmatist in him needed a better reason. 

He scowled. “Hmm. Because it seems like there is more to this than just wondering what I thought.” His hair continued to hold her quiet gaze. He didn’t want her to stop touching him, but her determination to only look at his hair was getting in the way of his interrogation. He needed to know.

He removed her hand from his head softly, so as to not make her think he didn’t like it, and rolled so he could mirror her, propped up on his elbow. She was startled by the movement, leaning away from his closeness, continuing to avert her eyes. He was feeling ornery again, the excitement of her motives pushing him forward so he was only a few inches from her face. 

“ _Vanyaaa_?” He drew her name out, watching how uncomfortable it was making her. Now it was his turn. “Do I need to tickle it out of you?” He threatened, moving so close he caught a whiff of her apple scented shampoo again. 

Her lashes batted anxiously, “Five!” she whined, setting him on edge, “It was just something Allison and I were talking about!” Her face was turned as far from him as possible without falling off the bed, her eyes now squeezed shut. He was beginning to feel a little bad, knowing he was probably making her anxiety really terrible at this point, especially by taking away her hands' restless movements, locked down by his own. 

So, he leaned away in disappointment. “Whatever. I guess I’m not important enough to know.”

She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, the redness in her cheeks illuminating the white of her eyes hesitantly. 

"If it was important I would tell you. You know that." 

He regarded her for a moment before sighing in defeat. Whatever it was, she would tell him eventually. 

He flopped back onto the bed, impatience budding in his mind. "Fine," he pouted. He didn't know what he wanted out of her but the feeling of wanting more and more over the last few weeks was registering. All the warmth and careful support he's been given by her was growing as an attraction to her. Like, _love_ attraction. He always wanted to be near her. For instance, right then, he wanted to hug her. Or even kiss her and feel with his lips how hot she could get. 

He glared at the ceiling again, intent on not giving in to his urges, surprising himself with his slow revelation. It was as if it was only loitering in the back of his mind, waiting for just a little more contact or a little more reason to look at her longer. 

"We should go to bed." She said suddenly, moving to stand. His processing was delayed once again, and her hands were gone from his before he could trap them. 

The light went off, followed by her return. Her room was small enough that her absence was only for a few seconds, even if it was still too long for him. 

"Are you taking the inside tonight?" Her voice questioned from the dark silhouette floating beside the bed. 

He cleared his throat, understanding now that he was still sprawled across the bed. In a quick maneuver he was under the blanket, and out of the way. 

"If you don't mind. I'm kind of cold tonight." He lied, liking the thought of being confined between her and the wall.

A shuffle later, and she was occupying the space beside him. "Are you feeling okay?" He couldn’t see her knuckles approach as they brushed his cheek shyly. It was probably for the better, so she couldn’t see him flutter his eyes shut in contentment either. This was what he wanted. 

He hummed to reassure her worry, unable to trust the state of his voice. Their combined body heat made them seem closer than they were, but her touch lured him in like a fish enticed by a shiny object. Whether it was dangerous or not, didn’t matter to him at the moment. So, he brashly scooted closer until the air they breathed was the same. Her fingers unfurled like a delicate flower against his face, and trailed a timid path to the place where his jaw and neck met. They rested there, applying the slightest amount of pressure. He forced his eyes to remain shut, wanting to possibly record the sensation in his memory for safe keeping. It was delightful. 

Though, her next move was even more enchanting. She inched toward him until her lips found the corner of his mouth. Again, the contact was just enough to leave a lasting impression. Enough for him to catch the tiniest sound of her lips placing the kiss and enough for the moistness left behind to cool and dry to his own lips.

He wanted so badly to lean in to the kiss, and let her know that he felt the same, but there was apprehension behind her action. Like, she was worried that she was making the right decision. He even had the smuggest feeling that she was aiming for his cheek and caught his mouth instead. The satisfaction of getting what he wanted, the experience of her lips, was overshadowed by guilt. He didn't want to push her into something she wasn't ready for or didn't like. His heart fell at the thought of her not wanting him like he wanted her, but knew he cared about her enough that he would respect her. So, he restrained himself for the hundredth time that night. 

She settled back into the pillow, keeping the proximity from before and breathed, "Good night, Five." 

He was pleased by the fact that she kept her hand along his neck. However, this stirred a longing to reciprocate the affection, too. He searched for her other hand and found it between their pillows. He recovered it and rotated, bringing it comfortably flush against his lips. It was a tender kiss but purposeful, and perhaps a little too long. But, her faint sigh relieved his worries and furthered his desire for more. 

Despite his urges, he reluctantly pulled her hand away and nestled it between them again. “Good night, Vanya.” He whispered to her. There was no way to tell if this was a dream. If it was, it was the best one he had ever had. 

As he caught one last glimpse of the outline of her face, he wished to know what she was thinking. He may not know what Vanya was thinking, but he _did_ know she was softer and warmer than he imagined a real girl to be. 

~*~*~

In the morning, they were both startled awake by Mother’s voice. “Breakfast in five minutes, children!” 

Both of their eyes widened at the current situation. They slept in way too late, and they were very close to each other. In the darkness of the night, they could only gage their distance by how strong their breaths were on each other’s faces. But in the daylight, Five was close enough to spot the dusting of freckles he never knew existed on Vanya’s nose. So, he quickly pecked it with his lips and spatial jumped to the middle of her room before saying, “I’ll see you at breakfast.” And grinning at the startled twist of her body, he waited just long enough for her to smile shyly, confirming the events of last night to be true, and jumped the rest of the way to his room. 

His heart felt full enough to burst. The feelings between them didn’t change over night and he was almost positive they shared the same ones. Happiness bloomed in him, filling every crevice and dark pit it could find. He was already itching to see her again. 

At breakfast, the lightness and freedom of the night before lingered among everyone. Sir Reginald glared at their contentment like it was a highly contagious disease. They all snuck silly faces at each other when their father and Grace weren’t looking, stifling their giggles with napkins and mouths full of food. When Five finished eating, he seeked out Vanya’s hand. To his surprise, she had the same idea, bumping the tips of their fingers until they coordinated enough to grasp the other. He thanked his four-year-old self for choosing the chair next to hers so he had this opportunity. 

After breakfast, they were sent off to follow their designated schedules for the day. Grace plucked Vanya from the group, and hurried her up the staircase to her study room. Five jumped to his room in disappointment, bitter that he didn’t get to say anything to her before being separated. More resentment gnawed at him as he hopelessly stared at the walls around him. He was thrown back into the bane of his existence; the ending of the world. 

He sighed, and buried himself in his work again. However, throughout the day, his thoughts frequently strayed to the previous night, remembering Vanya’s kiss. His mouth twitched, the spot she chose tingling pleasurably. He couldn’t wait to see her again and maybe win another on the other side of his mouth. Or maybe directly on his mouth. That idea threw him down a rabbit hole he didn’t think he could escape, until Pogo called for him to meet his father in the gym for training. 

It went as usual. Instead of jumping one minute now, his father demanded he practice jumping backward in time by one minute. That seemed even more impossible than the previous challenge. His mind understood how jumping backward in time should work, but it required a different set of equations that were shorter but more complicated. He had to set them up so he was taking away the time he gained, as opposed to moving further and gaining more time. Again, the spatial part was easy enough, now that he knew to combine it with his time traveling, but to apply it to a new concept when he had only just learned traveling forward, was incredibly arduous. 

He lowered himself to one knee, knowing he would end up face planting if he didn’t. The Monocle only looked down at him in displeasure. 

“Number Five,” he addressed him, “you are not showing any progress with moving backward in time, and I am beginning to think you are not fully applying yourself.” 

He paused, as if waiting for Five to retaliate. This was the same argument they have had since he began working on reversing time. It was an exhausting conversation that would end with Five jumping back to his room in frustration or glaring at each other until Reginald became annoyed enough to send him away. It wasn’t a pep talk, like Five assumed his father was trying to do. It only eroded the confidence he had built up with Vanya’s help. When it happened everyday, everytime, Five practiced this particular skill, it wasn’t necessarily motivating. So today, he just wanted to be done. He wanted Reginald to finish tearing him apart, so he could see Vanya. 

“Tell me how you traveled back here.” He commanded, resting his arms behind him like a general. 

Five sighed. It really was the same conversation over and over. “I don’t know how I managed to get back here. I didn’t even have numbers in my head like I normally have set up, when it happened.” 

“What were you thinking about, then?”

Five blinked, surprised. That was a new question. “I was thinking about how badly I wanted to return. To see everyone again.” It was true. The desperation drowned him like boiling water, blistering him with memories of his family. 

Sir Reginald grumbled to himself, nodding. Five didn’t take that as a good sign. 

“Then, you must need to be under intense stress for it to function.” He paused, and cocked his head. “The human mind and body works wonders under extreme pressure. The apocalypse must have been the best environment for such conditions.” 

Five was confused on where he was going with his rambling. Would he suggest that Diego throw daggers at him while he attempts to jump back? Or for Ben to release his monsters? It wouldn’t be the first time Reginald pitted them against each other, pushing them to their limits. 

His father pursed his lips and nodded in finality. “I suppose the only option is for you to return to the future and allow it to aid in your jump back here. You have already wasted enough time as it is.”

Five must have been gawking, because he continued, “I believe we can have you prepared in three days.”

 _What?_ “I can’t.” He said, dumbly. Ash filled the room.

“There is no reason you can’t. You are capable of traveling to the apocalypse, so you will go.” His eyes pierced him with authority, daring Five to challenge him. 

“I don’t know how to get back here!” He shouted in desperation, sweat beading on his brow, the scent of charred bodies caressed his nose. “Why don’t you get that if I go there, I’ll be stuck there forever?!” 

His father blinked in disapproval, “ _If_ you go there, you have the opportunity to prevent the apocalypse. Save billions of people.” He countered, practically prying Five’s ribs open to expose his insides, twisted and guilty. “If you remain _here_ , you are doing nothing to ward off the end of the world. There is no reason for you to be here.”

Five stared wide eyed at the man who called himself their father. The man who is throwing a son into the desolation of a dead world, fully knowing that he may never return. That he will suffer _alone_ until he’s dead. 

All the previous warmth from his family and Vanya drained out of him until he felt like a cracked pitcher. Entirely empty of anything. No hope of filling himself with happiness ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOFTA! This chapter didn't take me very long to write, but it did take a lot of editing! I'm so sorry for being on the later end for posting it, but I hope you enjoyed it! Finally some cute fluffy stuff that is actually substantial. I loved writing the boys' "guy talk" and the stark difference it had with the girls'! Whenever my husband hangs out with his friends, he gets so rowdy and silly. Anyone else notice this with guys??  
> Hahaha anywayyy... please tell me what you thought in the comments! This is my first time writing a "kiss." Cheeks and forehead don't count ;) Also, I hope you don't hate me by the end of this chapter. I gave him so much happiness and then took it away. It really made me sad to do that. I had a lot of conflicting feelings about this chapter. I didn't want them to kiss yet, but it happened anyway. I didn't want to bring up that he had to leave yet, but I did anyway... This changed some things I had originally planned for future chapters, but I think I can make it work. I HOPE I can make it work.  
> Thank you so much for the support as always! YOU ARE ALL AMAZING <3


	24. Dead Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another long one! Enjoy!  
> (warning: there's some graphic content in this one)

Vanya’s day was agonizingly long. It didn’t help that she didn’t even get to say anything to Five before Grace stole her away. She wanted to make quick work of the lessons presented to her, but she found out quickly that the events of the previous night were much too distracting. She _kissed_ Five. On the mouth… kinda. She was aiming for his cheek, only wanting to test her theory. Did she love Five more than a brother? How would he react to a kiss? Instead, she undershot and found the corner of his mouth. Right in the spot that it would curl up in a smirk.

Her heart stuttered. “Vanya, dear. Are you feeling well today? You’ve been very red in the face.” Mother worried at her, brushing Vanya’s bangs back to press the back of her hand to her forehead. She was feeling a little lightheaded but it wasn’t from being sick.

“I-I’m alright, Mom. Maybe we could open a window and let some air in?” She suggested, meeting Grace’s eyes to assure her wellness. She obliged to the request and then left Vanya to the music theory practice she just assigned. 

Vanya let out a sigh when the door closed. There were so many things filling up her head that she couldn’t choose what to zone in on. But, she knew the common string that bundled them all together was Five and last night brought them closer. Closer than just brother and sister. Closer than she could imagine being to someone. 

She glanced out the window watching birds flash by, almost tweeting loud enough to drown out the noise of the city. Their chirps seemed disorderly and spontaneous, but when she closed her eyes, the sounds evened out and revealed a pattern. She managed to focus enough to locate the birds with the same calls and listen as they responded to each other. Ben had told her once that bird songs had only three purposes: attracting a mate, warding off enemies, or bonding with their young. She wondered what she was eavesdropping on. 

The pressure in the room changed and she pulled herself out of her steadying thoughts. Five stood near her desk, face shadowed in a severe scowl. She reached for his hand in concern, but he turned away. 

“He wants me to go back to the apocalypse in three days.” Five growled. She didn’t know if he was talking to himself or her, but she went cold at his words. Like she stepped into a blizzard with nothing but a scarf, managing to keep her face ablaze with disbelief. 

“What?” She breathed.

“He’s fucking insane. If I go, I won’t be able to return.” His voice shook with what she could only assume as anger by the expression on his face. “What kind of person sends someone into a world of death? There’s nothing there!” He was breathing hard, clenching and unclenching his fists. “If he had the option to go, he would still send me! He’s a fucking coward!” 

 She flinched from him, the denial and venom in his words were like shards of glass exploding from his mouth to rain down on her. She knew he wasn’t angry at her, but the harshness that dripped from him stung her anyway. 

He didn’t notice her shrink away. Though, she didn’t think he even knew he was in the same room as her anymore. “He can’t make me go,” he spit, “He can’t make me use my power and send me away just because I _disappointed_ him. He’s doing this to punish me.” He laughed, but there was no humor. It made her cringe. The memory of his genuinely free laughter from the night before contrasted almost painfully to her ears now. “What a piece of shit. He wants to use me as an example to everyone? Fine.” 

She tightened her grip on the pencil she forgot was in her hand, and stood. The scraping of the chair brought his attention to her. His eyes were wild. Burning blue flame, smoldering in defiance. Again, she fought the urge to shudder in remembrance of the night before when his eyes were so soft. Softer than she thought they could ever be. She wanted that back.

She walked to him, a breeze sneaking through the window to cool the tears in her eyes, making them apparent. The last words he spoke worried at her like a chisel to a stick. The contempt he held against their father was an overwhelming force. She knew. She had felt it consume her heart with not a chance of letting go before. The worst she felt it was when he insisted that Five remain isolated after his return. It pushed her into directly defying his wishes. She didn’t do it for herself, though. She did it for Five.

“You don’t have to go.” She said, taking his fist, and gently prying at his fingers. She shook her head, pleading, “Please.” 

His expression was still severe as he stared at her in quiet contemplation. Then, it softened in the worst way. 

“You’re right.” He whispered. But, he stepped from her, moving his hand away, and before he vanished in a shock of blue, the skin on his face turned stony again. 

~*~*~

When he left, she panicked, thinking he had jumped right then to the future. But a quick sprint to his bedroom door put her mind at ease, just enough that when he denied her entrance, she grudgingly returned to her practice room. 

Perhaps, all he needed was some time to think through, logically she hoped, what their father was asking of him. Because the hate he held toward Reginald Hargreeves cast away any sense of reason and reduced Five to a seething body of retribution. She already determined that if he couldn’t rouse himself from that mentality, he would leave in spite of Father. And she couldn’t let him make that mistake.

Supper time finally relieved her from her stressed and pointless violin practice, only to tear the blackhole of dread residing in her chest, open a little further. Five didn’t show up. And Reginald had the audacity to comment on his absence.

“Where is Number Five, children?” He asked in clipped impatience.

Her siblings glanced around in confusion. _They didn’t know._  

She took a shaky breath, a sliver of anger wedged itself in her heart. “He’s in his room.” 

“Why is he in his room and not attending supper, Number Seven?” He asked like it was her fault he chose isolation over dinner with his family. 

She set down her fork, she wasn’t eating anyway, and allowed the fury to expand into a cluster of thorny barbs. “He’s probably preparing to return to the apocalypse, _Father._ ” 

She continued to glare into his cold eyes, assuming the rest of her family caught the message as their clanging forks and spoons reverberated in her ears. He grumbled in disapproval, “Grace will take care of all the preparations. His behavior is unacceptable.” 

His mouth opened to continue into what she could only predict as a lesson in etiquette at Five’s expense, but interrupted, “You know what’s _unacceptable?_ ” She slowly stood, still not observing the clinking glasses her brothers and sister were making a racket of, “Sending a 13-year-old into a world of _nothing_ ,” a crack _screeched_ down the side of a cup, “expecting them to find the cause _by himself_ ,” another fissure creeped into the helpless glass, “and have no guaranteed way of _coming home.”_ Tears spilled onto her cheeks, the previous irritation suddenly replaced with raw despair, like a key change in a piece of music. 

“Come, dear. Let’s take a rest.” It was Mother at her elbow, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

She felt a bit dazed, rocking slightly to the side but being steadied by Grace’s gentle grip. For a moment, she forgot where she was. 

“You are dismissed, Number Seven.” Sir Reginald said, his voice sounding far away. _Oh, that’s what I was doing._

She wanted to respond in retaliation, but she didn’t gather enough energy before Mother steered her away. For some reason, she felt too ashamed to meet the gazes of her siblings. Like, she was supposed to be the calm one in all of this, and she disappointed them somehow. 

As she stumbled up the steps with Grace by her side, the rumble of The Monocle’s voice filled the kitchen. It sounded urgent. 

~*~*~

Almost as soon as she returned to her room, she was offered a pill by Grace. “ _He’s been poisoning you!”_ Five’s words echoed angrily. 

“Thanks, Mom.” She heard herself say, taking it into her hand and turning away.

 _“...for almost your whole life!”_ She tipped her head back, dropping it onto her tongue.

 _“...making you believe he was helping you!”_ She tucked it between her cheek and teeth. 

“I think I’m going to lay down. I’m not feeling well.” She said, walking to her bed to sit. Mother nodded in agreement, placed a kiss on her hairline, and bid her good night. 

As soon as the door clicked shut, she swiped her finger along her gums, removing the gooey pill. It had already melted and mingled with her saliva, so she took the glass of water from her dresser, opened her window, and after swishing her mouth clean of the medication, spit it hastily out the window. 

 _“Sadistic asshole.”_ She thought to herself, wiping at her nose. _I’m not doing anything he says anymore._ She laid down on her bed and quickly fell asleep, disdain for her father seeping into her heavily. 

~*~*~

The dream started normally enough. She observed herself walking down the hallway of her siblings’ bedrooms. Everything was in slow motion, which allowed her to peek in and glance around for a moment. However, after Luther’s she didn’t want to anymore. His body was sprawled across the floor, limbs twisted unnaturally, his domino mask still adhered effectively to his face. Then, Diego. He was pinned to the wall with shards of glass she could only assume came from his busted window. Blood dried in dark lines down the wall to puddle at the baseboard, droplets splattered across his domino mask. She wanted to scream for help, she _tried_ , but her mouth stayed stubbornly sealed. As if in resistance to her wishes. 

When she came to Allison’s room, she tried to close her eyes, but the gaping mouth at the base of her throat caught her in a daze of horror. She remained slumped against her bed, her magazines in disarray around her, the domino mask hiding her dead stare. Klaus’s arms were shredded in a gory enough mess for her to want to vomit. Though, she was denied in this nightmare world. His blood soaked curls laid heavily across his domino mask. She desired nothing more than for it to stop. Or to allow herself the pleasure of gouging her own eyes out. Anything to make it end. 

Five’s room was empty to her numb relief, knowing he was suffering in his own hell in the future. Ben’s room was the last. The worst. There was a wound to his head, collapsing one side of it in a grisly, gaping hole. The blood ran like little streams through his deformed features, accentuating the lack of a mask and dull fear still in his expression. He held his mask in his hand loosely, outstretched across the floor, toward her… as if in presentation. _Take it._ His voice whispered. _If you want it._

“No.” She whispered. She could hear herself. The urge to scream built up in her lungs but was dismissed by another voice.

“Unacceptable, Number Seven.” Her father’s words were like fiery needles, pricking her skin to let all of the sadness, despair, resentment, and hatred to leak out, sparking the memories of each of her siblings’ eventual deaths to flash before her. All of them saying her name in various degrees of terror. _Vanya! Please!_

Through the screams, Five’s voice rang clear, _“I want to hurt him for hurting you.”_

 _“Me too.”_ She replied. Their voices continued to plead with her. 

 _“Vanya!”_ Ben whispered desperately, “Wake up!” 

She could hear the normal world again. No more voices, no more need to hurt. She gasped loudly, her face wet. 

“Vanya, it’s okay.” Ben soothed from beside her, hand resting on her shoulder. “It was just a dream.” 

_It was just a dream. They were alive._

Despite the darkness in her room, she reached for Ben, crushing him in a hug that he returned. 

“You’re okay.” She breathed, filling the hole that bore its way through her during the dream. 

“I’m fine.” He hesitated, something odd in his voice, “Are you okay?” 

She hummed in response, pulling away from him, “It was just a dream.” If she said it enough, it had to be true. 

Ben sighed heavily. “I need your help.” He tugged on her hand, urging her to get out of bed. “It’s Five.”

She blinked at the light in the hallway, wiping at the tears on her cheeks as her eyes slowly adjusted.

“Why? What’s wrong?” She questioned, ignoring the lingering stress of her nightmare and replacing it with her reality. 

“He was making so much noise, I couldn’t sleep.” He whispered, now being conscious of the other people sleeping nearby. 

They reached Five’s door, and she could hear the faint sound of scuffling and hollow, frantic tapping. She stared at the door, trying to place the somewhat familiar noise, then met Ben’s eyes. He was worried. 

The door creaked open to reveal a scene of complete chaos. Papers were scattered like leaves in the fall across his desk, floor, and even bed. Some crumpled or ripped as if ravished by a wild animal. His bed was in shambles, impossible to be slept in with the sheet clinging desperately to a corner and the blanket tossed to the corner of the room in a heap of chalk, papers, and pillows. Her eyes finally found the source of tapping. Five stood on his nearly bare mattress, shoes intact, jacket shed elsewhere in the room, and his sleeves swinging below his elbows in time with his scribbling. His walls were a mess of frenzied equations, like panicked white abrasions in a dark flesh. In some areas, cloudy handprints ghosted over previous numbers, making room for more.

She and Ben exchanged a cautious look and edged closer to him. The dread spreading in her halted. Only for the entrance of the instinctual protection she felt for him in times like these to become active. 

Being mindful of the lack of reaction to their presence, she reached up to touch his bare forearm in forewarning of her speaking. “Five?” She called, careful to watch his face. It was hard to see from the floor. It was shiny with sweat, though. 

“Five? Talk to me.” She probed, chalk dust drifting down the wall to settle on his headboard. Still nothing. She glanced at Ben pressing her lips together anxiously. 

He stretched an arm up to tug at his sleeve, “C’mon, Five. You need to rest.” During the tug, it dragged the piece of chalk in his hand downward on the wall, screeching angrily. 

Five paused, unmoving. Vanya and Ben both jumped when he abruptly glared down at them. His eyes were bright with displeasure and panic. His hair was sticking in all directions, chalky streaks indicated the places his fingers pushed it back from his face. It made him look like he had aged several decades.

“I don’t have time for this,” he hissed. “Get out of my room!” He growled, comparable to the sound of a real feral beast. He snapped back to his work, muttering in agitation. 

She blinked back tears and stepped up on the bed with him, determined to end his feverish writing. He was really scaring her. 

She gripped his elbow, pulling him so she could see his face. “Five! You have to stop this. Just let us help you -”

“Help me? You think you can _help me_ ?” He snarled, whipping his head toward her, coming within inches of her face, displaying the desperation plain in his features, “No one can help me. No one understands what it’s like.” His eyes bore into her, not really seeing, “Get away from me.” He jerked his arm free of her grip, “ _Leave me alone,”_ he said in a hushed, threatening voice. 

Her nose flared at his words, swallowing hard. _He doesn’t mean it._ She wanted to slap him or hug him or _something._ She jumped down from the bed beside Ben. 

He searched her face with sympathy. “You know he isn’t in his right mind, Vanya.” He whispered as if Five would respond to their demeaning words. “He’s freaked out about having to go back.” Ben looked up at his brother, sadness evident in his gaze. 

“I know.” She said, nodding. She turned for the door with Ben trailing behind her.

“Wait. Where are you going?” 

She inhaled deeply, convincing herself the idea was not betraying him. “I’m getting Allison.” As she walked through the door into the hallway.

Ben stopped her with a hand on her arm, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

She frowned at her kindest brother. The one she felt was the most similar in character to her. “Do you have another idea? He can’t stay like that. He’ll hurt himself.” Panic built with her own comment, but she quickly pushed it down. She needed to keep it together. 

His dark, oak shaded eyes studied her for a moment before shaking his head. “Okay, but we need to be quiet. Luther can’t know.” 

She signaled her agreement and crept toward her sister’s room. A thought came to her passing the neighboring door. “Is Klaus awake?” She asked, gesturing toward his door.

Ben made a frustrated noise, but said, “Probably. But he isn’t here.”

Vanya glanced at him, catching sight of disappointment in the reflection of his glare. She touched his wrist, still making their way to Allison’s door. “I’m sure he’s safe.” She said in a hushed voice, wanting to reassure him because there was a glint of worry behind the displeasure, too. 

“I hope so.” He breathed, as they arrived at Allison’s room.

Vanya didn’t want to think of the last conversation they had, the implication behind it too hard to bear at the moment. She thought better than to knock, gliding through the small gap she made with the door and gently waking her disoriented sister. Allison caught onto the importance of Vanya's request to follow her relievingly fast. 

Once they were all in the hallway, she led them to Ben's bedroom, away from their Number One's dutiful ears. 

"What's going on?" Allison questioned, alert to their concerned looks.

Ben said, “We need your help with Five.” He peered at Vanya and continued, “Dad telling him that he has to go to the future again is making him obsess over his equations and we’re worried he’s going to hurt himself.” 

“What do you mean obsess?” She crossed her arms, uncertain. 

Ben and Vanya exchanged another look and Vanya sighed, “You need to see to understand.” 

They brought Allison to his room and her reaction was just about on par with their own. She was speechless as she stepped over papers with barefeet and stared wide-eyed at the crowded math covering the walls like wallpaper. 

She returned to them after her quick examination, now eyeing Five skeptically. 

“Does he even know we’re here?” She muttered, cocking an eyebrow.

Ben replied solemnly, “Only if you interrupt what he’s doing.” 

“I really don’t think he knows where he is right now.” She whispered, staring at the hem in her skirt as she rubbed it between her fingers. She didn’t even change into her pajamas before falling asleep earlier. 

Allison’s hand found hers, drawing it away from her nervous tick. When she looked up at her sister, her eyes were sad and possibly on the verge of tears? Before she could question her, she asked first, “H-how are you feeling, Vanya?” 

Allison’s worry seemed deeper than just the current circumstance’s effect, but she brushed it off for the moment, wanting to focus on Five. “I’m just worried about him.” She watched as he knelt on his bed now, resting his elbow on the headboard, and running his left hand through his hair to grab at the strands in concentration. When she turned back to the other siblings in the room they were grumbling intensely to each other but was stopped abruptly by her inquiring stare. 

She raised an eyebrow at their guilty expressions as if in curiosity. They weren’t talking about Five. 

“We were just trying to figure out what to do about Five.” Ben amended, quickly. “Should Allison rumour him into being more calm? Or make him forget about the future altogether?” 

Allison shook her head, “I can’t make someone forget about something forever. It will eventually come back to them if they’re exposed to the truth enough. Also, I don’t know what a calm Five is like, but I don’t think it would be good for his health either…” Her fingers were on her chin, poking at her lip anxiously. Vanya didn’t think she had ever seen her sister nervous before. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea either.” She agreed as she pondered for a moment longer before saying hesitantly, “I think if we just put him to sleep, it will help his brain rest and get some control back.” 

“I hope that’s enough to fix…” Ben paused to look at his brother’s back, “...whatever is going on in his head.” Vanya could tell he was avoiding using the word “crazy,” and she was thankful for that. 

Allison dropped her hand from her lips and nodded curtly, “Okay. Let’s get this done.” 

They all timidly crept to his side, unsure if he would acknowledge them. Allison slid up on the bed behind Five and signaled for them to cover their ears. Vanya watched as her sister’s words wafted across Five, stilling his hand. The influence of her rumor clouded his eyes and his body slumped. Ben and Vanya removed their own hands from their ears and assisted their sister in laying him back onto the mattress. 

His face no longer held a scowl, but wrinkles lingered between his eyebrows, softening it into more of a brood. His button-up was damp with sweat, the collar folded open and sleeves left draped around his chalky hands. She removed the stubby piece of chalk from his loosening fingers, letting it drop to the floor. Her fingers absentmindedly worried at the dust on his hands as if it would spread over his whole body, suffocating him. 

Allison had fetched his blanket from the corner and was shaking it free of stray chalk and discarded paper. “How did he keep Grace out of here? She would lose her shit if she saw this pit.” Allison scoffed, patting at the fabric to release some of the chalk dust clinging to it. 

“I would assume Dad had something to do with it.” Ben muttered, working on getting Five’s shoes off. 

Vanya suddenly had the urge to apologize for her behavior at supper, still thinking that she disappointed them in some way. “I’m sorry for getting upset at supper. I hope he didn’t lecture you all because of me.” She found a pillow under his bed, brushing any chalk away, not wanting it to touch him ever again. 

“I’m glad you said something, Vanya.” Allison came from behind, touching her shoulder. “We didn’t know that he was sending Five back yet and deserved to be yelled at for treating Five like that.” 

It surprised Vanya that Allison would say that. She always thought her sister’s relationship with Luther influenced her to place Dad on a pedestal like he did. She would suck up to their father, but she supposed now, she was only doing it to manipulate him into what she wanted. She didn’t know how she felt about that. 

“Yeah. Dad deserves more than just getting yelled at for what he’s doing to Five.” Ben joined them, successfully removing the shoes. “He can’t make Five go back to the future.” 

It was quiet for a moment, the sound of Five’s deep breaths filling the area. All three of them looked down at him, then at each other. 

“I think he’s going to go anyway.” Vanya said softly, watching their faces melt into disbelief. She’s known since he came back and told them about the state of the future that he would return. Even before she knew about him finding their siblings’ bodies and the damage it has done to his mentality, she knew he would go back. With or without Father’s permission. 

She reached out to cradle his head as she tucked the pillow under, allowing a hand to remain along the side, fingertips sinking into his hair. She knelt, feeling a piece of paper sticking to her knee. Allison and Ben dragged the blanket over him, tucking it around his skinny form. 

She stroked a thumb under his eye wiping a smear of chalk away then rested her arms on the edge of the bed. She wouldn’t leave him alone. 

Allison gave her a hug from behind like a chokehold, but much gentler. “Don’t be mad at him, Vanya. He only wants to keep us safe.” She could only nod in response, her throat hurting. 

“You need to take care of yourself, too.” It was Ben, she continued to gaze at Five’s pale face. “Please, Vanya. You need to sleep.” 

Their concerned words gave her some solace. They cared enough to help Five and to look out for her. So in repayment, she twisted her body to meet their eyes, and reassured them, “I’ll sleep, I promise.” They looked down at her, still with so much worry. “Thanks for helping him.” 

They wished her good night, turning the light off on their way, not a mention as to her decision to stay with him. She had a strange feeling they knew about their sleeping arrangement.

As she listened to the faint sounds of their doors shutting, she forced her eyes to stay open in the darkness. She couldn’t shake the uneasiness of falling asleep and possibly dreaming again. She couldn’t stand to see their dead eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to stop writing such long chapters... I'm going to burn myself out soon. I wanted this to be even longer, but made myself stop! Because of that, next chapter will be another Vanya POV. It may be short... it may be long. Who knows anymore?? Lol But really, I keep surprising myself with the things I change when I'm writing. There were things in this chapter that weren't supposed to happen yet and they happened anyway because it flooooowed.  
> I hope I didn't upset you all too much. Fiveya will be rough for a while. I see the ending in sight though! Hallelujah!  
> Your comments give me life. Peace <3


	25. Give him a reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGSTY ANGST ANGST

It must have been one or two in the morning when they finally settled Five. That left the next several hours that she should have been sleeping consumed with painstaking silence and dark thoughts. It was a myriad of worries involving Five’s mental state and decision on returning to the future, life without him when he left, and her own mental health. The dream played over and over, like a section of music with a coda, going back to the beginning every time, never really ending. The sound of her voice replying to a phantom Five’s desire to hurt Father for hurting her:  _ “Me too.” _ It was unsettling. It was everything she feared after the talk she and Five had about her medicine. The pain in her heart from her outburst at supper still stung, like she managed to remove it with the sense of foreboding she held, but there was still a shard left, buried deep inside.

As she agonized over her apprehension, she bowed her head to rest on the mattress against Five’s shoulder, stifling her little sobs. She didn’t want to wake him, but she couldn’t leave him either. She needed him as much as he needed her. 

The sun began to peek through his curtain lightly, kindly relieving her eyes and mind from the darkness. It was still peaceful in the mansion, only occasional creaks echoing through the floorboards. As she wiped away her tears, Five’s breathing filled her ears as they did that first time. The pressure was still on her chest, but the hand holding it in place seemed to spread its fingers. Not enough to release anything, but it allowed her to feel it stronger. Warmer, almost hot. 

The feeling was lost as her attention strayed, honing in on Five’s breathing and the rapid pant it had now turned into. Her eyes snapped open and he shot upward, gasping, “No, no, no!” 

She quickly moved from the floor to the bed, her knees and numb thighs groaning in protest. His hands were clenched in the blanket over his legs, his knuckles looking painfully tight even in the dim morning light. 

“Five, I’m here.” She whispered firmly, alarmed by the frantic, wide-eyed search of the room, his head jerking side to side like he was seeing something more than his faintly lit bedroom. 

His chest heaved up and down, his breaths coming out in shaky sobs, “No! Please!” 

She shook him harder, tears rolling down her cheeks to match his own, “Five! Snap out of it!” 

He brought his hands up to cover his ears, whimpering, “Please, no more. Leave me alone!” 

His eyes were squeezed shut, face wet with sweat and tears, as he brought his knees up to his chest, trembling in fear. This is what he was like when he was there. He heard voices that weren’t there, convincing himself he was crazy. Because if he didn’t tell the voices to go away, he would be giving in to the insanity. 

Her hands had been knocked away in his thrashing, so she brought them back, persistent and sure, to press her palms along his neck right beneath his own, tracing her thumbs along his jaw in comfort. “Five, it’s okay.” She reassured him, projecting her voice some, so it could reach him through his panicked mumbles. “You’re at home.” He ceased his babbling and loosened the hold on his ears enough for her to pry a couple of fingers underneath. “You’re with me, Five. You’re safe here.” He sniffed, opening his eyes but keeping them low, fixed on the blanket. Her fingers wiggled further in pushing his hands up, so they could create a hovering cage over his ears, allowing her words to reach him more clearly. “We’re together right now, Five.” He shook his head slightly, his face crinkling in fear again.  _ You’re losing him!  _ She pushed his hands away as she snuck her arms around his neck and pulled him so she could press her cheek against his, their tears mingling. 

She whispered, a hitch in her voice, “I’m here. I promise.” 

It was quiet as her words hung, clinging desperately to his ear, urging him to believe her. Then, he took in a breath. As uneven as it was, she thought it sounded relieved. His hands found the back of her button-up shirt, clutching the fabric like it was the edge of a cliff that he hung from and nestled his face into her neck. She held him as he cried, his sobs unhindered by whatever he was experiencing before. They were loud and pained as they shook him. 

She only repeated her words from before in hushed tones, if only to remind him of his current reality and to keep him from the hellish future for as long as she could. She stroked the back of his head, smoothing the sweat-soaked hair with her fingers. He never said a word, accepting the comfort and company as his mind found some sense of resolve again. 

His sobs had stopped some time ago, both of them still clinging to each other. It felt very similar to when he accomplished the time jump, the achievement reminding her that he would not be there much longer. That the whole purpose of learning to travel through time, was for Five to go to the future and determine the cause of the apocalypse. To leave and never return. She held him tighter, grasping the fabric on his shoulders. 

“Please don’t leave, Five.” She pleaded, her voice weak. 

He responded by matching her grip and choking, “I don’t want to go.” Both of their tears returned, soaking their shirts. 

“Then, don’t!” She sobbed into his shoulder. “You don’t have to!” Her heart felt like it was bleeding with each beat it took. Something released in her, the room going dark with the sound of rain hitting the window. The morning light was smothered.

“I have to. I have to find out what ends everything.” His voice was almost calm, but it still shook. 

She pulled away from him, still holding his shirt firmly, like he would try leaving right then. “Why can’t we use the eye? You said the owner was the one responsible!” She was practically begging now, grasping for anything.

His eyes met hers and despite the redness circling them, they were stern, reminiscent of their father. “Vanya, you know that won’t be enough. You know I don’t have a choice.” 

The spike in her heart was hurting, the anger blooming. “You do have a choice! Just stay awhile longer until you figure out how to jump back! I’ll help you -!”

She stopped at the touch of his fingers on her cheeks, an unbelievably sad smile on his face, “I’ve wasted too much time as it is.” 

“It’s not going to happen for 17 years! That’s plenty of time for you to master time traveling!” Her heart was racing faster and faster with every dismissal. He already had his mind set, and if she knew anything about Five, it was that he was stubborn and determined to a fault. 

“Vanya, you need to calm down -” Now Five was pleading with her, gripping her face and wiping at her tears with his thumbs like he could stop them if he did it enough. She felt as though she was standing in the rain, letting its chill soak into her. It pounded relentlessly against his window. 

“I have to save you. I can’t let you die.” He said, a familiar scowl gracing his face, not reflecting the rawness of his voice. “ _ How stupid.”  _ She thought spitefully, thunder rumbling through the walls.

“And what about you?” She scolded. “Why can’t I keep you safe, too?” She leaned forward, spilling more tears. She tried to sound accusing, but failed, “That isn’t fair, Five. I want to keep you safe, too!” She repeated, turning to sob into his palm. Hopelessness grasped her fully. All the strength from the last twenty-four hours completely drained. She let his hands hold her up. 

“Vanya, I’m sorry.” He whispered gruffly, a tight frown forming at her words. “I want you to have a future to live in.” 

His response started something on fire in her chest and she pushed his hands away roughly. The anger was too overwhelming to keep in control, so she shouted, “What is the point of a future without you in it?!” She watched with bitter satisfaction as his eyes widened, his hands open and hovering motionless like he was carved from stone. When a strike of lightning flashed, it was as if it illuminated the space inside her chest and brightened the words she knew were true, to escape from her lips, “I love you, Five. And I don’t want a future unless you’re there.” 

That’s what she wanted to say. She was glad she said it. It wouldn’t change anything, she knew, but she didn’t regret it. Before Five could release himself from his still statue-like appearance, she stormed from the room. 

~*~*~   

  Ben was standing outside the door, probably trying to decide whether she needed assistance. As she pushed passed him, he tried stopping her by taking her arm and saying something that she didn’t bother listening to and jerked herself free. There wasn’t even any room in her to feel bad about doing that to Ben, the resentment toward Five emerging implacably. 

She strode to her room and slammed the door shut, again, having no capacity for respecting the sleep of everyone else. She sat on the floor by the window and let the rush of the storm swallow her up. She didn’t want to hear anyone or anything else. Again, the fingers on her chest denied her access to the strange force in her center, causing her to feel more frustration. She thought if she could just release it, it could bring her some relief. 

She had no concept of time as she indulged the negative feelings through the urgency of the rain. Soon, Mother entered and drew her back to reality.

“Vanya, it’s time for breakfast.” Grace was crouched beside her, murmuring softly. Or maybe the howling of the wind drowned her voice. 

“I don’t care. I’m not going.” She replied, surprised by how feeble she sounded. She thought that the storm was filling her with strength, but it was only an illusion her mind made up.  _ Why would she gain power from a storm? _

“Mealtimes are for spending time with your family. They will miss seeing you.” She said softly, the programmed words leaving a sour taste in Vanya’s mouth. 

“Dad isn’t my family. He doesn’t care about any of us. And he won’t miss seeing me.” She turned her face away from Mom’s touch, not wanting her tenderness to get in the way of the annoyance she felt toward her father. 

Grace’s skirt fluttered as she stood, brushing Vanya’s arm with the stiff fabric. Her sigh filled the room pleasantly, even if it was supposed to sound disappointed. “You don’t have to come to breakfast, dear. But I do expect you to still attend your lessons. We can’t have your bright mind being dulled by all this dreadful rain.” 

Vanya looked up from the floor at her mother, or rather, a robot created by Reginald Hargreeves to pose as their mother. They studied each other a moment longer until Vanya finally gave her a short nod. She was relieved to avoid breakfast, but she knew lunch wouldn’t be a winning battle. 

Before Mother left, she gave a pill to Vanya and watched as she supposedly took it. She was given a cheery, satisfied smile, before her mother left the room. Again, she eliminated the medication from her mouth in the same fashion, dampening her bangs some when using the window. Vanya returned to her spot on the floor, keeping her mind occupied with the sound of the rain slowing to a dull sprinkle, barely audible through the window. Once she decided breakfast was most likely over and Grace would be expecting her for her morning lessons, she rose from the floor, her body aching in protest of the odd positions she had been in since she was woken up by Ben, and changed out of the tear-stained and wrinkly uniform. 

She didn’t want any awkward encounters from her siblings, and definitely not Five, so she moved quickly down the hallway, holding her breath as she passed Five’s closed door, and made it to the safety of her study room on the other, mirroring side of the mansion.

Her textbooks were set out and eagerly waiting to be read, so she began. She already knew the lessons for the day as they were a continuation from the day before, so Grace only had to peek in every once in awhile to be sure there were no misunderstandings. Vanya was glad for the quiet and busy work she could immerse herself in. Regardless of the lack of sleep, she stayed strangely focused, the anger shut down in a strange comatose.

When it became lunch time, she clutched the calmness tightly, ignoring the concerned stares of her siblings, and presumed disdain from Reginald. Five wasn’t present to her bitter relief. As they were excused, she kept her eyes low, determined to sustain the false sense of tranquility. 

“Vanya!” It was Ben. She quickened her pace, but was blocked by Klaus, swaying in front of her like a thin tree. 

She sighed. “I don’t  _ care  _ what Five is doing, Ben.” She allowed sharp impatience to influence her response, still dismissive of others’ feelings at the moment. But she paused when she met Ben’s bright, excited eyes. 

“I don’t know what you said to him, but his room is clean!” He exclaimed in a breathy sense of relief. 

“Yeah, so glad he doesn’t have to smell like trash anymore.” Klaus made a face, waving his hand in front of his nose and rolling his eyes back dramatically. 

Ben shoved his brother with a scowl, “That’s just you, Klaus.” 

Vanya sighed again, with more force, “So what?” Irritation was creeping under her skin again and she didn’t want to direct it at Ben for the second time, but wasn’t given much choice. 

“ _ And  _ he came to train with us this morning! He told Dad that he needed to be in shape for the apocalypse and then sparred with Diego!” His voice raised with amusement at the end of his sentence. 

The only thing she got out of the conversation was that Five was still planning to go to the future. Ben’s enthusiasm didn’t make a lot of sense to her, and it certainly wasn’t changing her attitude, so she turned to leave, “I have to get to my lessons,” she deadpanned. 

She was a few steps away before Ben called after her, “He’s starting to hope again. This is a good thing, Vanya.” 

Tears immediately sprang to her eyes and she turned back to snap, “How is him leaving a  _ good _ thing?” And ran up the stairs, wiping at her eyes. She vaguely saw the rest of their brothers and sister watching from afar. The resolve she built in the morning was nice while it lasted. 

~*~*~

Due to her earlier dedication to studying, she finished her work within the next hour. Grace left her saying she only needed to finish her music theory from the night before and she would have the rest of the evening to herself. She didn’t want to be idle, she didn’t want to be left with nothing but her thoughts. Ben’s update on Five’s condition seemed to have progressed her emotions from the spoiled, bitterness they were, to a dry and cracked throb in her chest. 

She glared at her violin, even the rage she felt for her father directing itself to her most cherished possession. It just gave her more reason to resent him. Why give her something she would grow to love so much? Would he take it away, too? 

Her spiteful thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her door. She didn’t want anyone to disturb her silent anger and writhing despair. If it were Mother, she would just come in. The only other people she could think would come see her were her father, Five, or her siblings, and all of them sounded like an unwanted encounter. And who was she kidding? “ _ Reginald would just let himself in like the asshole he is.”  _ She thought, scornfully. She liked calling him names in her head, now. Another quirk she gained from hanging around Five so much.

She chose to stay quiet, hoping they would get the idea to go away. Unfortunately, they did not and pushed the door open. 

“Miss Vanya? May I come in?” Oh,  _ Pogo.  _

She slightly sighed, for the thousandth time that day and forced a smile. “Of course, Pogo.”  __

“Oh, I didn’t know if you were in here.” He shuffled into the room, shutting the door behind him. “Would you mind playing me a song? I think I could use some brightness from this dreary day.” 

He settled himself in one of the chairs, choosing the small wooden one she would use when practicing over the much more comfortable, faded cushiony one. Pogo was always so modest. Probably because her father forced him into such a malleable demeanor.  __

Pogo searched her face, waiting for an answer. Would he be offended if she said no? “I’m really not feeling up to playing today, Pogo. I’m sorry.” She apologized genuinely. She had been wanting to play for him for a long time and she didn’t have the energy to be mean to him. 

“Oh. I’m sorry, Miss Vanya.” His toes reached for the floor as he slid down from the chair. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I thought maybe we could use each other’s company.” 

She watched as he reached for the doorknob, so easily allowing her to turn him down. They were so alike. It’s why she loved Pogo. 

“Wait. I’ll play something for you, Pogo.” She stood, picking up her violin and searching through some music on her stand. 

“Are you sure, Miss Vanya? Don’t force yourself for my sake.” He met her eyes and it made her want to play for him even more. 

She gestured toward the chair, “Please, Pogo. Let me play something for you.” 

He smiled warmly and took his seat again.

“What would you like to hear?” She asked, forcing her previously hunched posture into something more dignified. Maybe this would help her, too. 

“Anything you play will make me feel better.” The same, steady warmth in his expression. 

She returned his smile and said, “I could play something I’ve been working on, I suppose.” She pulled out Violin Sonata No. 9 by Beethoven hesitantly, “I am still learning, so don’t be too critical.” She teased, gaining a spark of amusement in Pogo’s eye. This was a monster of a piece she had only learned a quarter of over the course of a year.

“I would never, Miss Vanya.” He replied, adjusting the position in his chair and resting his folded hands in front of him comfortably. She didn’t know what it was about Pogo, but there was never pressure to impress nor worry of disappointing him. It was rare to experience moments like this in the Academy considering the adults, or humanoid-type guardians, occupying it. 

She returned her gaze to the papers in front of her, the music posing only as a precaution in the case she forgets some parts. Memorizing the themes in the exposition was logical since they were restated throughout the entire movement and made learning the rest easier. Though, Beethoven’s music was never easy and required intense practice, whether it was repetitive or not. 

She took a breath and began playing, wanting to use this time to be mindful of the control she’s been working on, without the metronome’s guidance, and of course to please Pogo. She wanted to be impressive. Extraordinary. 

As she finished the first movement, she noticed intonation being sacrificed in her efforts to keep the lively glissando of the piece in control. It sounded stiff and boring to her ears. There was no emotion. Perhaps she could give up some control to improve the pleasant melting pot of sentiment Beethoven intended. After all, Pogo was here to  _ enjoy  _ her music, not tolerate it and leave here feeling dissatisfied. 

So when she entered the next movement, she allowed herself to listen to the beauty of the sonata rather than the technique. It caressed her ears lovingly in return for her decision and swept her mind into a dynamic ocean of currents. There were moments of peace, reminding her of whispered voices, and the cozy warmth of Five’s hands in hers as they fell asleep. And there were transitions of bright, crisp melody, alternating between staccato and arpeggio patterns she happily decided were in tune. The laughter of her siblings echoed in the patterns, draping her in recent, endearing memories. 

She knew the darker, more complex theme was approaching because everything faded. The happiness and comfort left her with the key change, and submerged her with the familiar despair of her day. The ache of her confession to Five and the sorrow of their doomed affections, set ablaze by her father’s determination to send Five away. It filled her with fire. The music pulsing under her skin with the intensity of the vibrato seemed to fill her senses with a white, hot light. There was a short moment of fleeting thought to find some sense of stability, but what did it matter any more? 

_ “Dad said that I needed to practice control if I was going to be successful.”  _

_ “You’ll be successful on your own. You don’t need his help.” _

Five was right. She didn’t need his help. She didn’t need control. She needed to  _ feel  _ the music as it was meant to be felt. 

“Miss Vanya!” Pogo’s brown, caramel eyes pierced her in concern. A hand held her bow from the violin, ending the immersive experience. Now the emotions were stinging and raw in her chest without the outlet of her music.  _ It hurt.  _

Vanya blinked several times, the edges of her vision clearing themselves of the strange glare that reminded her of sunlight reflecting against snow. During her act, wetness streamed persistently down her face to join the sweat drenching her skin. Some strands of hair clung to her cheeks. 

“I-I’m s-s-sorry.” She breathed, now realizing she was fighting a sob. __

Pogo examined her with worry, still holding her hand with the bow. “Are you feeling well? I can fetch Grace -”

“No.” She choked. Whether she was replying to his question or turning away the idea of getting Mother, he seemed to understand and nodded solemnly his lips pressing together. She lowered her violin and bent to rest her head on Pogo’s shoulder, the sob releasing itself. She cried like she did with Five earlier that day. It felt like it was so long ago when she begged him to stay, to learn how to come back to her before he left forever. And he turned her down. She wasn’t enough for him to stay. 

Pogo stroked her head, “I know it is hard right now, Miss Vanya. Everything will turn out for the better.” 

“But he can’t come back if he leaves. I’ll-I’ll never see him again!” She whimpered through the racking sobs. 

“That isn’t something we know will happen. He came back once, and he has made much progress with his abilities recently. You need to have faith in him, Miss Vanya.” She knew he was trying to ease her worries, but his words even sounded unsure. She cried harder, shaking her head. She didn’t think she could even formulate words at this point. 

He shushed her and switched to rubbing her back. She couldn’t remember the last time she hugged Pogo. She knew when she was a child, he was her favorite to sit with because she liked looking at how different their fingers were from each other. His were so much longer with so much more hair, and she wanted to know why. Instead of explaining how he was a different species that shouldn’t know how to talk, he would explain that everyone used their hands differently. He would list all the different things you could do with your hands. It was such a silly conversation that could literally go on forever, so it was continued every time they sat together. She would ask him what he used his hands for and his answer was always the same: “ _ To take care of you and your siblings. _ ” 

“I don’t want him to go either.” Pogo whispered, his voice steady. “But we need to be strong for him.” He paused as if in thought. Then, more tense, “At least until he’s gone.” His words sounded eerie, like there was a deeper meaning. But before she could ask what he meant, he gently took her shoulders and pulled away to meet her eyes and smiled sadly, “We need to show him we will be here waiting when he comes home. Let’s give him a reason to come back to us.” 

She met Pogo’s bright, sincere gaze and nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm killing myself with these long chapters. I think I'm cutting things out that aren't important but then I come up with something else I think is important and make it looooonger. Why do I do this. SIGH so I want to have this done by the time I start school up again in a week and a half (I'm a teacher) but if I continue the way I am, I don't know if it will happen. I'll definitely finish, it just might take longer than I plan.   
> What did you think about the shit storm happening in Vanya? I hope I'm making her instability clear lol. It's kind of clear what's going to happen, but maybe you have other ideas?? Let me know in the comments! They give me motivation, and boyyyyy do I need it at this point. You're all the bombdotcom. <3


	26. Number Five: One of the stupidest and smartest people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back with lovestruck Number Five! Enjoy!

After informing Vanya of Reginald’s newest training approach, and spitefully accepting his fate, his mind went so far into overdrive that it was like he blacked out. He remembered the panic and a blur of chalky equations fogging his mind, but he didn’t remember anything else outside of that until he woke up. 

It didn’t matter how many times he had a dream about the apocalypse, his family’s death took the spotlight, tearing any resolve he might have held into ribbons of chilling desperation. They were all accounted for in their current ages like the present was threatened as well as the future, escalating the urgency of his assignment. Like, his father had a hand in the design, the intent to push him further into pursuing his mission. 

These dreams plagued him with uncertainty, poisoning his senses into accepting his dream’s world over the real one. The dead Vanya over the real one. And he hated it. He wanted to believe she was there as she tried convincing him, but her voice was too similar to the hallucinated version and he was too scared to listen. If he listened, wouldn’t he be giving into the insanity he worked so hard to persuade everyone he resisted? That he would be crazy if he just gave in to her pleas of comfort? 

But it was her warm touch that brought him back. Back to the world of the living, back to Vanya and her light. He didn’t have to use his eyes to see it, it shone through her love for him. How he didn’t recognize it before was beyond him. Ben’s exasperated voice tapped at his brain impatiently: “You are one of the smartest and stupidest people I know.”  

Five was sitting on the edge of his freshly made bed. He pushed his fingers through his nicely combed hair and sighed.  _ She loves me.  _ It should have brought him so much joy that he grinned like a fool. Or ran a lap around the mansion. Or  _ kissed _ her. But he just sat there like she dropped an atomic bomb on his head, eliminating his ability to do anything but unconscious functions. 

Perhaps it was the situation and context of her confession that caused him to react like that. Now that it happened, he wished it would have been in better circumstances. Something cliche like on a date, or holding her hands as they drifted to sleep without the threat of him leaving forever. 

He sighed again, fighting the urge to curl up on his bed in a state of awe and depression, as he did when he realized she had left his room after revealing her feelings. But, that’s what brought him to the conclusion that he couldn’t leave with the way things were between them. Him being left alone and pining for her pathetically, and her, resenting him for going to the future with the belief that he would not return. 

That was his problem. He believed he wouldn’t return either, and that was what made him lose his mind. He needed to change his goal. He wasn’t going to the future only to find out what caused the apocalypse, but to secure a future for Vanya  _ and  _ himself. To go back home to his present time once the new objective was met. Vanya was right, after all:  _ “I have never seen you not reach a goal!”  _ And he wouldn’t disappoint her now.  __

The determination from his new outlook fueled him to get his shit together. He was ashamed to think that Vanya was in the disaster he called his bedroom, so that was the first thing he cleaned up. After all, his robotic mother always said: “Tidy space, tidy mind.” He didn’t really find meaning in that phrase until he was drowning in heaps of discarded paper and choking on clouds of chalk dust. The environment he released all of his madness literally reflected his mind. So, he officially trashed the forest he murdered, swept together the stubby remnants of chalk, and made his bed as perfectly as if Mother did it. He even erased the disorderly equations afflicting his walls. They weren’t any use to him in their current state, as he could barely decipher the overlapping, smudged numbers. He felt anxious at first, his heart pounding loudly, but soon the absence of their looming pressure was freeing and he was already formulating more reliable possibilities. 

By the time he finished, it was nearly mid-morning. He continued the refinements with himself by taking a burning hot shower and scrutinizing himself in the mirror. How could Vanya love something so skinny and pale? He didn’t look like the tall, built, tan boys Allison always squealed over in her magazines. Is Vanya attracted to those kinds of guys? Would she fall for someone else while he was gone? He prodded his ribs and sighed.  _ Stupid, insecure pubescence.  _ He combed some gel into his hair, smiling to himself. Vanya seemed to like his hair at least.  __

 His next step was to shove his newly found confidence in his father’s face. He went to the Academy’s training time, and was rewarded with angry babbling from Reginald and an excited welcome from his siblings. The Monocle demanded that he return to his room to prepare for his mission, but Five spurned the order by asking Diego for a spar. Of course, he chose Diego on purpose knowing he would be the least likely to turn him down if it meant humiliating their father. That was one thing he could admit they had in common: Neither were scared of Reginald Hargreeves. 

They were all dismissed for lunch, but Five decided to stay behind, his body yearning for more attention. These last few months left him with little to no physical activity, always holed up in his room, or sitting and listening to Vanya playing her violin. Perhaps that contributed to his depression. He had no outlet. And he was the type of person who felt better by punching something or someone. Preferably Luther or Diego. 

He told himself he wasn’t using this as an excuse instead of going to lunch. Because Vanya would probably be there. And he didn’t know how to act around her yet. Or what to say. Or where to look. Or how to breathe. He punched the boxing bag harder, ignoring the heat in his face.  _ What am I going to do?  _

He made sure lunch was definitely over before jumping back to his room. Grace had brought him a plate for lunch; A ham sandwich with a side of vegetables and an apple. He ate it wishing it was a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich. He wouldn’t have access to any of these foods soon. 

He was glad to interrupt his darkening thoughts with a knock at his door. He panicked for a moment, thinking it was Vanya, but was relieved to hear Pogo’s voice on the other side.

“Master Five? May I come in for a moment?” 

Five put his plate to the side and swallowed the bite of apple in his mouth. He uselessly tried not to think of Vanya’s soft hair. Jesus, his thoughts were everywhere today. 

He cleared his throat, “Yeah, Pogo. You can come in.” 

The monkey shuffled in, smiling politely. Pogo was such a strange entity in this mansion. He was subdued and polite, but could also be stern and kind. He knew the primate cared for them all, despite being a different species. 

“I just wanted to let you know that Grace is preparing your supplies today and will brief you on it all tomorrow.” Pogo said, reaching in his pocket for his watch. He checked the time, and then tucked it back into his vest.

“Okay. Thanks, Pogo.” Five replied, watching as Pogo came closer, until he was standing in front of him. Five looked up at him curiously. 

Pogo pressed his lips together as he placed a long, calloused hand on his shoulder. “Master Five, I wanted to wish you luck on your mission. I know it is taxing on your mental health to return to such a -” he paused, wrinkly eyebrows pushing together with concern, “- challenging world.” 

Five opened his mouth to thank him, but was cut off as the older monkey continued, his voice a bit softer, “Your home will always be here waiting for you. Along with your family.” Five looked into the deep oak of Pogo’s eyes and saw hope nestled there. He hoped that Five would come back. Tears threatened to emerge unexpectedly and he didn’t want to give away his emotions through the soreness of his throat. So he only nodded. 

Pogo squeezed his shoulder firmly, before turning for the door. With his back to Five, he was given the opportunity to take a deep breath following a difficult attempt at swallowing the lump in his throat. He wanted to give his caretaker some peace in knowing he would do his best to come back home. He couldn’t let Pogo’s tender heart be weighed down in worry for him. 

“Thanks, Pogo. I’ll do my best.” He called out before the chimp reached the door. It seemed that some tension released itself as he sighed with one more glance back, brandishing a grateful smile before exiting. 

That was unexpected and a bit humbling. He wanted to reassure all of his family that he was thinking straight again, and  _ was  _ planning to return home. He wasn’t doing this just for himself. 

~*~*~

After several hours of studying a chapter from his physics book, he found the change in subject to be refreshing after months of obsessing over spacetime theories. He even determined that he had enough confidence to face Vanya. Supper approached and he decided that was the best time. He could gage her mood without the stress of talking to her, at least until they were finished eating. 

He took a breath before jumping to the dinner table and instantly became discouraged. Vanya didn’t show up. Reginald didn’t acknowledge her absence, but his siblings did. They all looked worried. It relieved some of the apprehension he felt about leaving Vanya’s well being to their brothers and sister, but brought out his own anxiety.  _ Was she so annoyed with him that she couldn’t stand to look at him?  _

He ate his food quickly, the rest of the children following his lead. But, of course, they had to wait until their dear Father finished before being dismissed. He nodded curtly at Ben before appearing in his bedroom. He changed into his pajamas, not even bothering to turn on the light, the dimness of the autumn dusk glowing enough to get the job done. 

He thought to plan out a script to follow when explaining to Vanya his change of attitude, but was too anxious to give time to such a pointless strategy. Vanya had a way of catching him off guard anyway, always bringing out such a vulnerable part of him. 

So, with a deep, shaky breath, he jumped to her room. It was dark, the sun being blocked by her curtains. After a few moments of searching the obvious places Vanya could be found, his eyes dropped to her curled up form on the floor beside her bed. 

Her chin rested on her folded up arms. She looked asleep. Then, before he saw the gleam of the setting sun in her eyes, he sensed her gaze. But it wasn't heavy or threatening, just present. 

And the only thing his stupid self could think to say was, "Hi." 

He wanted to slap his palm on his face.  _ So dumb.  _

He heard a rustle as she lifted her head some and replied, "Hi." 

She didn't sound angry. She sounded soft and inviting. He restrained himself from sighing in relief and longing.  _ She loves him.  _

He didn't know what to do. Why did it suddenly become so hard to think around her? He wished for nothing more than pockets in his pajama pants to shove his hands or his entire head.

"Will you sit by me?" she asked, her tone so gentle. How could a question so simple, nearly give him cardiac arrest? 

"Y-yeah." He stuttered, practically tripping over the two and a half steps it took to get to her. He crouched beside her and plopped down, tensely holding the knee closest to her to his chest, careful not to touch. He would spontaneously combust if he made contact. 

Her head turned sideways, still lying on her arms, to glance at him. He could tell she was thinking by the worry in her brow. Before he could think about anything other than her pretty eyelashes, she said, “I’m sorry for getting so upset earlier,” she paused to look down, his heart rate increasing with her words. Would she take back what she said? Take back the feelings that made him want to survive and experience a future with her? He clenched his fists, bringing his knee closer in terrified anticipation. 

“...but I don’t regret what I said.” She exhaled the words, like she had to force them out of her. And he inhaled, not realizing he had been holding his breath. They were so synchronized, always in harmony. Since they were young children, they complimented each other like an inhale and an exhale, or light and dark. One can’t exist without the other. That dumb grin he was expecting the first time she revealed her feelings to him was now emerging. Undoubtedly, he looked as foolish as he felt.   

The thumping of his heart had the rhythm and power of a freight train, his feelings burning brightly and fueling his mouth as he turned his body to face her, “It’s okay for you to be upset. I was upset, too. I don’t want to go because I won’t see you anymore a-and I’ll miss you. But, I decided that I’m going because of what you said. I want to fix the future so we can be in it together. And-” He ran out of air, so he took another breath watching as her head slowly lifted from her arms, “I know I’ll be gone for a while, but I’ll come back. I will. You already helped me learn how to jump forward more precisely, so I know I’ll learn to travel back here soon. Besides, jumping through longer amounts of time is much easier than one stupid minute. I just need the right circumstances to practice and -” 

His last few words were muffled by Vanya’s hand pressing against his mouth. Her eyes were wide like she surprised herself and before he could think too much about his lips on her warm palm, she pulled her hand away. It hovered between them like it was meant to remind them of what just happened. He wasn’t even sure it did. 

He smiled again, but more hesitant, as he shyly took her hand and carefully wrapped both of his hands around it. He didn’t have the courage to meet her gaze anymore, so he inspected her knuckles instead. 

“I’m sorry I have to go, but I’m -” he swallowed, pushing his pride aside to make room for the humility Vanya seemed to draw out of him. He didn’t want to hold back anymore. “- I’m scared that I could lose everyone forever. I could lose  _ you  _ forever.” The fear he had nearly forgotten emerged with his words. He was realizing the hope he shrouded himself in since the morning couldn’t fabricate itself without his greatest fear influencing its creation. 

He was glad it was dark in the room now, so Vanya couldn’t see the tears dripping from his nose to leave marks on his cotton pants. To his embarrassment, her other hand found the side of his face, clearly discovering the wetness there. He looked up at her hand’s request, and immediately lost his composure, a sob strangling him. 

She brought her hand up behind his head to tug it down to her shoulder. The water from his eyes were soaked up by her shirt as he allowed himself to break down once again. Through his crying, he wanted to reassure her and himself, “B-But I’m going to be back soon. I don’t want to stay there, so I’m not going to. I want to be here with you.” She probably thought he sounded pouty towards the end, and maybe he was. Everyone always said he was stubborn like it was a bad thing. His determination would bring him home. 

“I know.” She whispered tenderly, expressing herself through the slow strokes her fingers combed into the back of his head. Already, his outburst was subsiding. “I want you to be with me, too.” Her cheek met his ear as she nestled against him. Her originally captured hand restlessly stirred in between both of his as she sighed, “But I know you have a big job.” She chuckled lightly, some tightness stifling it, “You know, with saving the world and all.” He knew she was holding back. Or being brave. Whatever it was, it still made him sad. “I’ll be here waiting. However long it takes.” She sniffed, wetness touched the top of his ear, “I know you’ll come home.” 

Their proximity was a much needed comfort for Five. Whenever they had a moment like this, he didn’t know how badly he craved it until it was happening. And he never wanted it to end. His heart clenched painfully. 

Vanya’s jaw popped in his ear as she yawned long and hard, little gasps carrying it out even longer. He didn’t know much of what happened the night before, but he had the feeling she lost sleep over it. 

He unwillingly sat back, hoping he could somehow lure her into continuing the attention on his hair when they laid down, and asked, “Do you want to go to sleep?” 

It was more of a rhetorical question considering the night approaching. Even if it was still early, he would gladly go to sleep now. But, she responded with a shake of her head. Her eyes obscured by her bangs. 

He ducked to possibly read her expression through the heavy shadow of her hair and growing darkness. “Vanya? What’s wrong?” 

She turned her face away, her withdrawal contradicting their recent affections. She tried to take her hand away from him as well, but he held on firmly. Something was definitely wrong. 

“Vanya.” He said, catching the harshness in his voice and remedying it by gently rubbing her hand, “Tell me what’s wrong. Don’t keep things from me anymore.” 

He watched as his words influenced her and she gradually turned back to him, keeping her eyes down. She wiped her cheek on her shoulder and whispered, “I don’t want to sleep.” 

He felt a concerned scowl touch his face as he studied her, “Why not?”

Her shoulders scrunched up in disregard of her own misery, “I’m scared.” The indifference in her body dropped immediately, shaking like a crisp, dried up leaf instead. Her head hung as if ashamed, skinny shoulders drooping forward to make her seem even smaller and more fragile. 

“Vanya,” he whispered, his own voice almost matching the sadness in her little gasps, “Why are you scared?” He took her other hand, worrying at them gathered in his wanting to bring some peace and warmth into them. 

She took a stuttering breath, head still bowed, “I had this really bad dream that everyone was dead. And I had to look at them all -” She choked on a sob, shuddering as he moved to hold her tightly, like she did for him minutes ago. “I think it was me. I did it.” 

“Vanya, you would never hurt anyone. It was only a dream,” he murmured into her hair. The anger he felt for his father expanded with Vanya’s paranoia that she was dangerous. He did this to her. But he shoved it down, knowing that she needed his understanding more than the resentment he held for Reginald. 

She was shaking her head, the cries becoming almost detached, her body sagging against him. “I said I wanted to hurt Dad. It was me, I know it.” He was mimicking her soothing actions from before, smoothing her hair down from the top of her head all the way down her back. “I don’t want to see it again. I’m scared.” 

He could feel her hands tremble with her words. She was really terrified.

“Vanya, I’ll be here with you. If you get scared, I’ll be right next to you.” His words seemed to calm her, her breathing evening out. “We can help each other.” He paused, realizing that he knew what she was feeling, “I need you to remind me that I’m not... in the future. You can help me, and I’ll help you.” She only sniffed now, quietly wiping at her eyes. “Okay?” He asked, pulling away to help her with the wetness on her cheeks, brushing gently with his knuckles. 

She nodded, still hiding her face from him. He began to stand up, pulling on her hands as he went. He kept her hand in his as he moved the blankets back and crawled in carefully. He pulled her in behind him, following his lead. She didn’t say a word at the hitch in his breathing as she settled along his arm, her head resting in the crook of his shoulder. Her hair tickled his cheek as he brought the covers up over them both, now naturally succumbing to her implication and dubiously wrapping his arms around her body. He tried to steady his heart rate by reminding himself that it was just like their hugs when they were standing. But now they were laying down  _ and definitely cuddling _ . He made a face at himself, staring wide-eyed toward the other wall, resisting the urge to run a palm down his face in an attempt to wipe his thoughts away. Diego’s stupid voice explaining the point of cuddling rudely echoed in his burning ears. 

As he stuffed equations between his thoughts, eventually suffocating his boyish tendencies, Vanya’s hands twitched on his chest, signaling her slumber. She must have been really exhausted. 

He couldn’t see her face with it tucked down under his chin and he was kind of disappointed. When she slept, the wrinkle in her brow was gone and he thought she finally looked peaceful. That’s all he wanted for her; To be happy and unafflicted by worry. Preferably with him, but if that wasn’t possible, then he wanted it for her anyway. In the present and the future. 

He quietly sighed, resting his chin on the top of her head. “ _ Only two more days,”  _ he thought. Then, he almost bit through his tongue in frustrated realization. He didn’t tell her how he felt yet. After that entirely ridiculous speech,  _ and he didn’t say he loved her.  _ Ben wiggled his way into his exasperation, burrowing holes further into his apparently decrepit brain:  _ “You are one of the smartest and stupidest people I know.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing this chapter, all I could imagine was Five in the fetal position singing, "Hooked on a Feeling," in the saddest voice, with the brothers dancing around chanting, "Ooga chaka, ooga ooga ooga chaka."  
> "I'm hooked on a feeling,  
> and I'm high on believing,  
> that you're in love with me!"  
> Aaaaanyway, let me know what you think about love-wrecked Five! Lol it was fun to put in little details of his pining over Vanya and the exasperation with himself. Sigh, good stuff.  
> FYI for those who are probably disappointed that I'm not posting chapters as regularly anymore, I'M SO SORRY. The school year has officially started and it's a very busy time :((( I will continue to write in my free time, but I won't be posting as frequently. PLEASEFORGIVEME  
> You are all amazing and make me feel so good. I can't thank you enough for the support and love. I wish I could send all 1,205 (!!!) of you who left kudos a small nugget of my heart. <3<3<3


	27. Part 1 - No holding back

Vanya sighed. There was so much going on and she was completely overwhelmed, but she couldn’t bring herself to drop all of her plans. Not when it would make Five’s departure a little easier for him. 

She clenched her fist harder than she needed to, and reached up to knock on Luther’s door. 

It was pretty early yet, and she wasn’t even sure if he would be ready for breakfast. She needed to get her project in place, or it wouldn’t be done in time. But, she should have known better, as Luther appeared at the door in less than a few seconds. It was like he was waiting for someone to need him, always so eager in case there was an emergency. He was their Number One after all. 

The intensity of his posture lessened as his head tilted down to her level, noticing that it was just her and not a dangerous intruder. He cocked his head with a questioning look. 

“Uh, good morning. Is everything okay?” He asked opening his door wider, revealing a neat, plain room behind him. The only interesting part were the model airplanes hovering above his bed as if in battle formation. 

Heat rose into her face, the request caught in her throat. “G-Good morning, Luther. Nothing to worry about. I -,” Their interactions were far and few between, similar to Diego but with more formality than intimidation. She knew Luther was kind and would protect his siblings at any cost. Unless it interfered with a mission, however. There were many instances that she learned through Five or Klaus that he endangered someone’s life to complete a mission efficiently. Or pushed someone too far beyond their limits to satisfy Dad’s unreasonable expectations. She did her best not to hold those secondhand stories against him, as she wasn’t there or understood the circumstances. However, it did develop an inkling of a bias. 

She took a breath, fidgeting at the pleat in her skirt, “I- uh, I wanted to let you know that we’re going to Griddy’s tonight for Five.” She silently scolded herself.  _ Stop being a coward. _

“Oh, that sounds good. The usual time?” He asked, his voice lowering as if they were being spied on. She supposed it was possible for Reginald to hide recorders, but ever since Five left for the future, he removed the blatantly obvious cameras in everyone’s rooms. Whether it was out of uncharacteristic guilt, or he was satisfied with the data he had already collected, they were gone as far as she could tell. Five wouldn’t have been allowed to stay with her every night if they still existed. And if there were hidden recorders, their father would have ended their nightly habits long ago. She couldn’t tell Luther that though. 

“Yup!” She replied a little too high pitched. 

Her larger brother raised his eyebrows and glanced around as if she was used as a distraction in some greater scheme. “I’ll see you at breakfast, then.” He concluded, moving to shut his door. 

She dug her fingernails into her palm and stuttered, “I-I, um, I had a question. Or a request actually, if you don’t mind.” She finished weakly, focusing her eyes on the buttons in his shirt, his tie not yet in place for the day.

He turned back to her in surprise and cocked his head again. “Sure.”

“C-Can I borrow your tape recorder?”

~*~*~

She almost wished she hadn’t rejected the little white pill that morning. Her day was going to be filled with many opportunities for anxiety. 

Talking to Luther turned out to be very successful, as he enthusiastically instructed her on how to use the recorder and very generously offered his precious walkman to the cause, wanting Five to have something reliable to play the tape. Before she left, he even started to pick through his collection for more tapes to send with their time traveling brother. 

Then, she needed to tell Five he couldn’t visit her during violin practice. She didn’t know how much like a sad puppy he could look. Normally if something disappointed him, he would sternly dismiss it, feigning indifference, whether the rejection bothered him or not. He literally drooped like he had floppy ears and a tail dragging behind him. She couldn’t stand to see him so disheartened, so she revealed that she was working on a surprise for him and that she would see him that night for Griddy’s. Again, the image of a dog would not leave her mind as he perked up in excitement. 

After agonizing over her recording for Five that afternoon, she passed it off to her siblings to leave a message. They were all very excited about the idea, unused to contributing to a single project and giving a meaningful gift. However, she had a suspicion that everyone was more thrilled about it being a secret kept from their impatient Number Five than a sentimental favor. They teased him with it the entire afternoon to Vanya’s mortified chagrin. Thankfully, she wouldn’t have to experience his wrath until later that night. 

Supper seemed to drag on forever with the prospect of an eventful night. But, it did end and she was rushed away by Allison and Klaus. Five didn’t stand a chance against their whirlwind of urgency. 

The next stressful event took place in Allison’s bedroom and at some points, her closet. She was given varying degrees of outfits, either designed by her brother or sister. She almost preferred the thoughtful ensembles from Klaus over Allison’s picks. But eventually, her two fashion savvy siblings managed to create a modest and comfortable look she could accept. It was her first time wearing civilian clothes, and she found them to be much more enjoyable than she expected. Somehow, jeans were comparably more comfortable than a skirt. 

As she watched Allison change in and out of clothes, adding or omitting as she pleased, Klaus braided little strands into her hair. She liked the way they looked, barely peeking through to tease the onlooker.

“Can you teach me how to braid my hair?” She asked shyly, admiring Klaus’s work in the mirror. 

“Sure!”

“I would love to!” 

They both replied simultaneously and then glared at each other. 

“Mom ties his shoes. I’ll teach you to braid your hair, Vanya.” Allison scoffed, adjusting a rainbow colored clip in her hair.  

“I can tie my own shoes! I just choose not to.” Klaus retorted, acting like he was flipping long hair over his shoulder, his curls bouncing sporadically. He finished off the third braid, letting it bury itself in the rest of her hair. “Besides,” Klaus sat back wistfully, “ _ everyone  _ knows you shouldn’t brush curls, and yet here she is -” he gestured toward their sister teasing the ends of her frizzy hair, “- acting like she’s Alicia Keys.” 

Allison groaned and rolled her eyes, “Yeah, because you know better than  _ Alicia Keys’  _ goddamn hair stylist, Klaus.” 

“I’m just saying, you’re ruining your curls for a ridiculous fro. I would never touch my beautiful locks with that instrument of destruction!” He caressed his hair gently as if protecting them from the brush in Allison’s hand. She didn’t follow their argument at all. She couldn’t imagine skipping out on brushing her messy hair in the morning. Maybe it didn’t matter for people with straight hair. 

Allison sighed loudly, pulling and arranging the bright tops she had layered so they could all be seen. Vanya thought it looked kind of silly, but she didn’t know enough about clothes to judge. Guaranteed, Allison’s fashion sense was much more refined than hers. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts as Klaus bumped her shoulder and repeated his question, “So is all of this for Five?” He winked, nudging her again. 

“I thought it would be nice for all of us to hang out before he left.” She shrugged in response. 

They both laughed and shook their heads in exasperation. Allison giggled, “No, silly! Dressing up! Though, I wouldn’t consider a sweater and jeans as dressing up. You would look so much cuter in something like this!” She held up a powder blue dress with a mesh layer embroidered with butterflies. 

“It’s a little cold for something like that…” She said admiring the fluttery nature of it. Maybe she could try it when it got warmer and Five was back.

“You aren’t answering the question, Miss V!” Klaus sang in a high pitched voice. They all laughed, but then fell to a quiet lull as Allison and Klaus stared expectantly at her. 

She felt her face heat up at the attention and whispered, “I mean, kind of. I also wanted to try something different.” 

Allison tackled her from over the chair she was sitting in, and hugged her around the neck. “You are  _ so  _ cute. He’s going to love it.” 

The blush deepened, as she returned the affection and Klaus’s eye contact in the mirror. He had his hands clutched under his chin with an exaggerated look of blissfulness. 

After that, Ben quietly knocked on the door to signal their departure. Everyone had already prepared their rooms with a lump of clothes as disguise under the blankets and the lights off. 

Luther, Diego, and Five were already waiting at the bottom of the fire escape. They actually looked to be deep in conversation, unusual for the trio, but quickly snapped out of it when they saw the rest of them. 

“I’m  _ so _ ready for some donuts!” Klaus declared, skipping the last few rungs to jump to the ground. 

“Be quiet!” Luther shushed him. “We don’t want to wake up Dad or Pogo.” 

“Oh, stop being so paranoid, Space Boy.” Diego scoffed, turning to leave. 

She was the last one getting to the bottom of the ladder. She hurriedly took the last two rungs, struggling to find the ground. A hand on her back steadied her descent. She turned to thank them and found Five at her elbow. 

She smiled, his closeness bringing a blush into her cheeks, “Thanks, Five. I’m not used to these kinds of shoes yet.” Thinking herself clever for subtly bringing his attention to her wardrobe change. It probably wasn’t very obvious with her peacoat on. She was a bit disappointed the weather wasn’t warmer tonight so her new look could be fully displayed.

His eyes were dark and shining from the streetlight at the mouth of the alleyway. She could barely make out his features, but he was completely still. Unmoving. 

She turned further to face him, concern in her voice, “Five?” 

It was like a switch turned on and his brain stuttered to life, “Uh, yeah. Y-your shoes.” He took a step back as if to get a better look at them, “They’re nice.” 

She only blinked at him, confused. The were only converse. Even she had seen them before. “Um, thanks.” She replied, staring down at the plain white laces and black canvas. 

“Good one, Romeo.” Ben chuckled, hooking an arm over his brother’s shoulders. 

It was like the action startled Five and he jerked his head to look at the smaller boy. His nose flared and he ducked out of his hold. “Shut up. I like her shoes, okay?” He crossed his arms, looking away.

Ben grinned at her and she watched as he took Five’s shoulders again and steered him in the direction of the streetlights. 

Allison was suddenly beside her, lacing their arms together and giggling. “He’s totally in love with you. Boys are so dumb when they’re around pretty girls. You should have seen Luther’s face the first time I wore a shirt that didn’t have a collar. I thought his eyes would pop out!” 

They were walking down the sidewalk, passing in front of the darkened Academy. She peered at Five’s back, observing him struggle to push off Ben and now a grabby Klaus. Were her shoes really the only thing he noticed about her tonight? She wanted him to see the little braids she admired so much. 

As they made their way to Griddy’s, their previous pairings shuffled and a chatty Allison ended up walking coyly beside Luther, her clunky black shoes showing an obvious change in height for her as she had expressed her hope for earlier in the night. Ben strolled beside Vanya, his hands in the pockets of his matching wool coat. They were predicting the next events of Klaus’s antics. Either the glittery stickers he continued to stick on the back of Diego’s jacket would be found out from Allison’s stifled giggles, or by Klaus’s facetious compliments he used as an excuse to slap Diego on the back. 

Soon, his prank was revealed by a dryly, unamused Five. He must have been tired of trying to bring a raging and confused Diego back to their comic book discussion after each placement of the shiny little Care Bears. She only knew what they were because Allison had a plushie of the one with the rainbow on its belly. Vanya thought they were adorable. Perhaps she could ask for one on their next birthday. 

“I’m gonna  _ kill you,  _ Klaus!” Diego shouted, taking off after a maniacally giddy Klaus. He always surprised them all with how good he was at evading capture. His dexterity always allowed him to twist and pull until he was out of his offender’s grasp. 

Diego was shouting a string of impressive curses, rivaling the vulgarity of an adult, when Five slowed his pace and met up on her other side. A scowl crinkled his face severely. “Stupid Klaus. I just want to talk about the new Batman issue. I haven't had time to read it and I won't before I leave." He punched at Klaus's arm as he ran by them and grumbled sullenly, "I want to know what happens, dammit." 

Ben looked on at the two boys running and yelling in front of them and sighed, "You already know he’s going to die and then come back. Unlike Klaus, who will just die and not come back if I don't go do something." 

Ben and Luther jogged up to them and pried Diego's fingers from Klaus's reddened ears before their screams brought enough attention to them that someone would call the police. 

She peeked at Five trudging beside her, glowering at the scene they approached. He looked displeased and generally perturbed by everything. Her heart dropped sadly. 

“You don’t look very happy.” She said, quietly. They stood a few yards off from their siblings as they resolved the fight and continued on their way to their destination. 

His mouth tightened and pushed his cheeks until his dimples appeared. “I’ll be better once we get there. It’s too damn cold to be out tonight.” He seemed to be avoiding her eyes as he said it, nestling further into his scarf. The night was brisk with the threat of winter on its way, but she didn’t find it to be unbearable. She actually loved the way the air got crisper during the fall. She didn’t get to experience it very often, being cooped up in The Academy, so she relished in it when she had the chance. 

The urge to comfort him made her fingers tingle. “ _I told myself I wouldn’t hold back tonight.”_ She reminded herself, the next part of her plan and the source of most of her stress for the day, overthrowing her restraint. She reached out and brushed his cheek with her knuckles, gaining a slight twitch from him. He really must have been cold as she realized long pants replaced the normal short slacks of their uniform and the scarf wrapped firmly around his neck. 

“It won’t be much farther, then we can warm up.” She murmured, nervousness finally pushing her to remove her hand. But he caught it as it grazed the soft thread of his red scarf. 

Their eyes met as they slowed to a stop, his hand holding hers in the spot she began to withdraw. “Why do you get to be so warm?” He grumbled, pulling her back to press her fingers to his face again. The heat in her nearly consumed her at his action and started to pool in her stomach. 

The whole point of the night was to make his leaving easier. But also to learn more about their relationship. Her confession was still fresh in her mind. And his lack of response to it was even fresher. Yes, he was very clear about needing her and wanting to return to her, but why? She had a good feeling that their affections were similar, but she needed it confirmed before he left.   _ “If you don’t share the way you feel, you’ll regret it, maybe forever.”  _ Allison’s words became louder and more urgent over the last two days, and now she wished someone had told Five the same thing. Maybe then, he would say the words she hoped for. 

She smiled shyly, enjoying the attention from him. She opened her hand so she could cover more area, wanting to actually help him feel warmer. Not that she could tell what his temperature was through her own flickering heat. 

He leaned into her further closing his eyes and then opening them to add grudgingly, “And you’re not even wearing a scarf.” He took a strand of her hair in his other hand and smirked crookedly, setting her heart off chaotically, “It must be all of your hair keeping you warm.” He tugged lightly, drawing out a wider smile. His eyes stayed on hers until he looked passed her to squint at her hair, bending slightly to see it closer. “ _ He’s going to see the braids!”  _ She thought gleefully. 

Suddenly, Diego appeared in the edge of her vision. She was so startled, she ripped her hand from Five in embarrassment, and felt a sharp pain at her scalp. Five had jumped as well, jerking the lock of hair in his hand in surprise of their visitor. 

“What the hell, Diego?!” Five snapped, a little out of breath. Vanya grimaced and massaged her scalp. They were at a standstill, close enough now to Griddy’s Doughnuts for the fluorescent donut being dipped in a mug, to illuminate the frustration in Five’s eyes and the rest of their siblings waiting nearby. 

“C’mon! We’re literally here!” Klaus motioned wildly at the diner, “You guys can have  _ alone time _ later!” He wiggled his fingers at them suggestively and giggled when Five stomped by him angrily. She looked after him in disappointment. He didn’t get to see the braids. 

“Just a  _ minute! _ ” Diego shouted back. He was turned away from her and said over his shoulder, “Are there anymore f-fucking s-stickers on my back?” He was pulling at the fabric on his shoulder, struggling to look for himself. Ben was walking up to them as she glared at the wool, searching for a glare that might give them away. 

“I don’t see any -” She started, but then a glint of silver snagged her eye. “- wait! There’s one here.” She reached out and peeled off a shiny green bear with a clover on its stomach. 

Diego turned back to her and scowled at the little cartoon. “Thanks, Vanya. I can’t trust  _ some  _ people.” He whipped his head to stare at a chuckling Ben. Vanya smiled in return and stuck the lucky bear on her collar. She didn’t mind looking a little childish. “I knew you would never lie to me.” Diego continued, his voice taking on an odd quietness. She looked up from the sticker curiously and found Ben’s eyebrows plummeting severely.

“Diego,  _ don’t. _ ” He warned. 

She opened her mouth to question their strange behavior. Diego’s lips pursed and he said stubbornly, “It isn’t fair. She deserves to know -” His words were abruptly cut off as Ben swung an arm around his head and clapped his hand over his mouth. Diego struggled to free himself of the chokehold Ben had him in while also covering his mouth. 

“Don’t pay any attention to him, Vanya. He’s just being an idiot like usual!” He called out the last bit as he dragged their brother toward the front of the restaurant. Just like Klaus, Ben could easily be underestimated and overlooked as someone who was weak. Yet, he was far from it. 

She stood by herself in the cool night, stunned by her brothers’ exchange. What were they talking about? It was definitely something about her, which was unusual. Nothing was about her. At least, not until her struggle with her medication. And that wasn’t a topic of concern for anyone but herself and maybe Five, since she hadn’t shared that she quit taking them only yesterday. Maybe they were wanting to tell her about the dangerous amount Klaus declared their father was administering to her. 

She wrapped her arms around herself. Suddenly, she was feeling self conscious. They all knew about the medicine. Did they think differently of her? Would they be relieved or disappointed to find out she secretly stopped taking them? 

Her thoughts were falling down the wrong hole for the purpose of the night, so she shook her head warily, and followed her family into the brightly lit eatery. She would have to ask Ben about it later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only part 1 of this chapter. I was writing and writing and then I was like "I wonder how long it is so far" and BAM I was at 4500 words and I still had a lot planned. I've decided I'm going to start splitting chapters up when they're long like that so I'm not torturing myself trying to get a chapter out, and all you lovely people don't have to wait as long for me to post! I've started part 2, but again, work is overwhelming right now so I can't say when it will be up.
> 
> I don't know if you noticed.... But I'm having a lot of fun looking up clothes and hairstyles from the early 2000s! I was around their age at that time too, so it was great (and horrifying) to think back on what I used to wear. Comment something you remember from that time and maybe I can reference it! I like writing in those weird little details lol
> 
> Thank you all for your patience and support! <3


	28. Part II - No holding back

As she entered, the heavy, comforting scent of coffee and baked goods eased her mind. Her brothers and sister were crowded around a booth, removing their coats and sliding onto the plastic benches. She remained frozen for a terrified moment that they had forgotten her. If she left, would they notice she had gone? 

Before she stumbled down another path of insecurity, Klaus was singing her name while the rest waved her over. Tears were nearing the edges of her eyes. They actually wanted her there. She knew there were several times that the six of them snuck out for donuts to celebrate successful missions, and failed to invite her. Why would they? She didn’t have anything to celebrate with them. But, tonight was different. They were all there for Five and she felt that she _actually_ belonged to their family. So much had changed. 

“There you are!” Allison exclaimed, nudging her into their chaos of flinging scarves and laughter. 

“What were you doing out there?” She heard a grumpy voice at her side. Five’s frown might have been seen as angry at first, but she knew the pucker in his eyebrows were worried. 

“Ah, I got a little caught up in some thoughts. Sorry to make you wait.” She replied, smiling apologetically at him. 

His jaw jutted out as he muttered, “You weren’t doing those dumb breathing exercises you _don’t_ need, I hope.” Again, he expressed his aversion to her belief that the exercises she practiced to calm herself were necessary. Especially now without her medication, it was more vital than ever to stay aware. It wasn’t completely confirmed that they were used to keep possible violent fits from surfacing, but she couldn’t just ignore the evidence pointing to it being true. The latest indication being the horrific dream, urging her further into her efforts of cognizance. 

She took a breath and sighed, shaking her head and grinning. “No, Five. Just enjoying the weather.” 

He glared at her as she giggled a little and turned her attention to the buttons on her jacket. She was sliding it down her shoulders when she heard a thump. She looked up to see Luther gracefully holding Allison’s jacket and gesturing for her to take a seat. Allison smiled up at him and then turned a piercing gaze to someone behind her. Chilled fingertips brushed her neck as they gripped her collar, gently pulling the scratchy fabric from her shoulders. She shivered and glanced to see Five draping both of their coats over his arm. 

The scarf was still in place over the plain white button-up from his uniform, but The Academy jacket was absent. “Oh, thanks.” She said, blush rising into her cheeks. Then, Klaus came from behind and tugged Five's scarf, the knot tightening around his neck. 

Five grimaced angrily and hissed, "What the _hell_ , Klaus?!" She was already shooing their brother away as Five struggled to loosen the tangle. He was having a hard time with the bulky wool coats in his arms, though. 

So she said, "Let me help." And reached up to wiggle her fingers into the folds. She had to work at it a little, raising her elbows up to pull gently so as not to stretch the stitches. She pulled the end through and was unraveling its length from around his neck. 

"There." She confirmed, glancing back at Five. His face was rosy and his wide eyes were staring down. She followed his gaze and yelped with embarrassment. 

She had forgotten what she was wearing. The ribbed-knit, yellow and white striped sweater was short enough that the slightest raise of her arms revealed her skin. Her bellybutton was peeking out just below the seam and just above the leather string that fastened her jeans together. 

She dropped the scarf and hastily stretched the fabric down over her belly. "Sorry!" She squeaked, unsure if her face had melted off by now in mortification. "I wanted to tuck it in, but Allison and Klaus said I'd look like a dork." 

Klaus laughed loudly and poked Five's cheek, bringing him out of his blank look. "Aww, you broke Five." Her brother slid into the booth beside Luther and leaned over him, speaking to Allison. "You owe me ten bucks." 

She glared after Klaus, gaining satisfied grins from both siblings. She heard Luther scolding them as Five took her elbow and urged her toward the table. He cleared his throat and whispered, "You look nice."

She glanced up at him through her bangs, still incredibly unsettled. His features were soft and reassuring, the redness in his face still lingering. Somehow it calmed and excited her all at the same time. 

“Th-thanks. You, too.” She breathed, timidly. 

As she scooted in next to Ben, Five followed, tucking their coats off to the side. Once he was finished, she watched as he casually laid his hand over hers, resting between them. He looked at her once, a darkness in the depths of his sapphire eyes, and then away. She had the strongest feeling that he was determined not to take this night for granted either. Like she had promised herself. There wasn’t time for holding back. She squeezed his fingers.

“How about a couple dozen donuts to share?” Luther asked with a sense of authority that made it seem like the decision had already been made. 

“Umm, how about we get what _we_ want. We’re not here to stop a bank heist.” Diego said with scorn, getting a steely look from their Number One. “I want pancakes.” 

Klaus began convulsing, holding a hand to his chest. “Pancakes are blasphemous! Waffles are far superior, heathen!” 

This launched everyone into a debate on the better option. She thought it was lighthearted and fun, watching with satisfaction as Five got into the conversation, supporting his opinion logically. Waffles really were much more practical. The convenient, built-in wells for syrup, made for a strong argument, and she was beginning to be swayed to their side. Maybe the fact that Five was trying to convince her, made her more willing to change her mind. She didn’t know, but she also didn’t care. 

Eventually, the pale haired waitress made her way to their table. She was familiar with them, but seemed oblivious to their true crime fighting personas. Her smile was kind and patient as she took Diego’s stuttered order for pancakes, because even Five’s stubbornness was rivaled when it came to Diego proving he was right about something. The rest of them ordered their food; Luther and Allison sharing a dozen donuts, Klaus, Five and Ben ordering the waffle supreme, and the standard waffle for herself. She didn’t know who was paying, so she didn’t want to be too frivolous with her choice. She certainly didn’t have money. 

Once their requests for food were made, they fell back into their earlier banter. 

“Since you’re missing our birthday, would that mean you don’t get to turn fourteen, Number Five?” Klaus teased, waggling his eyebrows. 

“That’s not how it works, dummy.” Diego rolled his eyes. He was seated beside the window, stacking sugar packets and jelly containers into a structure of some kind. 

Luther leaned forward thoughtfully, “Just because he isn’t in the present, doesn’t mean he stops aging. I think -”   

“Why don’t you leave the explanation to the person who actually knows what their talking about?” Five interrupted, squinting his eyes disapprovingly. “Technically, I’m older than all of you. My consciousness lived three weeks longer than the week that passed for you all when I was in the future,” he waved his finger and grinned, his canines gleaming confidently, “so that makes me your older brother.” 

Vanya giggled as they all stared in disbelief at him, their mouths gaping open in a confused silence. Allison curled her lip and rolled her eyes. “You’re so full of shit.” 

Then, Five’s cocky look dropped and arrogance pushed his lips into a bitter smile. “Considering I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time, means that I am not the one full of shit, _your_ brain is.”

“That makes no sense.” Diego vaguely commented, voicing everyone’s thoughts. 

Five’s chin jutted out in irritation, “Well it would, if you were smarter.”

“Does that mean we can call you Grandpa?” Ben said from her other side, egging on Five. 

She watched as Luther’s mouth pressed together and his eyebrows rose higher with each addition to the conversation, appearing more bewildered by the second. They made eye contact from across the table and she smiled raising her own eyebrows in confirmation that she was as confused as he was. 

He leaned forward, causing the table to creak, and said in a hushed voice, “Guys, I think Five is just mad because we won’t tell him about the surprise.” And then shrugged, reclining to enjoy the storm of their siblings occur. Vanya was taken aback by Luther’s obvious manipulation of the conversation. She didn’t think she had ever seen him purposely antagonize any of them for his entertainment. That was more of a Klaus move. 

“Vanya is the mastermind behind it all. Maybe you can get it out of her!” Klaus declared, exchanging a mischievous grin with Allison. 

She watched with horror as they all turned their attention to her. Five snapped his head to the side, startling her, and producing another toothy smirk. His eyebrow cocked deviously and he tightened his hold on her hand. 

His mouth opened as his eyes squinted and she leaned away, hyper aware of all of the eyes still on them. Suddenly, they all became distracted by the placing of plates and glasses on the table. Five, however, continued his pursuit of her.

Their shoulders were pressed together as he extended his neck to whisper in her ear, “I have an idea of how to get it out of you.” She might as well have exploded, but was thankful for the matronly waitress asking him a question to bring him swiveling away, before his hot breath ignited the fuse.

The memory of the night she kissed Five unrelentlessly clamped itself onto her current feelings like an alligator to its prey. They were both so unruly in their actions, gravitating and adhering to each other like they were magnets. The similar way her heart thumped wildly at his determined closeness and boldness toward her, brought out the giddy hope for being alone with him at some point in the night. She glanced down at his hand curling around hers to her palm, and failed to hold back a small smile. 

The table was full with heaps of donuts and absurdly decadent plates of waffles. She almost couldn’t spot the highly preferred breakfast item under all of the strawberries and whipped cream hiding it. 

She reluctantly slid her hand from Five’s and muttered, “Sorry, I need my hand to eat.” 

He frowned at her, and said, “You should work on being left-handed.” 

She rolled her eyes at him and received an amused grin, as she turned to her plain waffle and began buttering it. 

Klaus was sitting across from her, comically acting like he was literally going to dig into his mound with a fork in each hand. But he paused to stare sadly at Vanya. 

“What?” She asked, reaching for the syrup. The waitress must have forgotten the blueberry flavor, so she had to settle for the normal maple syrup. 

“That is the saddest -” He sniffed dramatically, wiping an invisible tear from his eye, “- waffle I have _ever_ seen.”

She rolled her eyes and replied, sarcasm heavy in her voice, “I just prefer not to lose all of my teeth before I turn twenty.” 

Again, everyone turned to gape at her. She looked around with wide eyes. 

“ _Damn._ Better get some ice for that burn, Klaus.” Allison snapped her fingers, her hair bobbing with the movement of her head sliding to the side. 

They all laughed as she blinked, unsure how to react. 

“Good one.” Five nudged her. She glanced at him and he winked, before turning to his own sugar loaded meal. The heat filled her, once again, and she looked everywhere but at him. Klaus met her eyes and winked, a stupid grin on his face like before. Allison and Klaus were making tonight incredibly more difficult, their scheme obvious. She stuck her tongue out at him and turned back to her waffle. 

The food slowly dissipated as it made its way to the teenagers’ stomachs. Five even offered some of his precious dessert to her. For an embarrassing moment, she thought he would have her eat from his fork, but he hastily shoved the bite in his mouth and gestured for her to take some on her own. She thought he and Klaus were having a staring match during the whole charade, but she forgot about their strange behavior as she regretfully savored the fluffy, rich flavors of the waffle supreme. After Five teased her about making a poor choice for her order, she reminded him that he was invalidating his argument that waffles were better because he defeated the purpose of the built-in wells holding anything when there was an excess amount of topping. Her siblings backed her up with more comments about burning or roasting him. She didn’t understand the jargon, but was rewarded with another heart-stopping expression from Five. 

The server, named Agnes, Luther all reminded them as he thanked her for leaving the bill with them, cleaned up the discarded napkins and sticky plates as Klaus pulled out a roll of twenty dollar bills. 

“And where did you get those?” Ben inquired stiffly, glaring at the money. 

“None of your beeswax, Benny Boy.” He replied airily, looking down his nose as he flipped through the bills and pulled out a couple. 

“That better not be Dad’s -” Luther started, reverting back to his authoritative tone. 

“Who cares. We needed tonight paid for. There’s no one better to fund our going away party, than the asshole forcing Five to leave.” Diego snapped, flicking the sugar packet Ben was trying to gather with the rest the louder boy used as building blocks. 

Ben carefully, but quickly, placed them back in the metal rack, prodding her side in signal for her to get out of the booth. She turned to Five to pass on the message and found him already standing. According to the rapid tap of his foot, he was exasperated and restless. 

“Hurry up before Diego starts a scene.” Five muttered, holding her coat open. As she slipped out of the seat and stood, Diego’s and Luther’s voices were becoming louder. 

“He isn’t forcing Five to do anything -”

“Oh? Because dear old Dad would _never_ force us to do something we didn’t want to do. Right, Ben?” 

She looked back at Ben as she buttoned her coat and found a very stony look chiseling his features. 

“Can’t we just have a nice family dinner for once?” Klaus sighed, stretching and reaching for Ben. He steered them towards the door, pushing at Ben’s back and waving dismissively. 

She was brought back to the current conversation when a loud bang sounded on the table. It was Five with his hands flat, fingers spread with his tendons flexing. 

“It’s funny. Because you’re both right for once.” His face was tight, dimples forming around his angry smirk. “Dad _is_ forcing me to go before I’m ready, _but_ !” He held up a finger and his lips thinned as he bared his teeth, “ _I’m_ choosing to go to stop the end of the world. You know, so you assholes can have a future to continue to be stupid in.” 

He spun on his heel and mumbled, “I gotta take a piss.” Before stomping over to the back corner of the restaurant. Luckily, it was late enough that the only other customer was an unperturbed trucker with his back to their noisy dispute. 

She turned back to her red-faced brothers and solemn sister. Allison touched Luther’s shoulder and whispered, “Let’s go.” They both stood, shame eminent in Luther’s slow movements. Allison smiled weakly at her before heading for the door. 

She was left alone with Diego. She wanted to say something to help soothe some of the indignation radiating off of him, but didn’t know how to talk to him. She could ask what he meant earlier when he said she deserved to know something, but thought better of it in the current situation. 

She opened her mouth to at least apologize. For what, she didn’t know, but it was the best she could do. He abruptly stood and met her eyes, startling her enough to take a step back. 

“Do what you have to do when the time comes. I won’t blame you.” His voice was rough and his eyes dark. He turned and left before she could even gather enough sense to ask what he meant. She was beyond confused, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Mayfriend for the idea to have Five brag about being older than the rest of them! It was fun to write that in :)) 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this part! Again, so sorry for the delay (I'm literally posting this before I go to work because I can't do it any other time), but I've been dealing with parent-teacher conferences and a sick husband since the last post! Next part is on the way! 
> 
> Love to you all for the unrelenting support! I can't thank you enough! <3 <3 <3


	29. Part III - No holding back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's worth the wait!

“Hey -” Five said from behind her. She jumped and twisted to see him. He stopped buttoning his coat and scowled at her in concern. “Are you alright?” 

She rubbed the cuff of her sleeve between her fingers as she worked to calm her breathing. “Yeah.” She responded a little too high pitched. He cocked an eyebrow and she continued, wanting to bring his attention somewhere other than her, “Everyone already left.” 

He glanced at the table as he finished adjusting his scarf and shrugged. “Good.” 

Now  _ she  _ was concerned. She wanted tonight to be relaxing and a time to spend together as a family before he left. It was exactly that, until moments ago when Diego and Luther brought up another subject they disagreed on, chasing everyone else away and putting Five in another foul mood. She frowned deeply at his reply. 

“Let’s go, Vanya.” He called from a few yards away. She didn’t realize he was trying to leave, her thoughts luring her away from reality again. 

She apologized as she scurried up to his side. The same suspicious worry lingered in his features as he scrutinized her. He took her hand in his and casually led them to the door. 

“Honestly, you give more meaning to ‘Space Boy’ than Luther does.” The cool air stung their faces as they left the cozy light of the diner. 

She smiled shyly and said, “That’s ‘Space Girl’ to you.” 

He chuckled, but became serious again. “Is something bothering you? You seem distracted tonight.” 

She glanced at him, then down at their hands in thought. There were a lot of things on her mind if she was being honest. Other than the fact that she was doing her best to keep her heart from shattering at the thought of Five leaving in less than twelve hours, the secret of her decision to quit taking her medicine in resistance against Reginald, the worry of her rebellion releasing the possibly violent meltdowns of her past, and Diego’s cautionary but unsettling words, were just a few of the thoughts “distracting” her tonight. Not to mention the idea that they were alone like she had hoped for and he was holding her hand like it was the most normal thing in the world. Would their intimate situation lead to more than just touching hands? 

She swallowed thickly and stammered, “U-Um, I’m just worried that you didn’t enjoy tonight. I wanted you to have a good time with everyone and now they all just left.” That was another, albeit, not as important thing on her mind, but she wasn’t lying. 

“I’m fine with them leaving and taking their stupidity with them.” He scoffed, then a little less critical, “Thank you for getting us together before I left, though. I did have a good time. But I think we could all tell we were spending too much time together.” He snorted and smiled at her. 

“You don’t mind spending more time with me?” She inquired, attempting to keep her voice level. She couldn’t help but catch that he didn’t seem to be referring to her. 

“Of course not.” He said almost too quickly. And as if he noticed, he looked away and whispered, “You’re my favorite.” 

Her heart nearly tore from her chest, his words teasing her into thinking he meant more. There was no stopping the smile tugging at her lips as she breathed, “You’re my favorite, too.” The puff of mist that left her mouth with her words dissipated and she found Five looking back at her. The softest smile graced his mouth and she didn’t think she had ever seen him look so tender. 

They maintained each other’s gazes for a few long moments before Five’s expression fell just the slightest. He turned to stare out in the dark street and took a breath, “You seem to be getting along with everyone better so I don’t think you’ll be lonely.” 

His statement was so light but so, so heavy at the same time, it was like the cold air finally seeped its way into their bubble and she felt cold. The insecure thoughts from earlier in the night were proof that even if their siblings acted like they wanted her there tonight, didn’t mean they wanted her around tomorrow, or the day after that, or however long it took Five to come home. As much as she wanted to trust them, she still didn’t. And she knew that a lot of her worry for Five leaving stemmed from the idea that she would be left alone. Which was ridiculous. Five was the one who would truly be alone. How could she be so selfish?

She only nodded, not wanting to give away her dampened feelings. 

He pulled her arm, stopping their leisurely walk and guided her into turning so they were facing each other. She blinked in confusion and he took both of her hands urging her to believe what he said next was very important. 

“They will take care of you, Vanya. I know they will.” His voice was tense, like there was a deeper piece of evidence to support his plea that he didn’t reveal. 

She nodded again, slower this time, the uncertainty toward their reliability still strangling her faith in them. 

“Vanya. Please trust me.” He insisted, in the impatient but comforting way he spoke when he worried over her. His eyes were shiny and dark, but she wanted nothing more than to ease his distress, smoothing the wrinkles between his eyebrows. 

“I trust you, Five.” She finally whispered, the words creeping up her spine and causing a slight shiver. 

His expression deepened and his lips pursed. He let her hands go and began unraveling the scarf from around his neck. 

“What are you doing?” She asked, the chill biting at her fingers with the loss of his protection. 

He pulled until he was free of the item and slung it around her shoulders. “You’re cold.” He fussed over its position, resting on top of her hair and not quite reaching her bare neck. 

His proximity and gesture set her cheeks ablaze and she stuttered, “Y-You don’t have to do that. You were the one complaining about how cold it is -,” she yelped as his icy fingers grazed her neck, trying to push her hair out of the way, “- Five! Your hands are  _ freezing _ !” 

She reached up to push his hands away, gripping his cool palms, and receiving a menacing grin, similar to the one earlier in the donut shop. 

She held his hands an inch from her exposed skin as he grumbled, “I’ll keep away if you tell me what the surprise is…” 

“That isn’t fair -” She started, and then squeaked again as his fingertip pressed itself right under jaw. “Five!” She gasped, struggling to lean away, only to have him follow even closer, pushing at the hold she had on his fingers. 

“You know you wanna tell me…” His grin got wider as she giggled, shaking her head frantically.

“No!” She laughed, finally releasing his hands and pushing at his chest, sending him stumbling back. She ran ahead ignoring his playful taunts from behind. 

“You can’t escape me, Vanyaaaa!” He shouted after her. 

She took a chance to peek over her shoulder but didn’t see him. The scarf brushed her cheeks as she turned back to face the wind rushing passed her skin. Then, he appeared in front of her. Much too quickly for her to slow her sprint, and she crashed into him with another surprised cry.

 He grunted with the impact as she rammed into him, his balance was thrown off kilter and he landed on the ground. She remained standing but felt a stinging on her forehead. She reached up to touch it as she regained her senses, then realized Five was sprawled on the sidewalk in front of her. 

“Five!” She shouted, crouching beside him as he sat up with a hand on his mouth. 

“Ow.” He complained, prodding at his lip with his finger. 

“Your lip! I’m sorry!” She exclaimed, her hands fluttering to his face gently. He dropped his own hands and allowed her to do a full examination. She brushed a thumb along his chin, not wanting to touch his injury in case it hurt. 

“Is it bleeding?” He asked, a laugh teetering on the edge of his voice. 

She shook her head, still inspecting it, “Does it hurt?” 

“Not as bad as my pride.” He let out a breathy chuckle, “You should look into a football career.” 

She finally met his eyes and squinted, “Shut up.” 

“I suppose we should get you a helmet, though.” He said a little more seriously, sitting all the way up to reach her bangs. He brushed them to the side, his fingers resting along her temple as he scrutinized her forehead. They were very, very close now, his breath wafting over her nose. She could smell waffles and whipped cream. 

“Vanya?” He asked, trying to catch her eyes. 

“Hm?” She was too busy staring at his lips to notice that he had been asking her a question. 

“ _ I said _ , does it hurt? You’re bleeding a little.” He grimaced, staring at the damage. 

She stared down at her hands folded in her lap, doing everything in her power not to look back at his lips. “Just a little. I’m sure it’s fine.” 

“Hmm. We’ll put a bandaid on when we get home,” he concluded. It was quiet for a moment, so she peeked up at him. A slight breeze ruffled his hair, pushing a couple strands over his forehead. His eyes were wide like their position just registered and he was stunned. She thought for a moment that he was going to apologize and move away because his eyes dropped and his mouth opened. But he didn’t. He leaned in until his nose touched her cheek and his lips were on hers. She was slow to process what had happened until he was gone, the taste of strawberries ghosted through the inhale into her mouth. 

Without thought, her body leapt into action as if it was a natural instinct, and she grasped his collar before he got too far away and pulled him close. Chaos erupted inside her as the sound of his heart pounded in her ears, quivering throughout her nerves. As they briefly stared at each other in eager shyness, she thought his expression was too sweet not to kiss again, so she pressed her lips to his firmly. This time, she was ready to feel it. And it was amazing. 

Her nose warmed up almost immediately at the contact with his flushed cheek. She almost thought that was the best part, but his mouth was  _ so  _ much better. She never kissed anyone on the lips so she was unsure how to maneuver them. The only guidance she had were from books, and they were brief explanations, nothing like the instruction she knew she needed. She got the feeling that he thought the same about himself. 

Despite their uncertainty, they made the best of it by pulling away and then kissing again at a different angle. Just little sustained pecks that left each other breathless. She didn’t think either of them were leading by any means, just enjoying the new experience of each other.  

Eventually, Five held her face just the smallest distance away when they were readjusting their lips again. She realized that he must have been waiting for her to open her eyes, as she only just noticed they were closed. It didn’t help her reaction time when her head was filled with the reverberations of his heartbeats. Once she did crack them open, the previous euphoria still pumped through her veins heavily. She was so caught up in their kisses that she lost all awareness.

“I love you.” He breathed, his face reflecting the very essence of Five. It was a scowly, almost stubborn expression. But his voice was so different. Faint, but sure. Tender and earnest. She adored it. She adored  _ him. _

She smiled softly, his chilled fingers pressing into her cheeks’ movement. “I love you, too, Five.” 

Finally his frown tilted, and he was smiling back at her. Her heart fluttered, heat smoldering in her belly pleasantly.  _ He is so cute.  _

She wanted so badly to kiss his dimples and then his lips again and again _and again_ , but he beat her to it. A nice, gentle press of his mouth on hers, different from before, relayed the feeling of his words. He turned his head for a better angle, rewarding them both with an even more pleasant experience. It was overwhelming and _oh so_ sweet, and more than she could ever imagine. She thought the combination of their beating hearts would shatter her. The kiss ended too quickly to her dismay, but was reconciled with a tight hug. 

He sighed near her ear and muttered grumpily, “As much as I want to stay here, I can’t feel my butt anymore.” 

She pulled away from him, giggling. “Well, we can’t have that.” Her legs were stiff as she stood from the cold cement. She offered a hand to Five and tugged him to his feet. He stayed hunched over like an old man rubbing his lower back. “C’mon,  _ Grandpa _ . Let’s go home.” She teased him, Klaus’s nickname seeming too perfect for the situation. 

He narrowed his eyes at her, a smirk wrinkling his face. “Yeah, whatever.” He straightened his body and snatched her hand, tucking it in his pocket. She would expect a little gesture like taking her hand wouldn’t cause such a raucous to her emotional stability, especially after the glory of kissing, but all of the nerves in her body trembled happily at his touch. 

“Weren’t these streetlights on before?” He asked offhandedly, glancing up at the dark silhouette of the tall lamps. 

She followed his gaze and shrugged, looking ahead, “It looks like the other ones are working. We’ll be in the light soon, scaredy cat.” She slyly peered at him from the corner of her eye and grinned. She liked to tease him and not be serious for once. No talk of siblings, or time traveling, or their father. Just them being themselves. For as long as they could.

After some good natured taunting, and coyly exchanging glances, they were back in front of The Academy. She was a bit worried that they would encounter people along the way, but was relieved when that wasn’t the case. There were a few echoing voices coming from streets further away, but nothing near enough to cause alarm. It was after midnight at that point, so they were at a higher risk of meeting undesirable strangers. Though, Five’s combat capabilities did make her feel more at ease and he offered to stay at the bottom of the fire escape ladder until she was safely at the top. She thought he was a little skittish in the darkness of the alley, too.

He spatial jumped to her side, steadying her with a hand as she entered his window. The heat of the mansion touched her frigid ears and fingertips, unthawing them. 

He sighed happily, “Ahh, it’s so warm.” 

She grinned at his satisfaction and began to feel an itch of nervousness now that the darkness of night couldn’t cloak their rosy cheeks. She felt like the memory of their kisses were projected on her back and everyone was there to see them. 

Before she got too lost in her apprehension, Five tugged the scarf. She glanced at him and found that he was studying her hair intently as if it distracted him from his original thoughts. 

He took a handful of her hair and leafed through the strands with his thumb like they were pages in a book. To her embarrassed delight, he separated a braid and smirked, “I knew I saw something in there earlier.” He carefully pulled it, running down the length of it between his fingers and whispered, “That’s pretty.” 

“Th-Thanks!” She squeaked, unable to breathe but finding a way to ramble on, “K-Klaus braided them in earlier. I want to learn to do it myself because I think they’re really nice too.” 

She wanted to slap her palm on her face. He flustered her so much. She blamed the disorientation of the bright lights. 

“I think you’re pretty, too.” 

Her eyes snapped to his and she thought she would evaporate into the air. She was right about the mansion’s lights being too exposing. The blue of his eyes were as bright and timid as the sky lightening with the break of day. She could just kiss him.  _ No holding back. _

“Thanks.” She said breathlessly and closed the distance quickly, before she could change her mind, and pecked him right in the spot his cheeks creased into those adorable dimples. That was the best she could do in the pressure of a new, more risky environment. He seemed to appreciate the sentiment, as he stood slack jawed and quietly astonished. A small giggle surprised her as it slipped out and broke his daze. 

“I’ll see you in my room.” She informed him, earning a bashful confirmation. Did she make him as flustered as he did to her? She smiled giddily to herself at the idea of unsettling the mind of the brilliant Number Five. 

She cautiously crept to her room, glad to only pass Ben’s door. She was almost certain the rest of her siblings were still socializing. Their muffled laughter and shameless shuffling were too obvious for them not to be found out. This led Vanya to believe that Pogo, the chaperone sharing a bedroom on the same floor as them for advisory reasons, was choosing to let them be. She was thankful. 

She entered her room and quickly shed her coat and Five’s scarf. She snuggled down into it for a moment, cherishing the smell of mint and another peculiar scent she assumed was his hair gel, then slipped it off her shoulders. A tinge of lurking despair crept into her thoughts just long enough for a lump to form in her throat.  _ No. I can’t think about it yet.  _

She swallowed hard, not wanting to ruin the exhilaration of their more intimate relationship. She desired to enjoy their affections while there was still time. 

Trying to revert back to her original mindset, she changed into her pajamas and reminisced the mingling flavors of maple syrup from her mouth with the tangy strawberries of Five’s. No doubt, she was blushing profusely as Five appeared to startle her as usual. Perhaps his arrivals were so alarming because it was always in the midst of her daydreaming about him.

He chuckled a little and stepped so he was in front of her, “I brought a bandaid.” She looked up at him from the bed in confusion for a moment until he reminded her, “You know, from when you tackled me.” 

She rolled her eyes at the toothy grin he gave her, and gently held her bangs to the side. Heat rose into her cheeks as she watched him rip the wrapper of the bandage with his teeth and deftly peeled the sticky parts free. 

With the paper in his mouth, he mumbled something that she couldn’t understand, so she raised an eyebrow and asked, “What?” Before pulling the packaging out of his mouth. 

His fingers brushed across her forehead, securing the bandaid, and with the same teasing smile, replied, “ _ I said, _ I don’t think I’ve ever seen your forehead before.” 

She drew back in amusement and laughed, “What?” 

“You’ve had bangs for as long as I can remember!” He exclaimed feigning offense, tapping his thumb on the skin off to the side of the bandaid, “Also, I didn’t know you had eyebrows until tonight,” he joked, joining in on her laughter. 

They chuckled for a moment longer as Five pulled his fingers through her bangs and swiftly snaked his arms around her shoulders to push her face into chest. She believed the buttons on his pajama shirt would liquefy from the intense warmth in her cheeks. Despite her  nervousness, she returned the embrace. 

It was quiet in the room, only the occasional rattling of her window from the worsening weather. The moment was too much for her fragile heart and her eyes welled up. 

“I’ll miss you the most.” He whispered hoarsely. She could tell he was trying hard not to let his emotions affect his voice. He was trying to be strong. 

In reaction to his words, and in an attempt to match his strength, she tightened her hold around his waist and squeezed her eyes shut.  

“I’ll miss you more than you’ll know.” 

They nearly sighed in succession, the situation thickening the air and straining their hearts. She wanted nothing more than to be with him forever. But she knew it was impossible. If they were different people, with different circumstances, and different values, specifically those involving saving billions of people, they could be selfish and leave together. But she knew in the deepest parts of her soul, it wasn’t possible.   

The sound of doors shutting in neighboring rooms, broke the silence and reminded them of the very late hour. 

“You need some sleep before tomorrow.” She said, breathing in to let out another sigh. 

His arms constricted as he grumbled, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“That isn’t funny.” She replied airily, regretfully leaning away to hint at the obvious task at hand. 

He looked down at her sternly before relenting, “ _ Fine.” _ He kissed her forehead lightly before making his way to the light switch. 

The phantom feeling of his lips lingered on her brow and she was realizing how natural their love felt. Sure, the kissing was new and thrilling, but even that seemed comfortable. Like it was inevitable. 

The darkness awoke the previous unrest in her. The need to be closer to him. So when they settled in the blankets and the second his head touched the pillow, she couldn’t restrain herself anymore. She propped herself up on an elbow and gently, but firmly, held his face in her hands. They were so close, she sensed the rumble of his voice as he began to say something, but quickly stifled it with her lips. 

 The surprise was apparent as his limbs twitched and the cutest grunt reverberated from his throat. It was one of those sounds you never knew you wanted to hear. She smiled over his mouth despite herself and felt a slight push on her cheek from his thumb. Their lips separated with a soft wet sound.  

“And you say I don’t play fair.” He accused. The streetlight snuck into her curtain to spark the mischief in his eyes. He brushed some hair over her shoulder.

“I didn’t realize there were rules.” She countered. The stimulation of their activities and proximity jolted her stomach pleasantly and started a fire in her heart all over again. 

“Good point.” He replied before smothering her mouth with his, pushing her back until they had switched positions. They kissed each other enthusiastically, pushing at each other’s lips, learning how to improve the quality of their kissing between every change of angle. Pushing too hard from the front would clash their teeth together painfully, so they reassessed wordlessly, finding that staggering their lips so one person’s was lower, avoided that issue. Then, figuring out how to keep their noses from squishing together awkwardly took some giggling and nudging before they were successful. It was a delightful and intimate affair that left them both breathless and more aware themselves. 

Eventually, their kisses slowed and Five provided some closure with a few stray pecks along her jaw and cheeks. 

“We should actually get some sleep. I don’t think Dad would forgive me if I slept through my departure.” He placed a few more kisses between his words before sliding down the bed at the end of his sentence and resting his head on her chest. 

She was self conscious for a moment that he would hear her heart pounding, but thought it was only fair since his was so clearly pounding in her ears. He pulled the blanket up further and snuggled up under her chin. After their kissing session, the gesture didn’t make her as anxious as it might have earlier in the night. 

She brought a hand up to stroke his hair before pressing her lips on the top of his head. A sigh fluttered through his lips as he whispered shyly, “I like it when you play with my hair.” 

A smile forced its way onto her mouth and her heart swelled with endearment. She responded to his preference by massaging her fingers through the thick of his strands until they reached his scalp. She continued to give his locks attention until she noticed his breathing slow. 

“Good night, Five. I love you.” She breathed, bringing her arms around until she was cradling his shoulders. 

“I love you, too, Vanya.” He muttered sleepily. Their warmth was enticing enough to send her into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened. They kissed. A lot. But you know, they gotta do that before they can't anymore... Next two chapters (to hopefully wrap up), will be less fun to read. I am so sorry. 
> 
> I'm hoping the longer chapter will make it up to all of you awesome people following this story and commenting that I need to hurry my booty up. You really did motivate me to write more so I thank you for your persistence! As always, I can't thank you all enough for the kudos and the comments and the good feelings you give me! <3
> 
> P.S. I didn't edit this, and I apologize for any weird errors. I was trying to get it posted ASAP!


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